I can't ever imagine returning to work. And I'm quite happy with that

[Anyfuckerisnotguilty]

Although I realise that makes me seem quite odd to others

But I actually really like not working and just being able to do whatever I want

Yes same here :) As he is around more in the daytime (due to working many nights/late shifts) he has been able to attend most school events, pick the DC up from school etc. So he has been very involved with DC. And it is great sometimes having DC free time together too when he is off in the week!

Good- sounds like everyone's Happy then- which begs the question of why the OP felt the need to post!!

I know why the OP posted.
I'm not sure how old she is but sometimes when you know your choices/beliefs are not the norm or most popular of choices you are inquisitive to what others do and think.
I know I was like this when younger and seem to have the same outlook as the OP.
I think there are some very good points raised here that we should all consider whether who or sah.

Something that would make the decision easier (and life easier) for a lot of parents, particularly mothers, would be the state funding of 24/7 childcare, either low-cost or free, like the NHS. Because at present, if you have more than one child, childcare is hugely expensive if there is any available near you in the first place. And most nurseries etc are only open during office hours. Childcare that was affordable in the evenings/overnight would mean that parents could, if they chose, take on an evening or night shift.

But right now the world of paid employment is still pretty much functioning under the assumption that every employee has a mechanism in place to ensure that domestic work and childcare are dealt with. You know, something called a 'woman'.

(oh, and whichever poster was whining on about people getting on their bikes to look for jobs - again, that would only be doable if there's one parent not working outside the home. Because if you uproot and move miles from your extended family, bang goes your emergency (or even regular) cost-free childcare...)

As a single mother I could not work and claim benefits.... But I would be bored out of my mind so I work. I have just returned to teaching and I don't know if it is sustainable. I have been up every night Planning(including weekend) but I get holidays off which many women don't and potentially 65% off the private school fees where I work. Is it worth it? Not sure yet.

super - genuine question, why would you be bored? You are a teacher, presumably you are an intelligent woman, surely you have interests/hobbies/the get up and go to look for voluntary work etc etc?

I appreciate needing to earn money is a separate matter but in my 12 years as a SAHM I have never been 'bored'.

SGB, it was me who said about moving. My parents moved from a northern mining village to the SE away from where generations of their families had lived in order to find work after the village became a ghetto of deprivation following the pit closure. They had a choice of becoming another statistic in that deprivation or moving anywhere in the country where there was a job. They both worked so my mother wasn't at home at all so not sure how it was dependent upon one parent sah?

Likewise, we have moved 4 or 5 times with DHs job. We have no living family at all, children have no GP, aunts, uncles or cousins. But even when both my mother and mil were alive I'm not sure how either could have been used as emergency childcare when they both worked f/t in stressful professional jobs! Surely this is more the norm that GP around the corner who don't actually work?

worried, the norm is different for everyone...where I live lots of mums have the fit, active GP around the corner who seem to be on call for their every need, whilst some (the minority mind you), like me dont and never had.

and ragwort, if you have never been bored as a SAHM for 12 years, I'd say you were definitely in the minority, even on MN, where loving every minute of being at home with kids is seen as a badge of honour, although I never believe it myself.

Oh and my parents often talked about how desperately hard it was to leave all their family and everything they knew. However, they felt they had no choice, it was that or languish. Anyone who has any understanding of what happened to these communities in the mid 80s will tell you how awful it was. I know they always felt it was the right decision especially when they'd go home to visit and saw other mining families still living on the breadline.

It turned out well for them as dad continued to work as a janitor for the university whilst studying for an HND then after he finished they managed to buy a small house on his new salary. Then mum went to college and did a BEd as she had always wanted to teach but when she was growing up it wasn't what women of her generation or class did especially in a pit village where they married miners.

I guess our upbringing colours our views as it would never occur to me not to move for work or to consider staying close to family. I loved my parents deeply and miss then terribly but I would never have just looked for jobs close to where I was brought up.

ssd, maybe you're right but if the GPs are young, fit and active why would they be home all day?

When we had DC1, both our mothers were still alive but my mum was a very busy head teacher in a large school and dH's mum was a chartered accountant. Even if they'd been local to us they couldn't have helped with any sort of childcare through the week. I guess you're talking about people who married older with retired parents? Ours never got that far.

I wasnt raised in a northern mining village, but like you, worriedthistimearound, I moved away from family mainly because I was raised in the SE and knew it would be nigh on impossible to afford to buy a house there. So, same outcome but for almost opposite reasons!

I think we need to accept that life moves on, and changes to employment structures, plus also factors like people living longer, mean that it's becoming more and more rate for parents to have their own parents on tap to provide free childcare, or even emergency childcare. A 'normal' working life in the not too distant future is likely to be around 50 years long. Many people in their 60s these days are still working, or if not, have busy lives with other commitments and just aren't available to drop everything and be a childcarer. Conversely, if someone in their later years is not physically fit enough to still be work

Posted too soon.
If they're not fit enough to still work, they aren't going to be up to the demands of caring for youngsters

I agree with the principle of trying to make childcare more affordable though. Life moves on and we can't turn the clock back to yesteryear (and actually there would be a lot of downsides to a return to lots of grannies living around the corner and not having careers and just being available all the time) but we can try to ensure society keeps pace and gives serious consideration to the kind of childcare parents want and need. Having said that we are moving in the right direction... There are Vastly more nurseries, breakfast clubs and after school clubs than there were 20 years ago. But like SGB says, greater flexibility would be great too

Yes and that can only be a good thing! Just because I choose not to work doesn't mean I'm not fully supportive of women who do whether through choice or necessity. As a society we need to support these choices are affordable flexible childcare is needed for that.

Absolutely agree 100%.

I don't know, I don't know anyone personally who rely on GP for childcare but that's not yo say it doesn't happen. I know the fact that my parents and PIL are all dead isn't as usual but who are these GPs who are young enough and fit enough to provide childcare yet don't have their own careers?

My parents provided the childcare for both of my two, including a DS with Asperger's. They were both in their 60s. They had a fit and active lifestyle that my children benefited from immensely.
The flipside is now they are older and more crumbly and fragile, my two adore them and are very useful in the jobs and popping in for conversation stakes.
That's how our extended family works.

The vast majority of working parents I know use grand parent care.

I wasn't knocking it, just saying I imagined it was rare but happy to be corrected if that's not the case. As I said, even before they died both my mother and mil worked f/t in very involved careers so even if we had lived close it wouldn't have been an option. I guess I thought that was the norm.
Also, I assumed that it would only work for people who went to uni where they grew up panda sought jobs and a life there too. I guess I saw that as rare but maybe more people do that than I'm aware of.

No, we moved around a lot, parents moved around a lot and then they moved one last time and settled. Then we ended up in the same area by choice. Sussex is not where we grew up, or went to uni.

That's interesting, Silverapples and great that it worked out that way. (We're in Sussex too now and it's lovely) But do you think that's normal/usual? Would most GPs not be constrained by their own careers? I guess I made the (wrong) assumption that's they'd either still be working or would be older, retired and therefore less active. Again my own experience I suppose because I'm not sure either my mother or MIL would ever have retired!

I'm also wondering how much use I'll be to this baby (DC4 but DD1) as I'll be 43 when she's born so I guess in my 70s by the time she's looking at needing childcare! I feel rickety already let alone in 30yrs time!

I guess it varies a lot depending on location and other factors. When I was most conscious of parents relying on grandparents, was when we had just had dd, and we lived in a Gloucestershire village, very much a 'working village' rather than a chocolate box one IYSWIM. There were fewer employment opportunities and wages tended to be lower; also there were some families who had lived in the same village for generations and I guess it worked out that some grandparents didn't have employment and were young and fit enough to do it

We moved to the nearest city when dd was young and it's a very different demographic here; far more people who have moved around and don't have extended family here; also there is a much greater range of regulated childcare anyway

I suspect that the pattern will be that using relatives will be less common in future, if for no other reason, because it will become the norm for people to work until 65-70 or more.
Society has moved quite a long way in making childcare provision more widely available, subsiding nursery education from 3 years, introducing nursery vouchers etc but I think there's still more that can be done. The shared parental leave is the best thing yet, and I really hope lots of families take this up as its surely got to be a good thing for children and I think will be a big step forward in putting parents on a more equal footing both as parents and how they are viewed in the workplace

My DH has just resigned to have some time at home and decide if he wants to retire.
I am really curious to see if he gets encouraged to angst endlessly about not working and being bored and financially precarious or whether, being a man, people just go 'oh, good for you. I'd love to cycle and play golf more'