regarding dp picking up family member from airport?

[ikeaismylocal]

Tomorrow is going to be a pretty hard day for 12 month old ds, it is my first full day away from him and he still breastfeeds lots and is very much mummy focused at the moment, he also has his mmr and the last of his other vaccinations tomorrow morning ( crap timing but it was the only slot they had for a long time) I should also add ds is a bit carseat phobic at the moment, he doesn't like being restrained and screams constantly if he is in the car and it isn't nap time ( then he sleeps) he is ok if I am sat next to him entertaining him but he still gets grumpy after a while. We are trying to build up the time of journeys and reduce the amount of entertainment he needs but it's going slowlywe are a long way off being able to just pop him in the car for a longish journey.

Dp is on paternity leave, tomorrow is his first time looking after ds for most of the day.

Mil has asked to be collected from the airport which is 45 minutes away at 11.45, ds wakes from his nap at 11.15 ish and then has lunch, he is usually pretty grumpy after his nap and I anticipate he will have a fever after his vaccinations as this happened the last 2 times and sore little legs.

If dp collected mil ds would most probably scream hysterically for an hour and a half.

Mil is 60 and able bodied, there is easy regular public transport from the airport to where she is staying, she isn't coming to visit us, the last time she came to stay she stayed at dp's sisters house and popped in to see us for an hour and a half, we have suggested she stay with us next time as she says she is sad ds is growing up without really knowing her but she said no, shed rather stay with sil.

The last bit of information is that we had a flight in December that dp asked her for a lift to ( they were visiting in the car) and they said no they didn't want to give us a lift as it was too early in the morning ( fair enough!), so we just used airport parking.

Aibu to think that dp should say no, it's not convenient as ds would be probably feverish, grumpy and hungry and it would be better to stay at home. We'd invite her for dinner instead.

I think it is up to dp what he does. You need to start as you mean to go on with him being the primary carer for however long he is on leave. That means he gets to make his own decisions. If it all goes wrong it won't traumatise your ds for life but will give your dp some insight into what he is dealing with. MIL may end up wishing she got the train!

As far as MMR goes, my dd had it with no complications at all - not feverish or anything at any stage.

I would be a bit fed up they weren't prepared to do the same for you, and are now asking you at short notice, but I think it is dp's decision. As long as he doesn't expect you to take over the minute you get in in the evening then you can't complain. You wouldn't have liked it if he'd told you what you could/couldn't do on maternity leave!

I think it's up to your DP.

YABU, PFB, and in the words of Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that.

Try a nursery rhume cd or similar in the car

I think YANBU but what does your DH think?

Up to your Dh if he wants to help his dm out....worlds not going to end for a few tears in the car and a late nap....

You cone across as hard work and controlling and you're making you're child the same way. It's quite obvious why your mil prefers to stay elsewhere.
It's up to your husband what he's going to do. Hopefully the break of you going to work and your DH taking over will be good for both you and your child.

If it is a London airport a 45 min run can easily be 2 hours by car.

45 mins one way plus the retund is still an hour and a half.

I think the MIL is being pfb needing to be picked up, when it isn't even the DH she is visiting!

I don't pick family members up from the airport unless they are staying with us and have loads of v heavy baggage for a long stay after an overnight flight.

I wonder if I would get the same response if I asked "mil wants me to leave my 12 mo baby crying in his cot for 1.5 hours so we can eat dinner together aibu to say no?"

I don't see leaving a baby to cry in a carseat is any different to using cry it out at bedtime, as a couple we have decided we don't want to do this.

I do realise the carseat issue is unsustainable, we need to address it but I don't think tomorrow is the right time or the right way.

I don't think it's your decision, is it? Let your Dp get on with it.

I would have reacted like you when dd was 12 months. She is now 3 and I have realised the world still rotates and dp is able to make decisions. At 12 months I thought dp had no idea and didn't let him get on with it enough.

Try to leave him to it. So so hard o know and I do sympathise but try.

Yanbu.

I wouldn't want my dp to do this either. Surely mil can just get public transport. It might even be quicker than sitting in London traffic! I drive and I always use public transport to get to and from airports and I have health problems too.

As for someone upthread saying babies have to fit into our lives not the other way round... Well I disagree. I didn't have children for my life to remain unchanged and them to just fit into what I want to do all the time. Unless it's absolutely necessary I modify my life and my plans to keep my children as happy and contented as possible - this trip is not necessary, it's a choice.

I'd feel the same way as you and I definitely wouldn't do it myself, but if I'd agreed to spilt parental leave with dh then on his days to look after the baby it's really up to him how to do it. If you trust him enough to leave ds with him then you need to trust in him having his own way of doing things.
You woukdnf take ds to the airport but he will be ok honest!

We live in a capital city ( not London) sil ( x2) work for the express train between the city center and airport so mil has free tickets for that. The train journey from the airport-sil takes less than a return car journey (45-50 mins).

I fly regularly and always go by train unless it is very early or late as then the trains don't run.

"Sorry mum, I would come and pick you up but ikeaismylocal says I'm not allowed to. See you when you get here"

Am I the only one wondering why SIL isn't picking up her mother/house guest, instead of her son and possible cranky baby?

I say Yanbu. I'd put my dd's comfort over making it easier for my mil in this situation tbh.

Why is everyone crying pfb?!?! When did MN become so competitive about putting everyone else ahead of their kids?!? Fuck it, my dd comes first.

It would have never occurred to me when my kids were a year old, not to pop out in the car somewhere because of them...I think you need to relax a bit.

YABU. You all need to just get on with the day & if it was us then yep, your DP should find a way around it, suck it up & collect MIL. PFB will be fine.

I would suggest to your dp that he goes early to tie in with nap time and gives the baby a crawl and a snack at the airport before picking up mil and driving back. And that she sits in back to entertain him on way back.

I also think the op is in danger of creating a self fulfilling prophecy. You say tomorrow is going to be hard for your baby...how about, tomorrow will be great, he will spend all day with his dad and get to see his grandma who has flown in.

Crumbs when mine was 12 months I had a 45 minutes car journey to nursery

What does your DP want to do, surely it is his decision, he is the baby's father - you do sound very controlling.

Where is MIL flying in from, is it a particularly long journey?

Not sure about your point that leaving a baby to cry in it's cot so you can have dinner, is equal to leaving a baby to cry in a car seat?

You are unable to pick up a baby whilst driving along, both physically and legally!

There are two separate issues, whether mil should be picked up and the decision that your baby will never be left to cry. If it concerns you so much, ask a friend to watch him whilst dp does pick up?