regarding dp picking up family member from airport?

[ikeaismylocal]

Tomorrow is going to be a pretty hard day for 12 month old ds, it is my first full day away from him and he still breastfeeds lots and is very much mummy focused at the moment, he also has his mmr and the last of his other vaccinations tomorrow morning ( crap timing but it was the only slot they had for a long time) I should also add ds is a bit carseat phobic at the moment, he doesn't like being restrained and screams constantly if he is in the car and it isn't nap time ( then he sleeps) he is ok if I am sat next to him entertaining him but he still gets grumpy after a while. We are trying to build up the time of journeys and reduce the amount of entertainment he needs but it's going slowlywe are a long way off being able to just pop him in the car for a longish journey.

Dp is on paternity leave, tomorrow is his first time looking after ds for most of the day.

Mil has asked to be collected from the airport which is 45 minutes away at 11.45, ds wakes from his nap at 11.15 ish and then has lunch, he is usually pretty grumpy after his nap and I anticipate he will have a fever after his vaccinations as this happened the last 2 times and sore little legs.

If dp collected mil ds would most probably scream hysterically for an hour and a half.

Mil is 60 and able bodied, there is easy regular public transport from the airport to where she is staying, she isn't coming to visit us, the last time she came to stay she stayed at dp's sisters house and popped in to see us for an hour and a half, we have suggested she stay with us next time as she says she is sad ds is growing up without really knowing her but she said no, shed rather stay with sil.

The last bit of information is that we had a flight in December that dp asked her for a lift to ( they were visiting in the car) and they said no they didn't want to give us a lift as it was too early in the morning ( fair enough!), so we just used airport parking.

Aibu to think that dp should say no, it's not convenient as ds would be probably feverish, grumpy and hungry and it would be better to stay at home. We'd invite her for dinner instead.

"She has control issues, she is used to deciding what everyone in her family does so when dp suggested a slightly different idea she saw it as a huge disrespect to her"

Well she'll keep treating people like shit if there are no consequences.

For example disowning your son but he still offers for her to see GS!

I think if we don't offer her an opportunity to see ds she will rewrite history and we will be in the wrong for not bringing ds to see her.

He's such a lovely little person biased he might cheer her up!

I'm sorry you have a batshit MIL OP, and very sorry for your DH having this woman treat him so badly.

FWIW I am sure that I have read (need to do some googling) that one of the biggest causes of accidents is distraction - especially from children. A child crying for 45 minutes is one hell of a huge distraction! We are a family that has always had to travel long distances. As soon as DD kicked off, DH would stop at the next services because he found it horribly distracting listening to her cry and wail. I think that if your DS was likely to cry for the full journey, then it would have been extremely dangerous.

Your MIL is clearly batshit but you did make this more complicated than it had to be. DS could have napped there, eaten if need be, and had his gm entertain him on the way home.

"He's such a lovely little person biased he might cheer her up!"

Ah good-as long as she ends up happy!

Personally, I'd be protecting him from her.

Maybe the OP did make it complicated.

But at the end of the day MIL has been told by her son-might not be able to make it due to son having vaccinations.

If I can't, I'll organise something.

Hardly worth mentioning, is it, let alone disowning someone?

No it us not. Possibly a good thing that MIL is a plane ride away

Being in the wrong is the best place to be with unpleasant unreasonable people, so don't let that worry you.

And we found when the kids were rear-facing that one of those little car mirrors, so you can see them and they can see you, kept them calmer.

There are two separate issues here:

1. Is it OK to drag your DS on a long car journey in the circumstances you have described. I think yes, it's your DH's call and you are over-thinking the impact on your DS of being inconvenienced/upset for a short amount of time.

1. You hate your MIL.

Because of no. 2 you can't justify the inconvenience/upset for your DS of no. 1, which is making you blow it out of proportion (IMO). All parents have to do stuff which upsets/inconveniences their DCs sometimes. Your DS doesn't know the difference between, for example, a long car journey to pick up a horrible woman and a long car journey to a fabulous holiday destination, but often as parents we project this knowledge onto them to justify the decisions we make.

What diddl said. Word for word. Last thing you want is for your ds to get fond of someone who will only be happy if he toes the line.

Who cares what version of history she cooks up?