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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding dp picking up family member from airport?

135 replies

ikeaismylocal · 13/01/2014 16:48

Tomorrow is going to be a pretty hard day for 12 month old ds, it is my first full day away from him and he still breastfeeds lots and is very much mummy focused at the moment, he also has his mmr and the last of his other vaccinations tomorrow morning ( crap timing but it was the only slot they had for a long time) I should also add ds is a bit carseat phobic at the moment, he doesn't like being restrained and screams constantly if he is in the car and it isn't nap time ( then he sleeps) he is ok if I am sat next to him entertaining him but he still gets grumpy after a while. We are trying to build up the time of journeys and reduce the amount of entertainment he needs but it's going slowlywe are a long way off being able to just pop him in the car for a longish journey.

Dp is on paternity leave, tomorrow is his first time looking after ds for most of the day.

Mil has asked to be collected from the airport which is 45 minutes away at 11.45, ds wakes from his nap at 11.15 ish and then has lunch, he is usually pretty grumpy after his nap and I anticipate he will have a fever after his vaccinations as this happened the last 2 times and sore little legs.

If dp collected mil ds would most probably scream hysterically for an hour and a half.

Mil is 60 and able bodied, there is easy regular public transport from the airport to where she is staying, she isn't coming to visit us, the last time she came to stay she stayed at dp's sisters house and popped in to see us for an hour and a half, we have suggested she stay with us next time as she says she is sad ds is growing up without really knowing her but she said no, shed rather stay with sil.

The last bit of information is that we had a flight in December that dp asked her for a lift to ( they were visiting in the car) and they said no they didn't want to give us a lift as it was too early in the morning ( fair enough!), so we just used airport parking.

Aibu to think that dp should say no, it's not convenient as ds would be probably feverish, grumpy and hungry and it would be better to stay at home. We'd invite her for dinner instead.

OP posts:
MyNameIsKenAdams · 13/01/2014 20:06

Need dont be so snippy.

Erf seats are safer. They can see out the side and rear windows.

I have one and 2yo dd doesnt even murmer.

A forward facing seat is no.more proper than a rear facing one.

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 13/01/2014 20:06

Fgs the world doesn't stop because you have children.
So - baby doesn't seem to enjoy being the car, life is full of crap we don't like and it's often unavoidable.
Go to work, leave your husband/partner to make up his own mind.
Give calpol before the injections if you are concerned.
The more flapping you do in the car the more the baby will think there us something to be miserable about.
Take a chill pill woman. It's a car journey !

Shelby2010 · 13/01/2014 20:20

YANBU

My DD also hated car journeys at that age, and I would usually sit in the back with her. Didn't bother me where I sat & it made her happier, so why not?

If you DH decides to collect his mother, then get him to miss the morning nap so DS is likely to sleep on the way there. Then MiL should sit in the back with him to feed him snacks, pass the toys etc.

Original poster
ikeaismylocal · 13/01/2014 20:23

It is a stage 2 rear facing seat so suitable to 3-4ish, the country we live in only seems to sell dc1 seats, I'm not sure if it is law but everyone has dc1 seats, we were shown horrific safety film by the midwife regarding rd seats. He travels in a forward facing seat when we are in the UK and he has the same issues.

He used to be fine in the car, we drove from Stockholm to Devon when he was 6 months old, he just slept. Since he has been walking he has hated the car and won't sleep unless it's naptime.

Dp felt it would be fine if he was ok after the jabs and if he waited for his nap, he just falls asleep in his highchair or on the floor if he's tired so it's not as simple as keeping him away, he seems to have a strong body clock.

Dp phoned mil and explained that he probably can come but if ds is feverish ( we were told paracetamol can effect the effectiveness of the vaccine and that we should give it unless ds's temp was 38.5+) or if he naps at his usual time so is then expecting lunch dp will organise a backup plan. Dp's/mil's family is very large, there are 30-40 family members who live within 5 miles of each other.

Mil went crazy and has now disowned dp Hmm

I can't expect a lady who is willing to disown her own ds over a lift ( when either way she would still be collected and dropped off where she wanted to be) to have any regard for my ds's feelings.

I feel sad for dp and ds :(

This situation has made me realise we need to work on fixing the car situation, bus travel is free for parents so we usually just take the bus, ds needs more car practice.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 13/01/2014 20:31

If your mil is prepared to disown you all over this then she is batshit crazy.

LoonvanBoon · 13/01/2014 20:36

Agree with Fairylea - on the basis of your update your MIL sounds unhinged.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 13/01/2014 20:39

Your MIL sounded unhinged from the OP.

It would be very unfair on your small toddler to put him through such a long journey for no reason, even if he didn't hate cars, even if he wasn't having jabs tomorrow, and even if it wasn't his first full day without you.

toobreathless · 13/01/2014 20:40

What a storm in a tea cup.

Agree if she disowns you over this then meh. Life goes on.

Original poster
ikeaismylocal · 13/01/2014 21:47

She is crazy, I think it might be more dmaging to try to continue seeing her.

She has control issues, she is used to deciding what everyone in her family does so when dp suggested a slightly different idea she saw it as a huge disrespect to her.

OP posts:
nevergoogle · 13/01/2014 22:03

you all sound nuts.

CSIJanner · 13/01/2014 23:12

FWIW if MIL is getting free tickets from SIL, then as the host, SIL should have organised it around her work patterns. That's what I try to do as host.

That aside, you're probably better off NC with MIL if she disowns over a back up suggested plan. How's your DH? Even if she is controlling and batty, she's still his mum. He must be v upset

coco44 · 13/01/2014 23:47

There is absolutely no reason why your DH can't pick his DM up.If yourSIL is working then of course it makes sense for him to do it.
Public transport!! Apart from being unwelcoming , she will have bags won't she?

wobblyweebles · 14/01/2014 01:34

You didn't read the whole thread then coco44?

Original poster
ikeaismylocal · 14/01/2014 11:00

Dp is understandably upset, I think maybe he should send her a text saying she is welcome to come and see ds if she wants.

OP posts:
diddl · 14/01/2014 11:04

Why would you want her to see her GS when she has disowned his father??

If there's ever a next time-just send someone else without telling her if necessary!

Original poster
ikeaismylocal · 14/01/2014 11:07

I think she would want to see ds, I feel at least like we should offer so the ball is in her court.

OP posts:
MomsStiffler · 14/01/2014 11:07

Your MIL has a fucking cheek asking to be picked up under the circumstances.

Those circumstances being that they have a kid? Shock Like many other people who carry on with life....

It's not the end of the world, just leave your DP to it (much as he would leave you to it)....

TinyTear · 14/01/2014 11:08

Not U

she isn't even going to stay with you!!

what does your DH say to it?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/01/2014 11:11

"Those circumstances being that they have a kid?"

No, those circumstances being that she refuses to do the same for them.

That she isn't staying with them, despite being invited.

That she is young and well capable of making her own way from the airport to the place she is staying.

Demanding her busy son, who has a child to look after, drag the child out for hours to pick her up from the airport is obnoxious.

"Like many other people who carry on with life..."

On what planet is "running around after your crazy, toxic mother at the expense of your baby" called "carrying on with life".

Carrying on with life can also mean saying "no, make your own way. I'm busy."

TinyTear · 14/01/2014 11:11

Sorry, hadn't read the update... sorry she disowned you but she is definitely crazy and you are better off...

mrsjay · 14/01/2014 11:13

yabu this is one little person why are you allowing a babyy to rule your life so much babies are adaptable his dad is on his paternity leave surely he is able to make the decision, I would be mighty annoyed and a little bemused at not being picked up because of a baby nap

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/01/2014 11:15

"I would be mighty annoyed and a little bemused at not being picked up because of a baby nap"

Why would you expect other people to waste their time driving to the airport and back?

Are you one of those tedious wankers who thinks getting on a plane is so amazing and rare that the rest of the world needs to get involved in the tedium of your travel arrangements?

diddl · 14/01/2014 11:16

Well I'm afraid if my mum disowned me, hell would freeze over before she saw the kids again!

Justforlaughs · 14/01/2014 11:24

I think you over-reacted to a request for a lift from the airport, but am prepared to conceed that IF she disowns your DH over a possible change of plan you may be better off without her. Wink

Original poster
ikeaismylocal · 14/01/2014 11:26

Dp is on paternity leave not drive around doing other people favours leave.

She would have been collected either way either by dp or by another family member, either the other family member would have looked after ds or driven to collect mil or dp would have taken ds if he could push his nap back.

Mil sees her children as pawns for her to play with, I think she was just a bit shocked that dp didn't just agree with her wishes.

OP posts: