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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry my DDs coat has been confiscated at school

169 replies

Foxeym · 15/01/2014 11:18

I don't know if I am? My 2DDs go to a state secondary school but it's an ex grammar school and still run as it was. They have a very strict uniform rule which I have always abided to even though it can only be bought in one specialised shop at extortionate prices. I'm currently on maternity leave and my pay is ridiculous so I haven't been able to afford a new coat for my eldest (15). The school rule is black/ navy blue only, I was thankful that a friend gave me a dark brown, almost black coat for DD to wear (the youngest in now wearing DD1 old blue coat). Today her form tutor has confiscated her coat and told her she is not having it back and given her a detention. While I understand there has to be rules, surely the school can understand that not everybody can just go out and buy a new coat at the drop of a hat, I do intend to buy her one but I have to wait until I get my maternity pay at the end of the month. Aibu to want to go into the school and make a fuss, it's not like I've sent her in a bright green coat, you can hardly see that it's brown and not black??

OP posts:
Yamyoid · 15/01/2014 12:54

Another thing, even if the op can find a coat for £10 before her pay comes through, sometimes even £10 makes the difference of not being able to pay for something else much more important than a bloody coat.
The school should have more lee-way (sp?) and send a note on the first occasion a problem with uniform is noticed, giving the parent the chance to explain or correct it.

MadeOfStarDust · 15/01/2014 12:55

I think the whole policy of having a dark coloured coat is bloody ridiculous at this time of year.... they are coming out of school and going home beside/across busy roads in the dark some nights....

mine has a dayglo pink coat with reflective spots all over it... she is safe before she is conforming to a daft and dangerous policy.... the school has never said anything, and she is on the student council lobbying for this stupid policy to be overturned....

Who can afford a different waterproof coat for home and school, we go hiking at weekends, who wants their kids out walking in the hills in a hill-coloured coat..... bright coats are for safety.... don't see how they can argue with that....

Yamyoid · 15/01/2014 12:58

Good point made of stardust.

Norudeshitrequired · 15/01/2014 13:01

I think the idea of dyeing the coat black is excellent. A pack of dylon black fabric dye costs a few quid and you literally just run the coat through the washing machine with the dye.
I don't think the uniform guidance (re: expensive coats) is relevant unless the school are specifying that the coat has to be a specific type from a specific supplier. If they are just saying a black or blue coat then there is no reason that it has to be expensive.

Pooka · 15/01/2014 13:05

The school dd will be going to has strict uniform policy. Black coats only. But I know this and so will make sure I buy black coats from now on for winter.

If it really is just a matter of 2 weeks until OP can buy a replacement, I really don't understand why the dds could not have worn slightly small coats for that length of time? Or presumably last term it was evident that a new coat would be required and ebay scoured?

Joysmum · 15/01/2014 13:06

The school is being unreasonable to punish your daughter for something she clearly had no control over. They should have contacted you, not punished her.

Lilacroses · 15/01/2014 13:07

It's hearing things like this that make me want to home educate! Even though I'm a teacher myself in a lovely school (without a flipping uniform) and Dd is perfectly happy at her school. I just loathe this ridiculous, inhumane treatment over something SO stupid. Fine, if they must have a strict uniform then send a message home telling you she needs a different coat but a detention and then confiscating the coat. Pathetic. No, yanbu at all.

Pooka · 15/01/2014 13:08

A friend said you can buy reflective strips for clothing. The dcs generally have coats that come with them (landsend are good for that). But if a coat doesn't come with them, I will be sure to buy some strips to sew on.

Swanbridge · 15/01/2014 13:08

I think the rule is ridiculous BUT coats aren't something you just wake up one morning and don't fit any more. Either she could have made do for only two weeks more, or it's been too small for quite a while and you haven't done anything about it until it reached this point.

WooWooOwl · 15/01/2014 13:33

It is a parents responsibility to provide their children with uniform that complies with school rules, and while I agree that it's a bit heavy handed to confiscate the coat, it's the risk you take when you send your child into school in clothing that doesn't comply with the uniform.

Surely if you need a new winter coat you buy it before the end of January anyway. The school isn't expecting anyone to be able to afford to buy a new coat at the drop of a hat as suggested in the OP. They make their uniform rules clear before a child even starts at the school, and if your child is 15, you have had plenty of time to get a coat that complies.

If she's been wearing it since the start of the term then they have already given you a weeks grace, so YABU.

twitchypalm · 15/01/2014 13:53

My dcs are at a school with a strict uniform code which we knew when thry joined the school. They can also only wear black or navy coats. We pre empted dd needing a new coat fairly shortly after Christmas.

So to make all our lives easier and to make sure rules wernt broken dd got a coat for one of her christmas presants. Would this have not heen an option for you op.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/01/2014 13:57

Dye it for £3. Go and collect it yourself.

schokolade · 15/01/2014 14:06

Blimey what a lot of fuss over nothing. Just call the form teacher/HoY OP and get it straightened out. They will probably be amenable once you describe the situation and when she will have the uniform coat. Give them the chance to be reasonable!

schokolade · 15/01/2014 14:08

By the way - if this happened today, presumably your DD isn't home yet? Are you finding out about this by text? If so, tread carefully, it can be hard to get the whole story across accurately in a text message.

nennypops · 15/01/2014 14:11

You know the uniform policy. You choose to send her there rather than somewhere with a less strict policy.

Come off it. The reality is that there isn't infinite choice and it may well be the case that this is the only school the OP was likely to get her daughter into. As I've pointed out, this school is acting contrary to clear government guidance: it is really quite ironic that they are themselves purporting to enforce rules strictly when they're not complying with the rules themselves.

The fact that you didn't speak or write to the school to explain, is what has caused the issue here. But they can't punish you, so detention is the way to go for not abiding by school rules. Unless you prefer they fine you?

Schools have no power to fine parents for school uniform infractions. Nor do they have power to confiscate essential items of clothing such as coats. Again, they're breaking the rules themselves.

Custardo · 15/01/2014 14:14

( start the violins) when I was proper poor when the kids were little, I sued to send mine in with a note saying they would have to wear their trainers until I got paid on x date

this was fine

the only issue here is that you haven't formally told the school, I am sure that the school will agree a temporary coat

I would fight that the choice of coat is mine and that my dd would not be going to detention

nennypops · 15/01/2014 14:14

Woo Woo Owl, OP has explained why she couldn't get her daughter the right type of coat - have you not read the original message?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/01/2014 14:18

Personally i'd phone the police on the school for theft of property but i have no time for such ridiculous policies that punish children for things they have no control over. I know my response is extreme but i'd be intent on giving them the message loud and clear.

SuzanneUK · 15/01/2014 14:20

The school rule is entirely reasonable but it should never have been enforced in the way it (allegedly) was.

WooWooOwl · 15/01/2014 14:22

Yes, I read the OP. It explained why she can't go out and get one now,not why she didn't provide her with one at the start of the season where children need coats. Making sure your child has a suitable coat to wear is a pretty basic parenting responsibility surely?

I was under the impression that it was only primary schools that weren't supposed to enforce strict uniform rules, I thought it was different for secondary. But I realise I could well be wrong!

MrsCakesPremonition · 15/01/2014 14:24

Ask for it back and then dye it if you can.

JockTamsonsBairns · 15/01/2014 14:27

You have a 15yo who is willing to wear a coat? Shock

I have a Dd that age, and none of her year group wear a coat. They don't get cold, oh no..

sashh · 15/01/2014 14:30

I think the whole policy of having a dark coloured coat is bloody ridiculous at this time of year...

That was my point 30+ years ago when we (first years) were being told off for wearing a pale scarf/hat in the middle of winter.

We were allowed ot wear boots, we had navy coats and were supposed to wear navy hats/gloves/scarves.

Onesiegoddess · 15/01/2014 14:43

How crazy to confiscate a coat in January!!! I think it's crazy they have to wear a specific coloured coat - also it's very dull and not visible to cars

summertimeandthelivingiseasy · 15/01/2014 14:51

Go to the Head/headofyear/head of pastoral care (not arsey tutor)

Plead poverty. Explain coat was given as you CANNOT afford another and no navy/black ones in charity shop etc.

It might be reasonable to give detention for not following the school rules, but buggering off with the coat leaves you with nothing and that is certainly not reasonable in the circumstances

Lay it on thick!!

It is their school uniform policy and they should see to it that children are not disadvantaged due to poverty.

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