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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

regarding dp picking up family member from airport?

135 replies

ikeaismylocal · 13/01/2014 16:48

Tomorrow is going to be a pretty hard day for 12 month old ds, it is my first full day away from him and he still breastfeeds lots and is very much mummy focused at the moment, he also has his mmr and the last of his other vaccinations tomorrow morning ( crap timing but it was the only slot they had for a long time) I should also add ds is a bit carseat phobic at the moment, he doesn't like being restrained and screams constantly if he is in the car and it isn't nap time ( then he sleeps) he is ok if I am sat next to him entertaining him but he still gets grumpy after a while. We are trying to build up the time of journeys and reduce the amount of entertainment he needs but it's going slowlywe are a long way off being able to just pop him in the car for a longish journey.

Dp is on paternity leave, tomorrow is his first time looking after ds for most of the day.

Mil has asked to be collected from the airport which is 45 minutes away at 11.45, ds wakes from his nap at 11.15 ish and then has lunch, he is usually pretty grumpy after his nap and I anticipate he will have a fever after his vaccinations as this happened the last 2 times and sore little legs.

If dp collected mil ds would most probably scream hysterically for an hour and a half.

Mil is 60 and able bodied, there is easy regular public transport from the airport to where she is staying, she isn't coming to visit us, the last time she came to stay she stayed at dp's sisters house and popped in to see us for an hour and a half, we have suggested she stay with us next time as she says she is sad ds is growing up without really knowing her but she said no, shed rather stay with sil.

The last bit of information is that we had a flight in December that dp asked her for a lift to ( they were visiting in the car) and they said no they didn't want to give us a lift as it was too early in the morning ( fair enough!), so we just used airport parking.

Aibu to think that dp should say no, it's not convenient as ds would be probably feverish, grumpy and hungry and it would be better to stay at home. We'd invite her for dinner instead.

OP posts:

SkinnybitchWannabe · 13/01/2014 17:20

I agree with Drbonnie sometimes babies have to fit into our lives all the time imo not us fit into theirs.
Ds goes without his nap dh put him in car seat regardless of how your ds hates it and goes to get his dm.
The more car trips the easier it will be.

londonchick · 13/01/2014 17:26

Sorry I think YABU

Original poster

ikeaismylocal · 13/01/2014 17:26

I do realise the car thing is pfb, I worry that if we just let him scream for a long time he will get more upset by the carseat, it's rear facing so he can't even see dp when he is in it. He's a really easy baby apart from the carseat issue ( and the bundles of energy he has).

We have never just left him to scream so if we do that tomorrow for the first time it would be upsetting for him more so because it is unusual, I don't want him thinking that his dad ignores his cries on the first day he is with him.

OP posts:

JoinYourPlayfellows · 13/01/2014 17:31

"babies fit around life, not the other way round."

Not my babies. I actually organise my life so that they are happy and comfortable as much of the time as possible.

Many people do.

YANBU

Your MIL has a fucking cheek asking to be picked up under the circumstances.

It would totally boil my piss knowing my baby was going to spend hours in the car crying his heart out so some selfish bitch who wasn't even interested in him could waste my family's money on petrol rather than pay for a taxi.

mysister · 13/01/2014 17:31

Change the car seat.mine always started screaming in the baby car seat from around 9 months old,they like to sit up by that time.for the rest I agree with the others,don't let him sleep then he can sleep in the car.

CheeseandGherkins · 13/01/2014 17:32

Why can't sil pick her up as she's going there anyway?

elportodelgato · 13/01/2014 17:32

YABU. Very.

I rarely say this but honestly, you need to get over yourself. Your pfb will suffer no ill effects from being driven to and from an airport, even if he does yell the whole time, babies do that sometimes. Agree with someone up thread who said that babies have to fit into normal life and not the other way around. In the nicest possible way: Let your DH get on with it and stop being so precious.

drbonnieblossman · 13/01/2014 17:33

he is 12 months, yes? trust me, he wont be having deep thoughts about his daddy ignoring him. your dh can put music on in the car to drown out the cries for entertainment.

mysister · 13/01/2014 17:34

Selfish bitch?? That's some assumption.its the baby's grandmother,I wonder if the reaction would be the same if it was the Op's mum.of course people try and make their babies comfortable as much as they can,but they do have to fit in with the rest of the family.otherwise what would happen in families with more then one child?

Thetallesttower · 13/01/2014 17:36

I would leave it up to your husband but although you do sound a bit pfb, I do agree with you that ideally, a baby who just had a vaccination might not be best squished in a car seat for a while. But needs must, if you had to do the school run, you would have to do it.

I think I would say to your husband to consider these things- if he chooses to go ahead, he will learn that screaming babies in cars are not that fun, but nothing bad will happen to your son.

and- the idea you can sit in the back forever with your son in case he cries is a bit bizarre, how do you think single parents or just mums or dads at home all day manage? I would drop this expectation.

Clawdy · 13/01/2014 17:37

YABU. Not your call.

Original poster

ikeaismylocal · 13/01/2014 17:40

With the vaccinations he is also having the last of the set of 3 (I have forgotten the name) he's had them before and was feverish pretty soon after but it could have been coincidence.

In all honesty mil is a toxic nasty woman, she has done some horrible things like tell me it was my fault ds was hospitalized with rs virus at a month old because I took him on the bus, she said I must give ds a dummy otherwise he would become so fat he wouldn't be able to walk, she is demanding we travel 1000km to visit her so she can spend time with ds but she won't make the effort to see him when she is local to us. I have posted about her before and the consensus is to never see her but I don't feel I can do that as it's ds's choice if he wants a relationship with her, but I certainly don't want to do her favours that will upset my baby.

OP posts:

PedlarsSpanner · 13/01/2014 17:42

Legs sore from the jabs rather than being in car I think?

It will be fine, deep breath chin up.

PedlarsSpanner · 13/01/2014 17:42

Ah x post

Thetallesttower · 13/01/2014 17:43

And- I am very baby-focused and allowed mine to be very mummy-oriented for a long time, but that includes mummy doing jobs like going to the supermarket, picking the kids up from school and generally driving about the place like a normal person. It is also important for your husband to develop his own sense of what's a good idea and what's not when he's in sole care. Even if he does cry a lot, he will learn this and perhaps incorporate that into his decision-making. In short, your partner has to learn to be a parent, and this is part of that learning. He might get five miles down the road, text his mum to get the bus and turn back!

Original poster

ikeaismylocal · 13/01/2014 17:43

That being said it would be the same if it was my family.

OP posts:

Thetallesttower · 13/01/2014 17:44

I hear you about the MIL- but again, it is your husband's mother and your husband's decision. If you decide as a family never to see her again or she does something very dangerous towards your child, fair enough, but if you don't like her, that's a little different and your husband has to be in on this decision really.

LIZS · 13/01/2014 17:46

ah , light dawns . If it were your dm would you make the trip or go out of your way to meet her?

Honestly it will be fine . dh (dp?) ad your ds will have a lovely day together at the airport and happen to meet mil. Would it be different if they went by public transport ? Are you sure you are exacerbating the problem by sitting and "entertaining " him in the car. Most toddlers dislike being inhibited but you really do have to get on with it .

ravenAK · 13/01/2014 17:48

If you're not going to be around, best thing is to point all these drawbacks out to dh & let him discuss it with MIL.

If I were MIL the prospect of 45 minutes in a car with a howling dgc would make a nice bus ride suddenly seem awfully attractive!

But it's up to them to decide - all you can do is give an opinion - ie. that it will be a miserable journey for all concerned.

SiliconeSally · 13/01/2014 17:50

Airport runs in and out of central London, for example, are a complete pain and MUCH better done by the very good tube and train lines that serve the airports. It is a big ask, an airport run to and from Heathrow, and cna take 4 hours return easily, depending on traffic. So a miserable way for a 1 year old to sepnd the day, strapped into a car seat.

So MIL is BU to ask.

But it's DH's watch: let him decide.

formerbabe · 13/01/2014 17:51

YABU and a bit precious.

Topseyt · 13/01/2014 17:52

This is your partner's call, as he is looking after your son tomorrow. If he thinks he can do it and wants to do it then let him. It won't harm your son to have his nap in the car for once, and he will if he is tired enough.

I have always been firmly of the opinion that babies and children have to fit in with your life, once they are becoming able. Of course you make adaptations to suit the fact that you have a baby, we all do, but life still carries on. If I needed to make a journey of any length in the car and mine didn't want to go in their car seats then I'm afraid my reaction was just "tough, this is what we are doing now", and they soon got over it. In fact, on most journeys they slept after the first 5 or 1 minutes when they were the age of your son.

Even if he does cry for a time, he won't come to any harm for that. He will soon be either at the airport or back home again, being fed, changed, played with or whatever else.

Justforlaughs · 13/01/2014 17:53

Am I reading the same thread as some people? 45 minutes not 4 hours!! Silicone

schokolade · 13/01/2014 17:53

Well I think you should give your DH fair warning and leave him to it. He'll manage whatever he decides I'm sure.

Topseyt · 13/01/2014 17:54

5 or 10 minutes.

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