To stop inviting children to parties when they have not had a party themselves

[PMDD]

I just read another thread about their son not being invited to a party. It has raised an interesting point that I am considering this year.

On the whole, I believe that if you have a large party where all the children or all of one sex at the party, that you invite the whole class and not leave one, two or three off the list. Especially when the children are in infants.

I really enjoy a celebration and hold parties for my friends and their children (and friends with no children) at Easter, Summer, Halloween and Christmas. My children have a party each birthday every year.

It costs a fortune but it is my choice to hold the parties. Each children's party costs around £300 to hold and my children are born in May, June and July so it is an expensive quarter.

However, over recent years fewer children are having parties or are only having a party for a handful of children at home or taking them bowling or to the cinema. My children may invite 20+ children to their party, but only get to attend less than 4 each year in return.

There are 2 boys who never invite my sons to their house/party, so I have decided this year to have the party but not invite the children that never invite my children. This will mean that in my friend's social group there will be 2 children who are not invited. I feel this is reasonable, but from reading the other thread, perhaps I'm not.

Actually, no. DD was sitting under a tree with some of the other invites children when I returned. The bouncy castle was empty and the adults who were there were either riding round on quad bikes or playing croquet
On the way home DD said it had been a bit boring as the children had been left to get on with whilst the adults sat round drinking beer and eating burgers.
Her best parties have always been at some activity such as owling or swimming party.

It really doesn't cost £300 for a few sausage rolls, and a bit of pass the parcel. Get a grip women.

And while we're at it, where the heck have you gone? Disappearing is just not cricket

owling!!! could be fun.

Yabu - not inviting a couple of children because they haven't invited your kids would make you a total bint

If you like throwing parties have a fucking party, don't turn it into some kind of point scoring event with the other parents.

I don't think you are putting enough though into this OP. Why not exclude the DC who bring a present worth less than the cost per head of the party? That would be about £10. Google each gift to work out what it is worth and cross off any DC who don't come up with the goods.

Obviously there are economies of scale in hosting a party. So if you still spend about £300 on the 15 who make the grade for the 2014 party season, the hurdle to be invited back next year would be £20.

Unless you know some seriously minted parents DC, you should find that you won't have to host any parties at all in a few years.

I think this is turning into one party the OP is happy to miss.

Bullshit at the £300 per party either your maths is atrocious or you are a lazy cow who has it all done for you & I've hosted many a full class & then some party for WAY less than that

If I'm reading your post correctly & you are proposing not inviting purely based on your DCs not getting an invite to a small or none existent party - then YABVVVU

& if I heard of such behaviour amongst DDs crowd, your own DCs would very likely be off all future invite lists, as I wouldn't want her mixing with the likes of unbelievably pompous uncaring gits like yourself

On the other hand - if you mean your DCs have actually been deliberately excluded by the DCs themselves - then maybe you might have a point

YABU OP. Like you we have parties for our kids birthdays, halloween, summer and Xmas. We have these parties because we love to have a house full of fun, because life is to be enjoyed and celebrated with others, and because I want my kids to remember their childhood filled with people we like and love and who make our lives happier for being in it. We don't just invite the kids, but the grown ups too....and we make a huge feast for everyone who wants to come.

Some people invite us back, others never do. Doesn't change a thing when we decide who to invite to the next party...I ask people to come because their being there makes me happy. I know that some mums HATE doing parties, some kids never get one of their own, some parents just aren't party people and I'd feel really mean and uncomfortable ostracising their child becaus of it.

If you feel hard done by in the way of return invitations it's entirely up to you how you deal with it, but think of those two kids and whether its really them you want to get back at.

You are being very unreasonable.
I was one of those children who never had a birthday party, probably because my parents couldn't afford it. T hankfully other children's parents were much nicer than you, and still invited me to their kid's partie s.
Have a word with yourself, OP.

wispy

Katie Hopkins? Yes, she does sound like her..

I'm back. Sorry I have been away and it took ages to read the posts.

To clarify, my children have friends who they always invite to parties, but we never ever get a return invite... in years. They have other play dates and they have party teas at home. However, their children do not invite mine. Specifically 2 children.

It is these that I am thinking of not inviting any more. It isn't about the money really, I just think that it isn't fair.

You sound delightful OP.

Havent got time to read 12 pages so I bet this has been said 1000 times already, but if your children get invited to 4 parties a year, surely they should only invite the 4 children to their party?

So you are teaching your children, that you give to receive. Right??

I just didn't think you should get into that mind set though op. Where does it end?

Ask who your dc would like there, invite them, spend what you can afford, make sure dcs have a great time, job done, don't over think this shit, it will drive you mad!

" I just think that it isn't fair"
oh boo hoo do grow up

Is not the children that aren't inviting your children, it's their parents. Don't be so petty. If you have a real issue why not ask the parents for a copy of their finances and ascertain why they aren't holding parties to invite your children too.

Oh, that's right, you wouldn't do that because it really doesn't matter(aside from being none of your business)!!! get over it and invite your kids friends.

My ds has a friend who is here a lot. Ds has never once been to his house. Should I stop inviting his best friend over because of this? Erm...no.

If you are asking the whole class that is great, you can afford it etc. If they are inviting a few CLOSE friends then perhaps your dc's are not their close friends?

I have 3 DC's and they don't always have a party at all, let alone a biig party. We can afford to, we just choose not to. DS is ok going to other parties but would hate being the center of attention so he does something with a few friends (snowboarding lesson last year), DD1 has had big parties but also loves girly sleepovers with make up and nail painting etc... DD2 is tiny and a birthday party/tea in the house is enogh but I would only ask close friends/family.

YABVU.

Let your children solve the issue.
Stop having the large parties which you "enjoy entertaining" and, instead, tell your children they can only have a set number of friends this year (10?). If you feel some social obligation then choose birthday treats instead of parties - to which no-one in their right mind would expect an entire class to be invited.
If they still wish to invite the two who have managed to offend you by not reciprocating, then you have a clear answer that your children regard them as friends regardless.

If you still decide to not invite then really this is not a post about a childrens party but about your party.

Hands up those who have vetoed inviting kids because:

Their mom is horrible to you, blanks you at the gate
Every year she does not invite your DC
You don't like the look of the child
They gave a pound shop present last time
They have a 'condition' you couldn't cope with
Their DC is very naughty, running riot at party
They don't include your DC in games at school
Their DC is not very clever (unlike yours!)

Oh come, on some of you are saints, you have got to have an opinion about some of the kids and parents. It would be a wonderful world if you could invite everyone all of the time, wouldn't it? You have to make choices, and its up to the OP who she is inviting, she is paying her hard earned cash for it.

To clarify, my children have friends who they always invite to parties, but we never ever get a return invite... in years. They have other play dates and they have party teas at home. However, their children do not invite mine. Specifically 2 children

In the interest if fairness - can I clarify -

is this just that they have small parties & the numbers these 2 DCs are allowed to invite means that your own DCs are perhaps just outside that small circle of closer friends?? So the DCs themselves are not really to blame

Or do you think that its actually these 2 DCs that are actively excluding your DCs ??

and are they particular friends of these children? Do you know their families? Play together in the park? Or are they just classmates that they invite? In which case, why are they inviting random classmates? Keep the party to their actual, close friends.

If those children are having big parties and excluding yours then yes, that isn't nice. But if they are having smaller parties, where mum has said there's a limit on numbers, and it is the case that these children aren't close friends with yours, then why should they be invited? If I had to invite every child who invites DD to a whole class party, then I wouldn't have space to invite DD's actual friends.

Or, they may not have parties at all, or just family parties.

I really do think that keeping parties to your children's friends is the best way forward. 6 friends and away you go.

I don't earn much money, about £100 per month

My husband therefore paid for my 40th party

So by the logic of some people he should have decided who was invited to my party and had the final veto on any guests I wanted to invite

And I should have totted up whose 40th parties I had been to and adjust my invites accordingly.....nice

And yes I know I'm an adult not a child but I let my children pick who they want to go to their parties, and yes sometimes I don't like the child or the parent but....ITS NOT MY PARTY

Oh come, on some of you are saints, you have got to have an opinion about some of the kids and parents. It would be a wonderful world if you could invite everyone all of the time, wouldn't it? You have to make choices, and its up to the OP who she is inviting, she is paying her hard earned cash for it

Errrr - I must be a saint then because NO!!! I have never when small excluded any DC for any of the above reasons, quite shocked that someone thinks that might be normal TBH

When DD was younger & we had bigger local hall parties DD invited the whole class, regardless of any issues in school & I'm very proud to say that was always HER choice too, because she was sometimes DELIBERATELY excluded by 2 DCs & she knew how that felt, so she always took the higher moral ground & invited them to HER parties anyway. I've got to be honest, with one little madam who made DDs life hell, manipulated others not to invite DD & then had the group rub DDs nose in it over & over, there hit a point where I would gladly have excluded the little madam - we definitely would have last year had she not left the school, but that would have been DDs OWN choice as she had finally had enough & parties are smaller(& more expensive) now anyway

Invites also extended to friends from outside of school & we invited our own friends along too - no way did she ever get the number of party invites back to balance out the number we invited, & TFF too, we would have had parties to take her to every week - no thanks

Its only now when the DCs are older & more responsible for & understanding of their own actions that we consider excluding from the main much smaller group that the invites go out to - one boy deliberately behaved badly at DDs year 5 party, I spoke with him about his behaviour several times, he was arrogant a cocky little shit & sees time away from his DM as carte Blanche to do as he likes - but we gave him the benefit of the doubt as he's a good friend of DDs & invited him to a camping birthday weekend this year, he was warned about his behaviour so many times I lost count, I told him if he didn't let up he would never get another invite to any of DDs parties - it got so bad we ended up with half of the DCs sleeping in our tent, because at 3 am THEY were sick of his behaviour - no SN, he was just an arse - the SN kids invited were a dream in comparison.

HE is at an age where he is responsible for his OWN behaviour, he didn't even apologise - he will not get another invite - EVER!

But that is not what the OP is talking about is it - so no, NEVER have I excluded ANY DCs simply because of no reciprocated invites

Should point out that although I feel rather saintly (St Rufus the kind has a ring about it) if I am very honest the situations melika describes have never come up at one of my children's parties (except the not including the child in games, that did happen to ds3)