To stop inviting children to parties when they have not had a party themselves

[PMDD]

I just read another thread about their son not being invited to a party. It has raised an interesting point that I am considering this year.

On the whole, I believe that if you have a large party where all the children or all of one sex at the party, that you invite the whole class and not leave one, two or three off the list. Especially when the children are in infants.

I really enjoy a celebration and hold parties for my friends and their children (and friends with no children) at Easter, Summer, Halloween and Christmas. My children have a party each birthday every year.

It costs a fortune but it is my choice to hold the parties. Each children's party costs around £300 to hold and my children are born in May, June and July so it is an expensive quarter.

However, over recent years fewer children are having parties or are only having a party for a handful of children at home or taking them bowling or to the cinema. My children may invite 20+ children to their party, but only get to attend less than 4 each year in return.

There are 2 boys who never invite my sons to their house/party, so I have decided this year to have the party but not invite the children that never invite my children. This will mean that in my friend's social group there will be 2 children who are not invited. I feel this is reasonable, but from reading the other thread, perhaps I'm not.

I would never exclude just one or two children, and especially not becuase they don't invite my child to their party.

I tend to have the rule that you should invite either ALL the group, or less than half of that group.

So, all the class of 30, or 15 or less
Or, all the boys eg 15) or 7 or less
etc.

My parents never hosted any birthdays parties for either me or DB. Reason why? We were poor, we were lucky to have a birthday present let alone anything else.

I went to lots of birthday parties of friends. I would have had a very sad and lonely childhood if my friend's parents had your way of thinking.

Very mean spirited.

You spend £900 on parties?

Are you Pippa Middleton?

YABU! I was that child who never got invited because "my face didn't fit", my parents could only afford for us to have a party every couple of years.

When my DC's have parties I make sure the whole class is invited or in my elder DD's case all the girls (apparently it's uncool to have boys at your party!). I would hate to be the cause of another child feeling as wretched as I felt growing up and being left out every time.

When you hold a party, your child gets a present from dozens of children. If you insist on seeing all this as a transaction - there's your quid pro quo right there.

YABU

YAB totally U. My dds are 10 and 7 and they've never had a big birthday party! (They have had small tea parties for family). The main reason for this is because dd1 has ASD and has no friends. I've toyed with the idea of having a party for her over the years but I'd rather not put her in the position of having no one turn up to her birthday party. Another reason is because I can't really afford a party for loads of kids.

We've made it a tradition for the kids to have a day out of their choice on their birthdays now. They love it, and usually spend quite a few months before their birthdays thinking about and planning where they want to go.

Some people have small houses or not much cash. Or... That you have to ask! I had no idea anyone thought like this.

Mine have rarely had parties as both have birthdays around Christmas. By that logic they would never get invited anywhere.

Anyone looking for the OP had probably better ring round the burns units...

OP you have gone.. but I cannot afford a fucking party!! some people cant'. 4 years ago I could, in 3 years I hope to.You are on another planet.

Very very unreasonable, you don't host a party so that you are invited back in return. You are being unfair to children who have no control over their parents finances. They may not be able to afford a party & you are punishing them for it by excluding them.

YABU

When I was 7 (I'm 53 and can remember this almost as if it were yesterday....) my 'best friend' had a birthday party and didn't invite me. I plucked up the courage to ask why and she said 'you didn't invite me to yours'. Well - that was because I hadn't had one because we couldn't afford it - and my father had died the year before and my mum really wasn't in a birthday party place. I can still remember the hurt and incomprehension. OP - you risk that conversation (or something similar) happening between your child and their friend. Don't.

Do you keep a running total on how much you spend on gifts for people & expect them to a) buy you a gift in return & b) spend the same if not more on you.

Fetchez

Jesus. My parents weren't well off. I never had a birthday party. I went to a few. I'd look at my friends in envy with their expensive toys and parties. Fuck me, who are you? Katie Hopkins??

OP you sound so so mean! It's great you spend so much on parties for your children, they must love that! But I think it's unreasonable to expect all other parents to be able to afford to throw a party like that!! I never had a big party growing up, just a few friends round for tea with a couple of party games. I got to choose a few friends to come and that was that! If I got invited to a party, great! But you don't invite children so that you get an invite in return.
YABTU and mean!

Sad that you would even think this way. Yes YABU.

'expensive quarter'

What- your children have more than 1 birthday a year, do they?

YABVU

I have had quite big parties for dd (all the girls and a few boys) and never concern myself in the least about reciprocation. Of course some kids don't have parties - and some have small doings rather than a party (which I don't expect dd to be invited to unless it's a really close friend). I feel awkward enough about the presents involved. I would never leave a kid out of a big party and really don't care if it's reciprocated. I'm posting so people know that a lot of us doing parties really are not keeping score. What a horrible attitude.

This has nothing to do with kids parties at all.
It is all about playground politics, which parent can out party the others and keeping up with/overtaking the Joneses.
My DD went to a party last year at the birthday girls house. Turned out to be a mansion with "grounds" complete with a ginormous bouncy castle slide thing quad bikes and its very own ice cream van.
I was nearly sick at the OTT vulgarity of it. It was so obviously a "look at me" from the parents. We all dropped our DCs off and left the preening peacock parents to it.

OP doesn't have to invite everyone every year!

If someone invites you for tea and you go, then you return the favour. It's good manners. Parties don't have to cost money.. Homemade food and games for a couple of hours is just as much fun and there is no reason why most people shouldn't be able to return the favour having enjoyed other people's hospitality.

Oh for goodness sake. Parties are about your child having a nice time with his/her friends. Not about your ideas of social obligation and reciprocation.

And have a think about why some children mightn't have big parties. I never did. I never had whole class parties, or cool swimming or bowling parties. I was grown up before I realised that it was because my mother was completely skint and trying desperately not to let me know.

Fortunately, my friends had nice parents who still asked me to their children's parties.

Notarealgrownup - did the DC have fun? Did the birthday girl have fun? If he answer to both is yes, then what is your problem? They had the space and the money - why shouldn't they use it to give their DD a fun party?