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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry my DDs coat has been confiscated at school

169 replies

Foxeym · 15/01/2014 11:18

I don't know if I am? My 2DDs go to a state secondary school but it's an ex grammar school and still run as it was. They have a very strict uniform rule which I have always abided to even though it can only be bought in one specialised shop at extortionate prices. I'm currently on maternity leave and my pay is ridiculous so I haven't been able to afford a new coat for my eldest (15). The school rule is black/ navy blue only, I was thankful that a friend gave me a dark brown, almost black coat for DD to wear (the youngest in now wearing DD1 old blue coat). Today her form tutor has confiscated her coat and told her she is not having it back and given her a detention. While I understand there has to be rules, surely the school can understand that not everybody can just go out and buy a new coat at the drop of a hat, I do intend to buy her one but I have to wait until I get my maternity pay at the end of the month. Aibu to want to go into the school and make a fuss, it's not like I've sent her in a bright green coat, you can hardly see that it's brown and not black??

OP posts:
Rooners · 15/01/2014 19:50

Pumpkin, yes I have, but some uniforms are not available at supermarkets. Certain colours can't be got cheaply, and many schools insist on logos from a specific supplier.

Your earlier post said 'by all accounts' so I assumed you had no personal experience of buying children's uniform.

Can I also assume you've no experience of washing it overnight and having it dry by morning?

Rooners · 15/01/2014 19:52

Also it wouldn't matter so much if a non uniform item was in need of a wash. You could send your child into school in anything. It's a non argument that uniform 'washes well' which ime it doesn't.

Rooners · 15/01/2014 19:53

'A winter coat is a must for a child, surely if you can afford another child you can afford to clothe your existing children.'

I don't think this deserves a response

Original poster
Foxeym · 15/01/2014 20:41

We'll I've gone into the school and explained the situation and have asked for 2 weeks grace, they said they will consider it and get back to me??? I can afford to have 3 children as I work full time in a fairly well paid job and have always managed to feed and clothe my DCs adequately, unfortunately my DP lost his job and is now working in a much lower paid one at the same time as I am on maternity leave. Not great timing but sometimes these things get thrown at you, we are trying to muddle through until I go back to work but DC3 is only 12 weeks old and I don't really want to leave him in childcare so young as I did this with the other 2DCs and missed so much with them. She had a coat to go back with in September but has grown out of it (now touching 5'11") I would never purposely make my DCs go without and she completely understands the situation bless her, believe me it doesn't make me feel great :(

OP posts:
Pumpkin567 · 15/01/2014 20:45

I have two in school, yes it dries overnight...it's polyester! Uniform is very cheap in comparison to trendy clothes. The poorest children would stand out like a sore thumb. I

Tesco online sell most colours... Including millions of logos.

Peekingduck · 15/01/2014 20:53

Foxeym, I assume you have the coat back?
I would follow this up in writing, stating again the reasons why your daughter does not have a uniform coat, and when you expect she will have one. State that in the meantime you do not want her to be sent home without the means to keep warm and dry, and you do not think it would be appropriate for her to be given detention.
Anywhere you can try to get one second-hand?

Sallyingforth · 15/01/2014 20:58

Anywhere you can try to get one second-hand?
Much cheaper and quicker to dye it in the washing machine.

NearTheWindmill · 15/01/2014 21:08

You knew the rules when you accepted the place. Presumably you sent her there for the standards of a grammar and therefore need to comply with them.

My dd is 15 we argue every morning over the coat she doesn't wear. It isn't actually a big deal because it isn't even that cold at the moment. Get her a thermal vest or go second hand.

I don't understand your stance tbh.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 15/01/2014 21:14

Near - sounds like the OP has fallen on hard times.

MinesAPintOfTea · 15/01/2014 21:18

NearTheWindmill are you seriously arguing that access to some state schools should be limited by the cost of the clothing required to go to them?

Yes its not ideal but the school should have a policy for helping families access affordable uniforms, possibly by running a second-hand shop, or have more flexible rules so that families can buy coats from the charity shop/Tesco rather than extortionate uniform shop costs.

wobblyweebles · 15/01/2014 21:31

I have two in school, yes it dries overnight...it's polyester! Uniform is very cheap in comparison to trendy clothes. The poorest children would stand out like a sore thumb.

I feel so sorry for kids who are sent to school in polyester every day. So glad we don't have uniform here. And no, the poorest kids don't stand out.

NearTheWindmill · 15/01/2014 21:34

Yes mines but that philosophy only works if parents have enough respect for the rules in the first place to contact the school and explain the situattion. The OP just thought she'd send her dd in the wrong uniform without the courtesy of contact or permission. I think that's unacceptable.

And I repeat, it's not that cold - it was 9 degrees here today (London) and my dd hasn't needed a coat once yet this academic year. From 14 I didn't wear one even in minus temps with a mile walk at each end (it was too frumpy).

I think the OP is making a mountain out of a mole hill tbh.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 15/01/2014 22:17

The OP just thought she'd send her dd in the wrong uniform without the courtesy of contact or permission. I think that's unacceptable.

Why? Why should the OP have to discuss her personal finances with anyone in the school? It is none of their damn business.

When they are getting 100% pass rates then they could start on what the students are wearing. Up until that point they are wasting their own and everybody else's time.

NearTheWindmill · 15/01/2014 22:26

My children's schools have a published uniform code and if I couldn't meeet it for any reason I would eraise it with the school.

The why is because there are rules and when one joins a school one signs a home school agreement. I seek to keep agreement I make - it's a question of being a good community citizen and expecting good manners. Setting an example for one's children.

AnUnearthlyChild · 15/01/2014 22:43

It annoys the fuck out of me

Schools stipulate dark colours, yet the Highway Code is pretty clear on what you should be wearing - light bright colours

Why does wanky uniform rules trump safety...

Preferthedogtothekids · 15/01/2014 23:01

I think the uniform and punishent policies seem to be an English thing. I'm in Scotland and have 2 teenage Dc and I work as supply staff in various High Schools, and while all have a uniform policy, it doesn't apply to outdoor clothing, usually just to the colour of skirt/trousers, shirt and jumper, with black shoes being desirable. All schools insist on the tie being worn as the school 'identifier', if they arrive in a tie they'll be given one which will be collected at the end of the day. I have never heard of a child being punished in anyway for their uniform being 'wrong'. They may get a moan or two from the teachers, but I think it's understood that once they get to school it's more important to educate them than to stress abut what they're wearing!

ComposHat · 16/01/2014 00:17

I am not sure where I stand on the concept of a uniform. But if there has to be one, I can't see why it can't be a specific colour of unbranded v-neck or sweatshirt, plain tailored skirt or trousers in black and a tie.

It seems that a certain type of headmaster (especially in academies) think that insisting on an incredibly prescriptive and expensive uniform is a way of making their mark and 'raising standards' when really it is just expensive window dressing.

NearTheWindmill · 16/01/2014 08:20

But (and this may be because we had a choice) if you don't want a strict uniform, you don't send your child to a school that has one. DD hate a hateful uniform but the school she attends is the right school for her and has helped her to blossom. The uniform is part of the package and we accepted it as such.

Peekingduck · 16/01/2014 08:23

Maybe it's interesting to speculate on what a uniform should be, or whether there should be one at all. Op knew what the uniform for this school is, and decided to ignore that. Always speak to the school in advance when there is hardship. A lot will have a box of lost property they will fish into as a temporary fix, but whatever, don't just send the child in out of uniform with no explanation.

SiliconeSally · 16/01/2014 08:33

OP look on your school website: there should be a published discipline policy which tells you what happens to confiscated Items. The school are not allowed to keep stuff for good and usually have a policy of the child collecting the item at the end of the day or the parent collecting it.

YABU to expect the school to tolerate a non uniform coat, and it is reasonable that they stipulate a coat of either dark navy or black. They haven't said it has to be an expensive beans from a particular supplier.

However in principle I hate schools getting all hung up on uniform, but the truth is it is parents who love it. Every new Academy, whatever it's results, is insisting it's pupils look like 1950s grammar kids or else office workers. Most threads on MN are in favour of uniforms, the schools know that the public comment on pupils appearance in the street etc

And all despite there being no evidence at all that a uniform affects behaviour or results.

Look at schools in the more civilised and high achieving European and Scandinavian countries where no schools have uniforms! The obsession here is bizarre. You are a victim of it - but we can't have it both ways.

Helpyourself · 16/01/2014 08:38

Uniforms are fine- for cultural reasons we seem to need them in the uk, whatever.
However specifying a dark outer coat in ridiculous. I can think of 2 reasons they're dangerous, road safety and identifying a particular school and no good reason.

MrsBeep · 16/01/2014 08:54

I went to a grammar school not too many years ago and the strict UNIFORM policy never stretched to outerwear such as coats! The only schools I've heard of this being a part of are paid private ones. How ridiculous!

NearTheWindmill · 16/01/2014 09:05

I'd have some sympathy if it were cold at present. It's 10 degrees here right now; had a coat been confiscated if there was snow on the ground I think you would have a point and they wouild have been reasonable to make an exception.

mrsjay · 16/01/2014 09:09

maybe it isnt 10 degrees where the op is that is a silly thing to say it is really cold where i am

Thatisall · 16/01/2014 09:17

Haven't they given the coat back yet?

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