I feel sick at the thought of this hen party

[KittyLane1]

I'm due to go to a hen party next month. Bride is the fiance of DHS close friend. She has turned from a really nice person to major bridezilla this has resulted in her arranging the wedding to suit her family/friends entirely and left his out, as a result, DH and I are evening only guests and since that means traveling from nearly London to Edinburgh, we are going to have to decline.

The main problem is the hen party. She is an older first time bride and nearly 15 years older than me. Her hen party is a sit down meal and old school disco in fancy dress, mainly attended by her family and a few friends. Sorry I'm rambling, here's the thing, she has invited DHS ex, the ex he cheated on me with when dd was 3 months old, the ex who bragged about it (god knows why) to all mutual friends, the ex who nearly broke up my marriage.

Dh said he would put me in a nice spa hotel to male a real weekend of it but when I mentioned his ex he got huffy and retreated to the man cave. It's still a sore point for us.

So am I unreasonable for not wanting to attend a hen party dressed as tinkerbell, face his ex and not even get invited to the wedding? I don't want to piss off the bride bit I don't want to spend all night miserable and avoiding the ex.

DH and XP were together then split up.

OP and DH got together.

They had a baby.

When the baby was tiny, DH had an affair with XP.

XP bragged about this to everyone.

DH denies it's true.

When XP got together with her man, she denied it, too.

Now Bridezilla, who is going out with the DH's friend, has invited XP to the hen party.

Dh wants me to go instead of calling up bridzilla and saying hi its kitty I know I RSVP and paid for your hen bit I wont be going as I just found out ex is going and as you know she allegedly slept with my husband and so I would rather not see her. Bye.

As this would be "dragging it up" and causing a fuss.
Dh is very close to the groom, groom was our best man, the groom has had no say in planning the wedding hense why we are not invited to the full wedding.

crowler my husband's ex girlfriend from years ago, he allegedly cheated on me with her when dd was tiny.

I am currently in Scotland, near the hen venue but moving to England soon and so would have to travel to the evening do.

Your DH sounds like a self absorbed, controlling asshole.

Don't go if you don't want to, why do you care if the bride throws a strop? She doesn't care about you. She probably just wants a large number of people at her hen do to boost her ego.

So your husband thinks you're being dramatic, or.... ?

I don't think the bride considers you a good friend or she wouldn't have invited this woman. I would take a pass.

I agree fam, you do not have to explain anything, just say you now have other commitments, or simply you are not able to go.

"I know I RSVP and paid for your hen bit I wont be going"

That puts a different slant on it.

Does the bride know about you & OW?

Would you mind so much if she hadn't turned into a bridezilla & you weren't only invited to the evening do?

Your DH should be supporting you in this, not making you feel bad. His attitude and behaviour is totally unacceptable. It shows a lack of care, respect and love for you. But you know this already don't you?

How dare he get huffy!!!

That said-it could be that her fiance isn't bothered about your husband being thee & is OK with it being all bout her friends & family.

Don't go. No one's wedding should cause you to feel uncomfortable, awkward or humiliated. Your dh wants you to go because he doesn't want the whole episode dragged up because he would feel bad- he'd rather you did instead. Nice.
You have no real need to go as the bride and groom expect you to come all the way from London to Edinburgh for an evening do- so that's basically a non invitation. So you owe them nothing.

Personally I wouldn't go unless I was going to drink too much and have the balls to make a scene and call the other woman an evil hoor and spoil the hen party - now there's an idea.

Ever stop to think why the bride has invited you both?

Maybe you two are the entertainment and they're looking forward to a fight?

"Maybe you two are the entertainment and they're looking forward to a fight?"

Or maybe as three years have passed it's not at the forefront of her mind?

Your reasons for going are so flimsy, its clear that the reason you are planning to go is because you want to.

Losing a deposit? Who cares? You want to go, so go.

Oh dear god decline! And if she kicks up a fuss i'f ask how she would feel spending a night out with her DP's ex, one he had cheated on her with. If she has no compassion for your feelings on that, or your DH doesn't, then I'd tell them both to pull their selfish heads out their arses for five minutes and try some empathy.

Just say no.If you're falling out about it now,imagine what it'll be like if you do go.He has no place expecting you to do this. Anyhow it sounds like a crap do.Also I wouldn't be in the same place as exOW especially if drink was taken.

"the ex who nearly broke up my marriage."

Well, as much as your husband!

And that's the thing again-if he hadn't cheated there wouldn't be an issue!

How long are people supposed to not invite who they want to or put up with one always declining because some bloke couldn't keep his dick in his pants?

Is the bride actually a friend of yours? I can't tell from your posts; it mostly sounds like you just know her through your husband rather than being friends. In which case, why would you go? I have only been to hen dos of women I really like, have known for years and am going to the wedding. Or is she one of those who invite all women they know including ransoms from work in order to feel popular?

Or indeed randoms from work.

Not in a million years would I go. Why on earth does your dh expect you to? And if you're only invited to the evening wedding then you can;t be that close to the bride?

I certainly wouldn't go. I would expect DH to take me out somewhere very special instead.

If he is so close to your husband why are you not invited to the whole day ?

I got invited to my step sisters wedding, but only the evening - I declined , said I was away.

It was a fucking huge circus event courts tens of thousands and people got the pockets picked

Your dh has ZERO input in to an event YOU have been invited to go to. If you dont want to go, DONT.

You will be just sat there, on your own, hating it while his ex is having a ball.

If you're not good enough friends to be invited to the whole wedding, then you're really not good enough friends to go on the hen do. Just decline, make up a lame excuse if need be, the bride may get pissy with you but she genuinely doesn't really care about you.

diddl is right. Personally, I wouldn't goto the hen do or the wedding, but I don't think the bridezilla is being unreasonable in inviting both you and the ow. If you have taken back your husband after his appalling behaviour, she might assume you've not got a problem with the whole thing.

I wouldn't go all the way to Edingurgh for the evening bit of the wedding, I think its reasonable to say no to that, and explain its due to distance etc. If they really wanted you there then they would have invited you to the whole thing.

I haven't read all the replies, but no way on gods earth would I be going. Sod the deposit and the bridezilla.

Too much booze + women with ishoos in one place is never going to end well.

OP-why did you accept in the first place?