To be angry at DP's comment about lefthandedness

[Skoggy]

We have recently started DD1 on using knife and fork for dinner. She is doing alright with it but keeps having a problem when starting the meal as to which utensil goes in what hand.

Personally, I'm of the frame of mind that she holds them in whatever hand is comfortable for her. She is 2½. DP insists, point blankly, that she holds them the way righthanded people do as, and I quote "The other way is the wrong way. She needs to learn how to do it properly". This made me stupidly angry because I am lefthanded.

Are there some people out there who still think that being a lefty is wrong?

I am left handed and your husbands views have really annoyed me. Who decided there is a correct way to hold cutlery!
Let your daughter decide the correct way for her, ignore him.

It can't hurt for her to learn the correct way. If she doesn't, she'll be the one who feels uncomfortable at lunchtime interviews or formal meals, and it'll be more difficult for her to re-learn as an adult. She can still eat differently in less formal situations if she prefers to.

I'm left handed and eat with my fork in my left hand. When I write or sign anything the paper always has to be at an angle for me to do so. Cue strange looks from people who then say " oh your left handed" like I have two heads!! Your dd should go with the flow and what is comfortable for her.

YANBU

My DH had is his left hand bound up at primary school. That would be in the 70's in the UK.

She needs to hold things in whichever way is right for her.

As a primary teacher myself, I can't imagine trying to force any young child into using the hand that feels "wrong" for them.

BTW, they failed with DH...he is ambidextrous, just like his mum and siblings.

Well according to an article in the Washington Post Barack Obama eats finger food with his right hand and uses cutlery in the left handed way. I doubt he feels uncomfortable in formal eating situations...

LittleBaby surely the 'correct way' if the way in which a person feels comfortable with? Let's not be ignorant, it's 2014 now.

Where are all these formal dinners I'm supposed to feel uncomfortable at? I just pick the cutlery up and quickly switch hands. As far as I'm awRe no one even noticed, let alone cast me out/deemed me unworthy.

Littlebaby she can still eat differently in less formal situations.
I find that offensive and mean you could come out with such a comment.

OMG - I cannot believe the outdated attitudes to being a leftie in this day and age. What the hell do poor table manners, etc have to do with someone holding their fork in their right hand and their knife in their left? None whatsoever. The truth of the matter is making someone do things in a way which is unnatural to them, i.e. right handed lay when they are a leftie, just makes things difficult and uncomfortable.

I cannot use a knife and fork together left handedly because an old bag of a dinner lady of school made me do it the other way round. This meant it took me ages to eat and I spent miserable lunchtimes struggling to eat on my own after my mates had gone out to play because no one realised what was causing me a problem and I was just doing what I was told.

For everything else, I just adapted to make things work for me, but these days left handed items are much more readily available.

If someone sets a place for me with the cutlery the way round that I use it, I really appreciate that they have noticed and thought about me. I too have had restaurant staff move cutlery when I've changed it round. I think they think the table has been set incorrectly rather than I as a diner am wrong though!

I'm right handed and have never really settled on a hand to consistently hold my knife and fork in, although I favour the lefthanded way.

My table manners are excellent. I do fecking well chew with my mouth open which I think is the number one issue to teach your children about!

I don't chew with my mouth open

Yanbu to be annoyed. He's being ridiculous.

However, there are a very few things that, as a leftie myself, I'm glad I learned to do right hand. Scissors for eg-that's easier as a rightie. You just adapt as you learn these things tho. There were no left handed scissors at my primary school or at home.

Mind you, dh and I are both left handed and both our dcs are right handed. Odd.

And at her age it's good she's showing signs of hand preference. It's an actual developmental stage, called something like crossing a preference line or something I think.

Your dp needs to butt out of this!

But surely, using a knife and fork together requires control with both hands equally. Therefore, the argument about needed to use the knife in the left hand is invalid. It is good manners and etiquette to use the knife in the right hand and the fork in the left.

If handedness were to lead to someone not getting a job they were otherwise the best qualified for, the people interviewing could be on very shaky ground. I'm still at all the people who say left-handed eating = bad manners.

I've been to quite a few very formal dinners in my life and it has never, ever been an issue. Not. Once. Because formal =|= discriminating against people.

I'm left handed but hold cutlery the usual way; I don't do everything in a LH fashion, just some. There are degrees of 'handedness' in everyone. Some people completely favour one hand all the time for everything, others not so. Surely, and esp nowadays, it's not a big deal? Providing you have nice table manners, what else could be the problem? Who would even notice?

LittleFish surely it's good manners and etiquette to eat politely whichever hand you use? How exactly does a left handed eater break this etiquette by using a knife in the right hand? I don't actually understand how it is impolite to use the hand you are most comfortable with to out food into your mouth.as I said up thread, if DS writes right handed it looks like a spider took a dump and spread it across the page. It's totally illegible. Would you really prefer him to switch hands with his knife and fork and risk getting peas in your eyes?
What if the 'rules' were reversed? Would you change your hand to avoid offending weird people who judge?
The whole left handed debate is a hangover from more religious times when everyday lives were ruled by the men who read the Bible/insert religious text here. I would have hoped we are more enlightened by now, sadly we don't appear to be..

But you are using both hands equally with a knife and a fork Somethingkind - so why shouldn't you use the socially accepted convention of knife in the right and fork in the left? It's completely different from being left handed and therefore absolutely needing to write with your left hand. I would never suggest asking a left handed child to write with their right hand. I see no problem however with teaching a child to use their hands equally to use a knife and fork, following social conventions.

pointy

Totally agree about formal dinners. Been to tons of them. The quality of your conversation (as long as you aren't talking with your mouth open) matters far more than which hand you hold your cutlery in.

LittleFish is there a book that you got these rules from?

Littlefish how, exactly, is it good manners and etiquette to hold cutlery as a right-handed person would usually? Surely you are discriminating against lefties, which is not good manners or etiquette.

Any decent host should ensure guests feel comfortable, whether that person is doing things as they would like or not.

OP your DH is out of order and YABPR.

Doesn't work like that LittleFish. I just couldn't use my right hand to eat, like I couldn't use my right hand to write. I would never be so cruel to force my child to eat in a certain way that is 'apparently' conventional. Horrible thought.

so why shouldn't you use the socially accepted convention of knife in the right and fork in the left? It's completely different from being left handed

Would all the naysayers on this thread spare two seconds to ask themselves WHY the 'social convention is the way it is? Could it have evolved the way it is because the MAJORITY of people are right-handed?

So it is everything to do with handedness and nothing to do with manners. I cannot believe that this is not obvious to people.

Oh and you don't use both a knife and a fork equally as you use them together with different functions. Generally I would say you need more control over a fork as you use it to deliver food to your mouth. I cannot use a spoon in my right hand as I cannot control liquid on a spoon and get it to my mush without making a right mess. Easy peasy with my left hand!

Have you tried doing it the opposite way LittleFish? Just try it once and see how much food you get into your mouth in a socially acceptable way. Talk to people who had cutlery taken out of their hands and put back in the 'proper' way, or got caned for using the 'wrong' hand, it doesn't help at all!
DD2 is 2years old and still at the using both hands phase but she's showing leanings to the left at the moment. If you put a spoon in front of her she will take more times with her left than her right, that will probably change a dozen times before she settles on one. Whichever hand she uses won't make a blind bit of difference to anybody! Why would it? Nobody can be so uptight that they actually judge a knife in the left hand can they?

(Btw, Debretts does actually say knife in the right hand... Bugger debretts )