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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding dp picking up family member from airport?

135 replies

ikeaismylocal · 13/01/2014 16:48

Tomorrow is going to be a pretty hard day for 12 month old ds, it is my first full day away from him and he still breastfeeds lots and is very much mummy focused at the moment, he also has his mmr and the last of his other vaccinations tomorrow morning ( crap timing but it was the only slot they had for a long time) I should also add ds is a bit carseat phobic at the moment, he doesn't like being restrained and screams constantly if he is in the car and it isn't nap time ( then he sleeps) he is ok if I am sat next to him entertaining him but he still gets grumpy after a while. We are trying to build up the time of journeys and reduce the amount of entertainment he needs but it's going slowlywe are a long way off being able to just pop him in the car for a longish journey.

Dp is on paternity leave, tomorrow is his first time looking after ds for most of the day.

Mil has asked to be collected from the airport which is 45 minutes away at 11.45, ds wakes from his nap at 11.15 ish and then has lunch, he is usually pretty grumpy after his nap and I anticipate he will have a fever after his vaccinations as this happened the last 2 times and sore little legs.

If dp collected mil ds would most probably scream hysterically for an hour and a half.

Mil is 60 and able bodied, there is easy regular public transport from the airport to where she is staying, she isn't coming to visit us, the last time she came to stay she stayed at dp's sisters house and popped in to see us for an hour and a half, we have suggested she stay with us next time as she says she is sad ds is growing up without really knowing her but she said no, shed rather stay with sil.

The last bit of information is that we had a flight in December that dp asked her for a lift to ( they were visiting in the car) and they said no they didn't want to give us a lift as it was too early in the morning ( fair enough!), so we just used airport parking.

Aibu to think that dp should say no, it's not convenient as ds would be probably feverish, grumpy and hungry and it would be better to stay at home. We'd invite her for dinner instead.

OP posts:
sykadelic15 · 13/01/2014 18:22

I honestly think some people haven't read the OP..

The OP's MIL is not even coming to visit them! She's going to stay with SIL... So they're going out of their way to pick her up and drop her off somewhere else...

Sorry but no. Yes it's up to DP but I'd certainly hope he cares about the well being of his child. If I were him I'd tell her it's not convenient and have the person she's visiting pick her up (or take PT).

If she were visiting you it would be a different story.

SuburbanSpaceperson · 13/01/2014 18:30

Actually, I think you should leave your DP to make his own decisions. It's fine to give your opinion, but how would you have felt while you were on maternity leave if your DP had issued orders for you to follow while he was away at work? You would have been pissed off because you are your baby's mother and have his best interests at heart and constant micro-management by your DP would have implied that he thought that you were either incompetent or uncaring.

Your DP will make some errors of judgement (we all do) and he will learn from them and make better judgements in the future. One bad car journey will not traumatise your DS for life, but it will probably make your MIL reconsider asking for lifts in the future (nice quiet train vs. screaming child in car, no contest IMO).

BackforGood · 13/01/2014 18:36

I think YABU
But I think this isn't about your ds so much as about your anxiety at being away from him.
Your dp is looking after him, it's up to him to balance how much he wants to meet his Mum against the possibility of ds crying for some of the journey, and he can balance if it's better to keep him awake until he sets out for the airport, so ds will go straight off to sleep in the car, and then have his Grandma to entertain him on the return journey. You don't need to get involved. The parent who is caring for him makes these calls.

But seriously, you can't live your life only ever able to go out somewhere if you have another adult to sit next to your ds in the back.

MerryMarigold · 13/01/2014 18:38

I think you need to get a forward facing seat.

FredFredGeorge · 13/01/2014 18:42

It's not your decision, it's not a safety issue, and it would not be neglectful to take a 12 month old in a car seat for the journey so the parent who has care is the one to do it.

An bf 12 month old without access to his mother is unlikely to be on his normal "routine" in any case so planning around it would seem silly. I'd also say you've been pretty silly letting it get to 12 months before your DP has cared for him for the majority of the day!

There's so many ways to make the journey work (driving to the airport during the nap and having lunch there would remove any problem with the first for example even if he did nap at the same times as when you're with him.)

It would of course not be unreasonable for your DP to say no, use the train - and you've given no indication that MIL would be annoyed about hearing it's inconvenient.

SamanthaB · 13/01/2014 18:43

YABU. Life doesn't stop when you have a baby. Had to take two babies to childminder at different times of day (shift work). Just part of life! Sorry!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 13/01/2014 18:48

This is about you not trusting DP to look after the baby as you see fit. LEt him make the decision. I guarantee your child will still be alive at the end of it all. Let your baby become a little less mummy focused and a bit more daddy focused.

waltermittymissus · 13/01/2014 18:52

I think you need to get a forward facing seat

Quite.

LittleBearPad · 13/01/2014 18:55

You need nursery rhymes on the car stereo and something for your son to look at. Do you honestly never take him on long journeys by yourself but instead make sure DP drives so you can entertain DS?

Book mil a cab if it's really so difficult to get her bit do let DP make the decisions.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 13/01/2014 18:59

Why is a 12 month old in a rear facing car seat. Mine were in forward facing from four months or so. Good job, their grandparents were and are 250 miles away and they were regularly bunged in the back of the car and taken there!

Only1scoop · 13/01/2014 19:03

Blimey I missed that bit....think the rear facing might be making the little passenger unhappy....I wouldn't like it.

whatever5 · 13/01/2014 19:06

Your MIL has got a bit of a cheek to ask for a lift if it's only a 45 minute bus journey. I don't think it's your concern though.

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2014 19:07

If he's rear-facing, get one of those mirrors so he can see what's going on.

toobreathless · 13/01/2014 19:11

You sound rather precious.

Surely he can just have a late nap? DP then can always grab a coffee and give him lunch with MIL at the airport. Let her play with him while they have an hour chilling, look at some planes them head home?

I think that sounds like a lovely outing for DS.

toobreathless · 13/01/2014 19:13

For those questioning Rear Facing it is much, much safer.

Check out: www.rearfacing.co.uk

FWIW my almost 3 year old is still rear facing for this reason.

SiliconeSally · 13/01/2014 19:13

Is MIL assuming that now DH is on maternity leave he has nothing better to do?

Whatever the whys and wherefores I would not want to think of my baby screaming for 1.5 hours. Hopefully your DH feels the same way.

But I wouldn't expect my family to ferry me to and from the airport. It's a routine easy journey on easy free public transport.

surroundedbyblondes · 13/01/2014 19:13

Another one wondering why the SIL can't go collect her guest??

SiliconeSally · 13/01/2014 19:14

Presumably SIL is at work.

nulgirl · 13/01/2014 19:15

It must be difficult for you to hand over day to day control of your ds if you have been primary carer up to this point but ultimately it is up to your dh. You can point out the potential pitfalls of the trip but you can't micromanage how your dh cares for your ds when you are not there. Probably not the best timing on your first day back but there are going to be lots of occasions when your dh will not do things exactly the same as you would. I think you need to step back from the situation.

Justforlaughs · 13/01/2014 19:15

If your DS is in a rear facing car seat, his head should not be at the top of the seat. If it is, then the car seat is too small and not safe for him. If it is a seat suitable for up to 3 year olds etc then ignore this post.

steff13 · 13/01/2014 19:28

If he's having vaccinations and will be feverish and in pain, won't you be giving him some Tylenol? That will probably make him sleepy, and he might just sleep in the car. MIL can sit in the back and entertain him on the way back, correct? I think it's up to your partner what he wants to do.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 13/01/2014 19:31

Reading your post, OP, I have to say the first thing that occurred to me is that you probably find her irritating for lots of other unrelated reasons and also have a touch of the PFB. (Although I have a horror of parents who are slaves to naptime having had friends who wouldn't vary even five min from Gina Ford.)

However, I do think it's a bit precious of your MIL to want collecting when she's not coming to stay and could take the train. I can imagine being convinced, with further info, to agree she is a pain.

I don't know - I suspect your family situation/dynamic is a bit more complicated than is laid out here, with quite a lot of rubbing up the wrong way on various sides.

But let your DP just get on with it; your DC will be fine. I woudln't fight this battle.

LittleBearPad · 13/01/2014 19:55

The rear facing thing isn't so odd. Dd was in her infant carrier until 16 months. Wasn't too long for it until then (or too heavy)

Rear facing is much safer than forward facing.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 13/01/2014 20:01

I dont think he should be expected to collect her. If he doesnt want to or feels he cant he should decline.

However I am Shock at your dc being 12mo and your dh is only just having him.alone for most of the day tomorrow.

NeedaWee · 13/01/2014 20:03

Im not surprised the kids screeches if he has to sit facing the back of a chair for what seems to him forever. Use your common sense and get him a proper car seat where he can see whats going on and that hes not been abandoned.