I can't ever imagine returning to work. And I'm quite happy with that

[Anyfuckerisnotguilty]

Although I realise that makes me seem quite odd to others

But I actually really like not working and just being able to do whatever I want

Of God, no not housework! I do as little housework as I can get away with. We have a cleaner and most of what I do do is child related. So I don't stretch out anything to justify being at home.

I'm quite sure you can get adequate childcare but my point is how much time does that leave between picking them up and their bedtimes? It was a genuine question or rather observation wondering how everyone else fits it all in without rushing or stressing. Maybe I'm just not efficient enough or maybe it's because I'll have four over a large age gap.

Well, first off, I wouldn't have returned to work with 'adequate' childcare. I had an absolute star of a childminder to begin with, and then my children went to a fantastic nursery which DH and I believed really benefited our children in complementing the experience they had at home on the days I didn't work. And (ironically!) I wouldn't have been able to afford this nursery without working so win win as far as I was concerned.

But this is my experience, and worriedthistimearound, your experience is yours, so there is absolutely no need to feel you're not being efficient, or that other mums working is in any way a reflection on you! You have clearly made a choice jointly with your husband which works for you and that's all that matters.

"I think housewives when not working stretch the tasks to fit the time.doesn't need an adult not working to manage a home,esp not if kids nursery,or school"

Do you think we sit home all day polishing the silver and ironing knickers?

'Two ft working parents,it's achievable.planning and adequate childcare'

I think the vast majority of people wouldn't choose that if they had the choice. Most of the people I know who were doing that have cut their hours at some point. That is why I quit myself, to spend more time with DC. If you don't need to sell your time, why not use it to benefit DC/the family/yourself?

Mine are all at school and I am very busy. I study 16 hrs a week with OU, about 2-3 hrs a day. Many of us with shiftworker partners have to do 'weekend stuff' in the week when they are off. I am rarely at home all day on my own. A full day a week I see elderly relatives. With 5DC there is loads of housework and also college age DD is at home a lot and we spend time together without the other 4. In between that i see friends a couple of days a week and have appointments and endless other stuff. Have never been bored.

Yes, many parents do cut their hours. Many also plan their working lives so that neither will be ridiculously stressed, working excessive hours or travelling away a lot.
But all this is a bit of a departure from the OP who is talking about never working again so that she can do what she likes when she likes. Which is nothing to do with having young children, and is an odd basis for a relationship to many of us

That's all well and good ,but just wait until in about 20 years time you need to work but no one will take you on because it's been so long since your last employment.
Happened to my mum ; luckily I'm on good terms with my manager who took her on and worked on getting her confidence back that she lost because she was out of work.

Standing - that's very possible. Pros and cons to everything you choose.

Janey, I don't feel you working reflects badly on me. But nor do I judge you for that choice. I'm quite sure you made sure you had fab childcare as most people do. I just don't think I could manage it all without being very stressed out, maybe with 2 close in age but not with 4 all needing different things. I honestly don't spend much time thinking about other women's choices whether that be working/not, BF/FF, elective section or homebirth. Really, I'm very much an each to their own sort of person.

I do, however, take issue with the assumption that by staying home I have either,

1. deferred to the wishes of my husband
2. failed to secure my long term future in case he dies/runs off 3)given up all my dreams and ambition to suit him
3. spend all day doing housework

Up until my ds was 6 months, I thought I wouldn't want to go back to work. By the time I was due back I was ready for it!
Each to their own though. I feel I have the best of both worlds. I work 2 (long) shifts a week and overtime now and again.
I got bored at home.

Bithurt- I can understand that. I reduced to 3 days a week until my children started school. I sometimes wonder how things would have panned out if we'd had the shared parental leave entitlement... I think DH would have taken the second chunk of time off and then maybe we'd both have returned to work 4 days each. I think it's A big step forward for families and society and most of all children that dads are going to have more choices open to them

Janey68, I think they massive benefit will be that employers will no longer be able to make the assumption that hiring the 35yr old man will be a safer bet than hiring the 35yr old woman in terms of losing them to mat leave. This can only be a good thing for women in the workplace.

Yes I chose to sell my skills,command a wage and be solvent.not dependent on a man
In the respect that housewife being dependent on a male wage reflects her financial inactivity
I'm more than happy to give up my time in return for vocation and remuneration

Great for you SM but not everyone has the same priorities. They may be different but not necessarily wrong. Why would you know what is best for other families?

Keep up,someone asked why would someone sell their time,time away from family

Remember too that dual income couples with mortgage based on both wages are dependent too. As are employed dependent on their job. Nobody is totally independent unless they have their own wealth. Most dual income couples say they both HAVE to work to pay the bills, hence they also are dependant on the other partners wage.

Yes it was me. I don't need to be told to keep up thanks.

Well do keep up,if you ask a question you'll get an answer

Come, come now jellybeans keep up!! You shouldn't have let your brain become addled with all this not working nonsense

We'd not be in penury or lose house if didn't have two wages
Working is choice not necessity
I'm aware for many yes the dual income is necessity. Not all though

i sometimes think i'd be happy not having to work but when i haven't worked, i've had too much time to think about stuff which makes me feel depressed.

I agree that in a sense everyone is dependent unless they have totally independent financial security forever (which is hardly anyone!) but I think it's a strange view that a dual income couple are somehow more vulnerable! Given that childcare in this country is hugely expensive, the situation for dual income families is that often they spend many years only breaking even, so tbh they probably aren't going to be any worse off if one of them loses their job! This was certainly the case for us and many other people we knew. I've no regrets, returning to work was the best thing I ever did (after having children of course which trumped everything!) but ironically if either DH or I had stopped working while the children were little, we would
Have been financially no worse off because we wouldn't have had nursery fees

haha Bowlersarm all this housewifery must have turned brain to mush!

If you are happy with your decisions then that is great. But it should work both ways. Some families are happier both working, some with a stay home partner etc etc. Most people would have to make do on a lesser income in case of a split whether they work or not.

Also not everyone who is a SAHM has a partner who has to work long hours to enable that. My DH only works 39 hrs a week, it is just very odd hours.

Also a huge number of people I know who both work rely an awful lot on free grandparent care.

Good point jellybeans about the partner who earns the money not being out of the house much. My DH is always here (it seems). We see a huge amount of each other. I love my life.