Scalded son, mother punishing grandparent, is this reasonable?

[vr6lee]

My mother had an accident with my son, to cut a long story short the kettle ended up being pulled from the worktop by my son while in her arms, this ended up scalding the bottom of his leg and top of his foot ending in a skin graft.
My mother is devastated and has really struggled with whats happened. But my girlfriend is not helping at all. She has said she doesn't want her near my son again and will never look after him again. I have talked her round and my mun has been able to see my son a few times. There is tension between my girlfriend and my mother now so I have offered to take my son up to my mothers so she can see him as she really does love him to bits. But my girlfriend has poo poo'ed this and says the only way she is seeing him is at our house when she is present.
I think this is undermining me as a father as I have said I would be present at all times just to ease her mind, but I can now only come to one conclusion and that she is doing this to punish my mother by making it as difficult as possible for her to see her grandson.

My question to other mothers is do you think this is fair behavior or is she being very harsh.

Thanks in advance for any opinions.

Lee

[Teddy1970]

Same here Heffalump Doh!

[Teddy1970]

My MIL fed my baby boy food heated straight out of the microwave, didn't test the temperature and he burnt the inside of his mouth quite badly...I was livid, I couldn't really think about her feelings at the time because I was so angry at her lack of common sense, It's not as if she doesn't know, she's got three grown up children of her own and 5 grandchildren. Once I'd calmed down it was fine, she double checks any food now! I see where your GF is coming from, but she needs time to calm down and perhaps have a chat with your mum about it?

[AmyGMumsnet]

Hi everyone

Thanks for your posts - just wanted let you know that we've now prevented this thread from appearing in Trending

[didyoureally]

You sound like a great dad, well-informed and hands-on - unlike a lot of the dads who are discussed on here! and I think you are to be commended for trying to make sense of the situation. I understand the shock of the terrible accident, but can't help feeling that it would have subsided by now rather than escalating. Given the history between your GF and DM, I think that your GF is possibly prolonging the situation as the burn has given her a valid piece of ammunition against your DM. It must be so hard for you in the middle of all this. I think they both need a good talking to so that you can move forwards positively. Do you have any sensible and impartial friends or relations who could have a word with your GF and DM? (individually probably best!)

[HeffalumpHistory]

Fucking hell!! Read half a thread before I saw the date
What's with all the zombie threads being bumped this week?
There's a big fuck off zombie next to the comment box to alert you

[LordoftheTits]

I think the only thing you can do is give your girlfriend time.

The thread is two years old if that counts?

[ohtheholidays]

Oh bollocks,I only read the first page.

[ohtheholidays]

I'm not surprised honestly I think I would most probably be the same OP.

That is an awful awful thing to happen your poor little boy he must have been in so much pain,I hope he's doing okay now.

I think the only thing you can do is give your girlfriend time.

[LordoftheTits]

Argh, this is a daily occurrence now

[Iknownuffink]

Because google sometime direct people here to old threads.

It has happened to me umpteen times.

[SauvignonBlanche]

Why would anyone expect an update after two fucking years?

[AdrenalineFudge]

Imperial I was thinking exactly the same thing. She was the first person to respond to my first ever thread when I initially joined MN. A thoughtful, considerate poster with a sense of humour and great energy. I think she abandoned ship tbh as I'd like to think it would have been quite clear from posts if she was under a new NN.

[WellErrr]

Funny, I was just wondering that the other day Imperial. I've no idea though.

[cansu]

Unless your mum has form for being flaky about safety, she is being unreasonable. Yes I totally understand how she feels, but it was an accident and I am pretty sure your mum will be very very careful from now on. Ask her how she would have reacted if you had been holding your son at the time. She is allowed to be protective and cautious about leaving her in sole charge, but you absolutely should be able to take your ds to see your mum.

[ghostyslovesheep]

What the actual fudge - serious WHY BUMP THIS UP TWO YEARS LATER???

ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE

[pigsDOfly]

Yet another zombie thread. This is about the fourth I've notice over the last few days.

It's like yellow cars, you won't see one for months and then all of a sudden they're all over the place.

[ImperialBlether]

I do miss Cogito. Does anyone know whether she's still here under another name?

[BoopTheSnoot]

Well I'd imagine that it's long since been sorted in the two years that have passed since this was posted

[WellErrr]

What are people googling to dredge this up!?

[AdrenalineFudge]

Oh FFS!

[wheresthetea]

You know it's really annoying when you go to take the time to read the thread properly before replying and are on page 3 before you spot it's a ZOMBIE THREAD.

[silverpenny]

FFS what is it with zombie threads past couple of days

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

What sort of idiot dredges up a thread like this
ffs

[Petvet]

How did this resolve? If the grandmother truly feels bad and learned from her mistake, realizing that it was careless, the baby is probably safer in her care than ever, since she will be extra vigilant. I understand he worry and fear. My MIL hasn't injured my baby like THAT, but she has left him on the couch and walked away when he was too young to climb down, but old enough to crawl off, and he fell. She let him play in his great grandmother's glass China cabinet behind me while my great grandmother and my FIL said it was a bad idea. I was sitting at the table eating dinner, turned around, and gently said, "I don't think that's a good idea". My MIL said, "oh it's fine he's just playing and I'm watching him". My MIL is a bully. I was frustrated, since, as a mother, she should listen to me! But I turned around and picked at my dinner. Less than a minute later, the baby was screaming and crying, he had opened the cabinet, hit his eye and fallen. The MIL has let him play and touch the flat screen TV. When I said I didn't want him touching it because he could pull it over, she told me he can't pull it over, I'm being ridiculous. I know I'm not and I know babies die from pulling flat screen TVs over. I know that a small child can pull over much larger furniture. I stood firm on that one. She is highly educated, so should know better, but I feel it is about control. She has to be in control. When my baby was 1 week sort of a year old, my MIL babysat for us one night. When we got back, I noticed an open container of formula in the fridge. My baby hasn't had a drop of formula in his life and she knew that. She has babysat him before (though this was the first time without my FIL present too). She knows that we are anti-formula and in the past, I've told her she can give him a bottle of kefir watered down with coconut water, or juice. When I questioned her about the formula in the fridge, she claimed that she didn't know we didn't give him formula and that she assumed I meant formula when I told her she could give him a bottle. Even though we've NEVER had formula in our house (this was her house, her formula). She said he wouldn't take it anyway. He got fussy, she didn't see anything wrong with it. I was so mad. If she had said something like, "he was crying and I know you guys breastfeed, but I was desperate to make him happy so I didn't have to make you guys come home early, so I tried it" I would have been a little upset but ok with it. I could have respected that. But to lie and backpedal, and blame it on me for not being perfectly clear made me mad. Because I KNOW she knew we didn't want him to have formula. We had been through this discussion before!

So, while my baby hasn't been seriously injured, every minor injury involves my MIL and my MIL always dismisses my concerns. I feel I wouldn't be wrong if I didn't let her be alone with him anymore. Not because of accidents, but because she doesn't respect our wishes as parents. Luckily my FIL is usually there and he is responsible and respectful. I would understand your GF not wanting to leave the baby alone with your mom, but I don't think it's right to not let her see her grand baby. If your mother is normally responsible, and is respectful of your rules, and is willing to make any changes you and your GF see fit to make it safer, I don't think she should be punished like this. In fact, she will probably be hyper vigilant after an incident like that! I think the three of you should have talked, and spent some time all together with the baby. Grandparents are important for kids! I hope your GF recovered from her shock and allowed your mom to be part of the baby's life. Accidents do happen. When I was a toddler I pulled a pot of boiling broccoli and spilled it down my chest. They are surprised there aren't scars. But just imagine how guilty they felt, knowing it was their fault!

I hope your family healed from this incident!