I feel sick at the thought of this hen party

[KittyLane1]

I'm due to go to a hen party next month. Bride is the fiance of DHS close friend. She has turned from a really nice person to major bridezilla this has resulted in her arranging the wedding to suit her family/friends entirely and left his out, as a result, DH and I are evening only guests and since that means traveling from nearly London to Edinburgh, we are going to have to decline.

The main problem is the hen party. She is an older first time bride and nearly 15 years older than me. Her hen party is a sit down meal and old school disco in fancy dress, mainly attended by her family and a few friends. Sorry I'm rambling, here's the thing, she has invited DHS ex, the ex he cheated on me with when dd was 3 months old, the ex who bragged about it (god knows why) to all mutual friends, the ex who nearly broke up my marriage.

Dh said he would put me in a nice spa hotel to male a real weekend of it but when I mentioned his ex he got huffy and retreated to the man cave. It's still a sore point for us.

So am I unreasonable for not wanting to attend a hen party dressed as tinkerbell, face his ex and not even get invited to the wedding? I don't want to piss off the bride bit I don't want to spend all night miserable and avoiding the ex.

Why would you go anyway? It's so far away.

You're not even 'proper' guests, just peripheral.

Don't bother , it will be crap for you.

I cant imagine why you'd even be considering going.

I can understand you not wanting to go.

But won't you see the ex when at the wedding with your DH ? So the issue hasn't gone away really except you save time/money/stress by not going to the Hen Party .

And it could be worse, bridezilla could have booked a Richard Branson smal island for a fortnight and make you all pay for yourselve and her.

I can't think of any reason on God's Earth to go to this event.

OP isn't even going to the wedding Pancakeflipper

Why go? She isn't your friend.

OP is not attending the wedding.

God don't bother

I'm close by to the hen party, its only the wedding that is far away.

I know if I pull out she will make a huge bridzilla fuss, dh will make a fuss and ol lose my hefty deposit. I'm just miserable about it all

I wouldn't go, why put yourself through that for someone who doesn't seem all that bothered about you anyway. I appreciate that the men are close friends but you don't have to be her friend too. If she approaches you about it I'd tell her you aren't comfortable being around this woman, surely she should understand that x

Yeah, I wouldn't go either. Just tell her you don't want to spend time in that bitch's company.

It was your cheating husband who nearly broke up your marriage. The ex, while not exactly covering herself in glory, isn't married to you.
I wouldn't go either, tbh it doesn't sound as if they're bothered about either of you being there.

Even without the ex issue I wouldn't go to the hen party, and would be thinking twice about the wedding itself.

YANBU.

I wouldn't go to the hen night. Life's too short to spend nights out in the company of people you'd rather not be with.

And I'd decline the evening invite too on the grounds it's too far away.

I wouldn't go if I were you. Not a chance.

OP: Just decline the invite to the hen party.

No way would I go to either the hen night or the wedding. By inviting a woman your husband has had an affair with the bride is making it clear your feelings are no concern of hers.

Why on earth should your husband think he has the right to make a fuss? Don't go. And tell her why.

Your husband's attitude is disgraceful.

Seriously! Your DH will make a fuss about you not wanting to face the woman he shagged when your baby was 3 months old?! And you are with him why precisely?

Nope, I wouldn't be going either!

And your 'D'H should understand why, frankly.

Nothing on earth would persuade me to go to that!

I wouldn't go. DH would be silenced with 'one single look'. He has no right to go all 'man cave' - he fucked up by fucking her and he needs to face up to that as often as you need him to.

Someone who hasn't invited you to the wedding is not entitled to make 'a huge fuss' over you not attending her hen party and if she really wanted you there, she shouldn't have invited his ex-fuck. Hardly rocket science is it?

As for the deposit - if you have separate money, dh can reimburse you. If not, one of those things. No point in spending MORE money to have a miserable time. If your money isn't 'in the pot' but you have paid for accommodation etc - see if you can change the date etc.

I would not go, noway.

tell them to get stuffed, definitely refuse to go

Don't go. Tell bridezilla exactly why you are not going. If dh doesn't understand why he's an enormous twat.