Scalded son, mother punishing grandparent, is this reasonable?

[vr6lee]

My mother had an accident with my son, to cut a long story short the kettle ended up being pulled from the worktop by my son while in her arms, this ended up scalding the bottom of his leg and top of his foot ending in a skin graft.
My mother is devastated and has really struggled with whats happened. But my girlfriend is not helping at all. She has said she doesn't want her near my son again and will never look after him again. I have talked her round and my mun has been able to see my son a few times. There is tension between my girlfriend and my mother now so I have offered to take my son up to my mothers so she can see him as she really does love him to bits. But my girlfriend has poo poo'ed this and says the only way she is seeing him is at our house when she is present.
I think this is undermining me as a father as I have said I would be present at all times just to ease her mind, but I can now only come to one conclusion and that she is doing this to punish my mother by making it as difficult as possible for her to see her grandson.

My question to other mothers is do you think this is fair behavior or is she being very harsh.

Thanks in advance for any opinions.

Lee

Well said SarahandFuck and Basil

This is very difficult
I think you have your priorities wrong, your son is of course your priority but after that it should be your gf. She has not said grandma cannot see him. It will take time to recover from this, lifelong scars are impossibly hard to accept.
If you do not back up your gf then each time you take your son to visit your mum I would expect their to a problem.
Prolonged arguments are never good.
I'm sorry to hear about this dreadful experience, your gf needs time. I hope you and your mum can give her that.

Alinkum - no! You should NOT use cling film for a burn! If the skin is too hot the film will melt into it and make it worse.

And altinkum - am so very sorry to hear about your son. Sounds like a horrific accident.

I agree altinkum, counselling is essential for this family, and for the OPs parents also. The OP might like to try some for himself too.

I don't see them lasting together if the OP carries on with what he's doing- but then that's the definition of madness isn't it- doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Gotta laugh pictishQUOTE:
"I fucking despair at this site sometimes, I really do. What a bunch of hard faced, self important people there are on this thread"

Now, if that isn't a sweeping statement, I don't know what is one: me thinks the lady does protest too much

This has been an interesting thread. I wonder is if its mostly all those who say "it's MIL bashing" are mothers to boys?!

CocktailQueen

Actually after cooling the burn you should apply cling in layers (not a wrap around)

What's that got to do with the price of bacon Venus?

Cocktailqueen - the nhs link posted disagrees with you. If clingfilm can withstand a microwave then it will survive on a burn I imagine.

Altinkum.

I don't blame my DH either for DS's accident, but I spent so many hours going through over and again what happened and wishing that I could have done something to prevent it. I wasn't even there at the time, just there for the aftermath in the hospital while DH was busy puking his guts up he was that distressed as DS was being treated. When I got the text to say to go to the hospital as there'd been an accident, I thought at worst a broken bone and was completely unprepared for what I walked into.

I've had counselling and proper psychotherapy. Threads like this take me right back to how it was and I've been thinking about it all day.

DS's accident happened in the Sept. When we were in the Burns unit of the children's hospital over the bonfire period, I saw things that mean I will never let my children anywhere near so much as a sparkler.

I didn't drink hot drinks for nearly a year.

When DD was little and spilled a cup of cold tea down herself I freaked and called an ambulance.

It will never leave me. Ever.

Altinkum I am so sorry that you have had to go through it too. Your DS's injuries sound worse than mine so I can only imagine what its been like for you. I think I remember chatting to you under a different NN when the accident happened (if you posted on here, but it sounds familiar). I am sending lots of love your way and I'm glad to hear both your son, and you, are now further along in the healing process.

the cling film i suspect will keep the skin moist and act as a barrier against infection. < am i wrong>

I would strong recommend counselling for you both as burn injury child parents as it will help you considerably (if the person is anything like my psychologist) and if at all possible your mother too individually and hopefully fingers crossed together

I second this, specialist counselling was what helped us all. My dd is 20 now her accident happened when she was 9, we benefitted hugely from specialist support (via the hospital) for a few years after and she still now has support offered after every op.

God, just want to wish those of you whose DC's have suffered serious injuries well, hope they all do well and you're all OK.

I can see how it could happen without the MIL being negligent, actually.

She could well have been holding him by the work top, and he grabbed the cable from the electric foot plate, pulling the base from underneath the kettle and upending it.

I am paranoid about burn injuries, because I did a placement on Salisbury Burns Unit when I was a student nurse.

Still, I can think of many incidents that were 'lucky escapes':

-Having coffee with a friend in a coffee shop. Friend's baby DS lunged forwards and grabbed the saucer. Fortunately, it tipped the fresh coffee towards ME and the friend instinctively pushed herself away from the table to distance them. (We were all ok...I did the same).

-A friend had a cup of tea on the side, then answered the phone. Her 4 year old tried to reach something and tipped the tea all over her. She still doesn't know how she didn't get burned.

-Another friend was starting to prepare to cook while her DD watched. She cut some onions, then reached over for some oil to put in the pan. Less than 5 seconds. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a glint of brightness. I realised that her DD had reached over and picked up a big knife by the blade. I grabbed her wrist and squeezed, hard, to make her release her grip. Luckily it worked.

-DD2 heard a sudden noise and ran away from it, jumping onto her sister's bed, which was next to a radiator. The radiator had been removed because we were decorating - her back was sliced by the radiator bracket. She still has a scar.

-I managed to smash DD3's head against the corner of a wall on Boxing Day, playing a silly game. We had to get it glued in A&E.

-DD1 was playing at school and broke her hand.

-DD1 was playing at respite, 4 days after her hand cast came off, and broke a growth plate in her ankle.

-When DD1 was a baby, she tried to eat a piece of mushroom and choked.

These were all incidents that could have been so, so much worse. We were lucky.

We're all careful people who make mistakes and regret our momentary inattention.

In case anyone doesn't realise, the above incidents are based on accidents involving 6 children over a 10 year period!

I was told that because a baby's skin is thinner it can be damaged more easily and at a lower temperature than that of older children and adults. Ds grabbed a cup of tea that had been poured some while. It mostly went down me as I tried to intercept, - it didn't even redden my skin, but ds needed 3 days on a burns unit, IVs ect. There was worry that he might need a skin graft too. There were many toddlers and young children in the unit. It made me ultra paranoid around hot drinks for many years.

Lougle,

That's where my dd was treated

So many good posts. Sadly I fear this op has his head so far up his own arse that he can barely glimpse the words twinkling in through his mouth.

Well, I'll pit my hard faced primeval ape like instinct to protect my baby (honed by millennia of doing just that) against OP's self proclaimed risk assessment skills he learned at work, any day.

Many people have not read the OP properly.
The OP is not talking about leaving the child at ghis parents.
He is suggesting he takes and stays with his DC at the GPs house.ie he will be there supervising.So what possible reason has she got apart from pettiness, to not 'allow' this unless she feels the OP should not be allowed to care for his own child.

"Well, I'll pit my hard faced primeval ape like instinct to protect my baby (honed by millennia of doing just that) against OP's self proclaimed risk assessment skills he learned at work, any day."

Really? How about civilized, evolved, human rationality? There are times for our inner ape. But there are times when we shod thank Darwin for evolution.

I'm just glad my mil would be the fist to tear someone a new one if they risked her grand babies health or safety. Never seen a woman move so fast when fil walked near ds with a hot tea!
I trust my mil more than my own mum such is her extreme level of safety awareness!!