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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry my DDs coat has been confiscated at school

169 replies

Foxeym · 15/01/2014 11:18

I don't know if I am? My 2DDs go to a state secondary school but it's an ex grammar school and still run as it was. They have a very strict uniform rule which I have always abided to even though it can only be bought in one specialised shop at extortionate prices. I'm currently on maternity leave and my pay is ridiculous so I haven't been able to afford a new coat for my eldest (15). The school rule is black/ navy blue only, I was thankful that a friend gave me a dark brown, almost black coat for DD to wear (the youngest in now wearing DD1 old blue coat). Today her form tutor has confiscated her coat and told her she is not having it back and given her a detention. While I understand there has to be rules, surely the school can understand that not everybody can just go out and buy a new coat at the drop of a hat, I do intend to buy her one but I have to wait until I get my maternity pay at the end of the month. Aibu to want to go into the school and make a fuss, it's not like I've sent her in a bright green coat, you can hardly see that it's brown and not black??

OP posts:
kgal · 15/01/2014 11:33

I wouldn't be happy about the school confiscating a coat without putting a warning in place first. I don't agree with children having to wear plain/dark colour coats anyway. When they are secondary school age and walking home on their own, I prefer a bright colour to make them more visible to cars etc.

BananaNotPeelingWell · 15/01/2014 11:35

Me too BarbarianmumGrin. Dd wont wear a coat for love nor money. I've stopped moaning about it these days. She's always complaining it's cold thoughConfused

happystory · 15/01/2014 11:35

You haven't replied as to whether the coat has to be bought from the uniform shop....

MelanieRavenswood · 15/01/2014 11:35

As for signing up to agreements. They are not contracts. Sometimes teachers relax rules too when they need to. Maybe a note informing the teacher why the coat was brown might have been a courtesy. But really, the school should look to simplifying its rules so it can get the real job done.

NonnoMum · 15/01/2014 11:38

Outrageous.

Ask if Pupil Premium money can be supplied for you to buy a regulation coat.

AlternativeMoniker53 · 15/01/2014 11:39

Can you get to any charity shops? I've been looking here and there are loads of coats for under £10, is that do-able for you in this month's budget? If it is any navy or black coat you need, of course, not a school-specific one.

I don't think you can expect special treatment from the school if they're not aware of your circumstances so in that respect YABU. If you explain to the school, apologising for not letting them know beforehand and they stick to their guns then YANBU in my opinion. Good luck!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/01/2014 11:39

Speak to the school, OP, on the phone or in person - and explain. None of this 'going up the schools' as has been suggested; that's rude. A mistake's been made, it's easy to put it right.

I agree that you shouldn't sign for the detention until you've spoken to the form teacher/headteacher to sort this out. Financial pressures are financial pressures and by next month, your daughter's coat will be compliant.

Dahlen · 15/01/2014 11:40

kgal - that's a very good point to make, especially given the importance being placed on health and fitness and getting us out of our cars.

I think the school are being totally petty and outrageous. But then I'd have avoided the situation in the first place by sending an email to the Head before sending my child in with the coat so that I had evidence to the unreasonableness of the policy being applied without any common-sense discretion.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 15/01/2014 11:43

If it's very dark brown tell them it was black but has faded through use and washes

melika · 15/01/2014 11:44

My Ds's school is the same, although he went in the other day with a burgundy coat on, he knew it was against rules but still wore it.

He went in the back way and feared being caught. The school has no tolerance what so ever, but I agree with it. Have you tried Primark or ebay.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 15/01/2014 11:45

That's just pathetic.........if you can spare a tenner tho op I got dd a gorgeous jacket out of george which is black, was reduced from £30.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/01/2014 11:46

It does seem very strict though. I went to a Catholic High School 1980-85 and that was extremely strict about uniform (navy blue - from the shop only) but even then coats were allowed to be navy, brown, black or grey.

The school is unreasonable and OP needs to sort it out with them.

ExcuseTypos · 15/01/2014 11:46

You should have contacted the school and warned them about this. Then it could have been sorted without your dd being out in this position.

Phone them up now and tell them she will have a black coat by X date.

notundermyfoof · 15/01/2014 11:47

How can they dictate what colour coat they wear? I don't think anyone considers it to be part of their uniform as they take it off when they arrive.

Yanbu and I would go and demand it back, they can't expect a child to go without a coat in January ffs!

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 15/01/2014 11:47

What BarbarianMum said - except that they don't wear coats round her even if we're under feet of snow.

There's no problemt that can't be resolved without reasonable negotiation - talk to the school and look for the win/win.

Flisspaps · 15/01/2014 11:48

Those of you saying don't consent to the detention - parental consent isn't required to keep a child in detention. The school simply has to give a minimum of 24 hours notice of the detention,

MrsPnut · 15/01/2014 11:51

DD1's school had a similar rule about coats, black or navy only with no logos or decorations except reflective strips.

However, we knew the rules - before she started and repeated every year (along with the rules about trousers, skirts and not dying hair). I can't believe that your eldest is 15 and the enforcement of this rule has come as a surprise.

Try speaking to the head of year about it and tell them when you can afford to buy a coat in the correct colour.

holidaysarenice · 15/01/2014 11:51

Being cold will not give you pneumonia, its an infection, stop being dramatic.

She broke the rules, she should have the coat removed, returned for walking home and warned not to wear it again.

You should have contacted the school if you wanted an exemption.

What about a charity shop buy for a day or two?

sashh · 15/01/2014 11:53

Some schools have very petty strict uniform rules, apparently it stops the pupils rebelling in worse ways

That's code for 'we use the uniform to stop those awful poor people attending, we want the parents who would go private if they could afford.

For all those of you up in arms, this is a consequence of school uniform. If it's anything like my old school you had to wear correct uniform to and from school.

Most schools have parents sign a contract saying they will send their child in the appropriate uniform.

Starballbunny · 15/01/2014 11:53

Utterly ridiculous. Inside school uniform is one thing (even if I still think it's a waste of time), but coats are non of schools business.

It's freezing and wet here this week, had they not given her it back to come home, I'd have had very rude words.

holidaysarenice · 15/01/2014 11:54

Or dye the coat black if your friend doesn't mind?

UncleT · 15/01/2014 11:56

At 15 years old, did she not explain why she wasn't wearing a compliant coat? If so, then rules or not - detention is highly unreasonable.

Tulip26 · 15/01/2014 11:57

Charity shop is a good idea holiday

I've had pnumonia, it was a bad cold which got exacerbated by working in a freezing environment without proper gear on. My point is that if OP's daughter gets sick, she'll miss a lot of school.

Noregretsatall · 15/01/2014 11:58

Yanbu - if it's 'nearly black' then the school are being unbelievably pedantic.

BarbarianMum · 15/01/2014 12:01