To be angry my DDs coat has been confiscated at school

[Foxeym]

I don't know if I am? My 2DDs go to a state secondary school but it's an ex grammar school and still run as it was. They have a very strict uniform rule which I have always abided to even though it can only be bought in one specialised shop at extortionate prices. I'm currently on maternity leave and my pay is ridiculous so I haven't been able to afford a new coat for my eldest (15). The school rule is black/ navy blue only, I was thankful that a friend gave me a dark brown, almost black coat for DD to wear (the youngest in now wearing DD1 old blue coat). Today her form tutor has confiscated her coat and told her she is not having it back and given her a detention. While I understand there has to be rules, surely the school can understand that not everybody can just go out and buy a new coat at the drop of a hat, I do intend to buy her one but I have to wait until I get my maternity pay at the end of the month. Aibu to want to go into the school and make a fuss, it's not like I've sent her in a bright green coat, you can hardly see that it's brown and not black??

WooWooOwl - unless you have money to burn why would you buy a secondary school child a coat at the beginning of the season when you can't even be sure it will be cold enough to need one or if your child will have grown out of it before it gets too cold.

In your shoes OP, as others have said I'd explain your circumstances to the school and see if you can come up with a compromise

I live in the UK, I can pretty much guarantee that it's going to be cold enough at some point in November, December and January that my child will need a coat, at least for the walk to school in the morning.

Buy a coat slightly bigger than needed as most people do with school uniforms anyway, and it's a non issue.

It's not about having money to burn, it's about providing your child with the basic things they need.

YANBU. I also think the dress code sounds pointlessly strict.

if the uniform was a teal blue crombie style overcoat from only 1 shop I would be sympathetic but black/navy blue coats are everywhere at reasonable prices, is this a recent change in uniform or has it always been the case they should have black coats and are now enforcing it?

when I buy DD a coat i make sure it is big enough so if she grows 4-6cm it will not be too small

How is a brown coat ( or any coloured coat for that matter) going to have any effect on her learning. Bonkers school.

Yanbu.

Personally i'd phone the police on the school for theft of property

You deserve to be charged with wasting police time if you phone the police for such a nonsense and trivial matter. The coat hasn't been stolen, it has been taken from the child as she is breaching the school rules. I am sure that it will be given to the OP if she goes to the school and asks. To be guilty of theft it has to be proven that the person who took the item intended to PERMANENTLY deprive the owner of the item.

YANBU. It's pathetic and petty.

I think the whole point if uniform is so that children are not pressured to wear expensive/ fashionable clothes.

Uniform is bloody cheap by all accounts. It can be worn over and over and no one knows or cares. It's just a grey skirt/ black jumper etc.

Why on earth anyone would want to change that is beyond me. I dreaded non uniform day it was a fashion parade.

'Uniform is bloody cheap by all accounts'

Any personal experience of that?

Eugh. I hate this. Punishing your dd for something you have done is horrible.

Couldn't they have spoken to you about it? The office could have called you.

I suppose that you could have called the school first and discussed it.

I think it's silly to stipulate a coat colour, but if they are the rules and you knew that it was daft to let dd face the consequence without you contacting the school first.

The school shouldn't be in the position of having to punish a child because of what their parents have failed to do in the first place.

Really, it's the parent punishing the child, because they are the one making the choice to go against a rule.

I'm pretty sure a state school cannot legally confiscate a coat.
Complain to the head/ controlling body - they clearly need to 'get with' the impact of the recession on 'parental coat buying' ability.
So what do they propose that she freezes to death in the 21st century because you cannot afford a coat? She gets a detention because you cannot afford a coat?

The rules are straight forward but you are not BU re the detention that's out of order

Give them a ring explain the situation get that sorted first and then speak to the teacher directly

isnt her fault she has not got the right coat she shouldnt have got a detention for it why didnt they give it back at the end of school, I know it is hard but a brown coat isnt a black coat is it, but i think having a regulation coat is ridiculous anyway

Yanbu. Utterly ridiculous overreaction from the teacher, who clearly puts uniform policy above child welfare.

Most councils have a clothing grant that you can get to help towards the cost of uniforms. Check to see if yours does.

I think directing your anger at the teacher is wrong - she won't have written the policy and just has the job of following it. I've had to do things I don't agree with before because I knew what the consequences would have been for me as a teacher had I not followed them.

Personally, I don't see the problem with coats - my current school does not have such a policy - most kids wear them as they can wear whatever one they wish.

YANBU.

Schools are there to educate, not impose petty and arbitrary clothing rules. They've lost the plot.

I don't understand why you didn't just send an explanatory note in to demonstrate that your daughter wasn't just flouting uniform regulations by choice. Surely that would have been the sensible thing - you can't expect the school to believe every child who claims that they have 'no other clothes'.

FWIW I do think uniform is a good idea and that enforcement of it can contribute to a school's atmosphere (having been to an array of schools with a variety of rules). However, this only works if parents acknowledge that and do their best to provide clothing which conforms to the rules and communicate with the teachers if they are unable to.

You broke the rules, knew you were and cant exactly moan when the consequences catch up with your DD.

A winter coat is a must for a child, surely if you can afford another child you can afford to clothe your existing children.

It seems like madness to me, especially to give your daughter a detention because of something which has happened due to your financial circumstances, because that is not her fault. That much I would definitely argue against.

As for the coat, send in a note about it explaining why it happened and when it will be rectified.

I once ran into a similar problem regarding a school skirt with my eldest daughter. Her school had just changed its uniform because the supplier had gone bankrupt and the specially embroidered stuff they previously needed could no longer be purchased. My daughter's year were just a few weeks from no longer needing school uniform as they would be going into the sixth form, so they could finish off those few weeks in the old uniform if they wished. True to form, she had her last major growth spurt and her skirt ended up shorter than the school liked, with no replacement available, and me unwilling to spend hundreds on a new uniform which would hardly be worn. I had a bit of a, well, "discussion" with them shall we say, before they admitted that there were some second hand ones in school storage that she could use.

Have you considered asking the school whether they have any second hand ones available from any of their cupboards? Sometimes schools end up selling off or charity shopping stuff that comes as lost property and never finds a home, so it might be possible.

To anyone who remarks about affording to clothe subsequent children, please think before you speak. That is very snide.

I have three children. At the time when I had them I could comfortably afford it all. Over the years things changed, our income dropped, recession and credit crunch hit and we struggled.

None of us should judge people in that way. None of us can see into the future, and none of us is perfect.

While I do not agree with the confiscation, I am giggling at people oh so 'concerned about the welfare' of a 15 year old without a coat!

Rooners.

Errr yes, have you been in any supermarket??? If your really poor you could wash it every night and wear it again. No way on this earth you could do that If you didn't wear uniform.

It's not a £65 blazer it's ANY coat!