To be angry my DDs coat has been confiscated at school

[Foxeym]

I don't know if I am? My 2DDs go to a state secondary school but it's an ex grammar school and still run as it was. They have a very strict uniform rule which I have always abided to even though it can only be bought in one specialised shop at extortionate prices. I'm currently on maternity leave and my pay is ridiculous so I haven't been able to afford a new coat for my eldest (15). The school rule is black/ navy blue only, I was thankful that a friend gave me a dark brown, almost black coat for DD to wear (the youngest in now wearing DD1 old blue coat). Today her form tutor has confiscated her coat and told her she is not having it back and given her a detention. While I understand there has to be rules, surely the school can understand that not everybody can just go out and buy a new coat at the drop of a hat, I do intend to buy her one but I have to wait until I get my maternity pay at the end of the month. Aibu to want to go into the school and make a fuss, it's not like I've sent her in a bright green coat, you can hardly see that it's brown and not black??

Just to be clear OP - what do you mean by 'confiscate'? I don't think you mean she has permanently taken it.
Surely you can dye it? A very cheap way out of the problem.

Sashh, that's why I refuse to sign the home school agreement. No one has insisted so far. It's a waste of paper.

Yanbu OP. Bloody ridiculous.

Our uniform policy is quite clear, it's interpreted abused differently by some. It's not fair that some wear lovely coloured patterned tights or colourful boots.

Can you dye it? eBay will have cheap coats or just buy an asda type cheap coat. I do think you need to teach your child to stick to the rules. Sorry. it was a bit harsh to confiscate her coat but rules are rules, you must have seen that she would need a coat.

You should have contacted school to say that you needed a bit of grace due to financial issues. It unfair of you to send her knowing she was in breech of the rules.

Will she get it back at the end of the day?

It would be completely out of order for the teacher to hang on to her one and only coat outside of school hours.

Why didn't you contact the school to explain first? You'd have more of a leg to stand on if they then enforced the rules.

If they are intransigent I would be taking it up with the HT and governors.

When my kids were at school they had it wear a dark coloured coat with no logos, so that's what they were provided with to spend most of the time on the rail in our hall.

Had your friend not given your DD a coat, would she have had no coat at all?

I would imagine she will be given the coat back this afternoon and not be sent home without it. But, you did know the rules and you could have written to the school to try to prevent this.

"Today her form tutor has confiscated her coat and told her she is not having it back and given her a detention."

Legally the form tutor does not have the right to take a coat and refuse to give it back. They can ask the parent to go and collect the coat from student services. Otherwise the form tutor is guilty of stealing.

Its quite easy to get a coat that either black or navy from somewhere like primark or asda. Or something like this.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/girls-school-coat-black-aged-13-14-from-Marks-Spencer-/331100885550?pt=UK_Kids_Coats_Jackets&hash=item4d1726922e

There are quite a few coats at reasonable prices on ebay

www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_trksid=p2050601.m570.l1313.TR11.TRC1.A0.Xblack+school+coat&_nkw=black+school+coat&_sacat=0&_from=R40

or if you are lucky there are charity shops.

Also what Bootycall said. Totally. School uniform is stupid.

YABU.

You knew the rules but didn't bother to have a word with the school before sending your DD in wearing a non-regulation coat.

If you don't like the rules, change school. All the people hand wringing about silly uniform rules: don't send your kids to schools with rules like that then.

Refer them to the government's school uniform guidance - www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/269113/school_uniform_guidance_2013.pdfwww.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/269113/school_uniform_guidance_2013.pdf.

It puts a lot of emphasis on not having an over-expensive school uniform:

"No school uniform should be so expensive as to leave pupils or their families feeling unable to apply to, or attend, a school of their choice, due to the cost of the uniform. School governing bodies should therefore give high priority to cost considerations. The governing body should be able to demonstrate how best value has been achieved and keep the cost of supplying the uniform under review.
When considering how the school uniform should be sourced, governing bodies should give highest priority to the consideration of cost and value for money for parents. The school uniform should be easily available for parents to purchase and schools should seek to select items that can be purchased cheaply, for example in a supermarket or other good value shop. Schools should keep compulsory branded items to a minimum and avoid specifying expensive items of uniform eg expensive outdoor coats.
Governing bodies should be able to demonstrate that they have obtained the best value for money from suppliers. Any savings negotiated with suppliers should be passed on to parents wherever possible. Schools should not enter into cash back arrangements. Exclusive single supplier contracts should be avoided unless regular tendering competitions are run where more than one supplier can compete for the contract and where best value for parents is secured."

It looks like your school is ignoring this guidance in a big way. I would suggest that you point it out to the governors and suggest that the rule in relation to coats in particular needs to be modified as quickly as possible if they want to avoid a formal complaint to the Department for Education.

I would suggest you also contact your local authority to see if they offer any financial assistance with school uniform costs - some do.

As the motehr of a nealry 16year old and a 14 year old I am amazed that she even wears a coat!

However it isn't right, IMO tha tthey confiscated the coat, our school is strict about uniform but not coats or jackets however the rules don't seem to apply to girls judging by the length of skirts. They are strict with shoes though

YABU.

The school aren't mind readers and to all intents and purposes without an explanation from yourself it would seem your DD simply bent the rules. Lack of communication on your part is to blame here.

My secondary school had a very strict uniform policy which seemed tedious as a teen but in hindsight I'm very grateful for. I take a lot of pride in my appearance when it comes to clothes now, no doubt in part thanks to my old school teaching the importance of looking smart and put together.

they should not have sent her home without a coat, they should just have said very clearly that she should not wear it again the next day and specified the consequences.

My dd's primary school as a similar coat policy and I think it is a pain tbh

"that's why school uniform is such a bloody stupid waste of time and money.

it makes adult teachers behave like arseholes, has absolutely no place in a modern society, does nothing to raise standards ( no evidence) and wastes valuable teaching time.

if only we could stop this ridiculous old fashioned class based crap idea and concentrate on what really matters ie our children being well educated sensible well rounded successful individuals."

"don't send your kids to schools with rules like that then."

I can think of a handful of non-uniform secondary schools still in existence.

In most areas, there is no choice.

I believe that if a school needs uniform in order to 'instil respect' then it's lost already. The top-down approach rarely works in anything let alone failing educational establishments.

Blimey - once again I'm very glad my children aren't at a UK school.

All the schools here have uniforms, so parents are not actively choosing this, it is imposed!

I think it is outrageous to punish a child for any decision a parent had made and I would not allow a 6th former to confiscate clothing from a younger child. To me, the school is endorsing bullying from it's staff and encouraging it in it's pupils if it persists with this policy.

If the head has a problem with something you have decided then they ought to contact you directly and not get to you through your child.

I would be going ballistic over this.

I'm already wobbling at sending ds1 to a normal secondary school where doubtless the uniform will be a massive issue.

We have Steiner where you pay over the odds not to face these issues but then there are other issues,

and then we have mainstream where all our schools locally wear uniform. If I knew one that didn't, he'd probably be going there.

I am leaning further and further towards HE for all three of them. Ds2 is already at home. He told me the other day that at school (Y1) he was not allowed to put his hands in his pockets, ever. This was because, according to his teacher, 'it looks like you have got your hands in your pants'.

He didn't have his hands in his pants. But even so, pocket use was banned.

Yet another example of the idiocy of the school system.

Isn't the school uniform also a handy source of income in some cases? An arrangement where they get a cut of the profits?

If so you can see why it's more important than the child being cold or punished by detention for a decision she didn't make.

IME the level to which uniform policy is enforced correlates with the performance of that school. Most of the schools where educational attainment and aspiration is a problem tend to be the ones where an undue importance is placed on the uniform. My old secondary school did not have logoed uniform, just colours. We were a bit of a mish-mash really, but despite a 'deprived' catchment area and lots of social problems, it was a great school and achieved very good results because teachers were more interested in the pupils and their education than they were in what those pupils were wearing. That in itself did a lot more to improve discipline and attitudes than wearing the correct length of skirt ever could.

What BarbarianMum said!

I've never heard or seen a high school child in a coat - ever!

They are all so tough & cool shivering at the busstops!

They shouldn't have taken it off her however YABU.
You know the uniform policy. You choose to send her there rather than somewhere with a less strict policy.

The fact that you didn't speak or write to the school to explain, is what has caused the issue here. But they can't punish you, so detention is the way to go for not abiding by school rules. Unless you prefer they fine you?

Excellent post from nennypops.
I think you should politely mention the government guidelines to them and complain. It seems very unfair and Yanbu to be pissed off.

YANBU - a stupid rule being enforced for no good purpose. I believe that it is absolutely wrong that state schools insist on a school uniform and insisting on a school coat is totally beyond all reason.