Scalded son, mother punishing grandparent, is this reasonable?

[vr6lee]

My mother had an accident with my son, to cut a long story short the kettle ended up being pulled from the worktop by my son while in her arms, this ended up scalding the bottom of his leg and top of his foot ending in a skin graft.
My mother is devastated and has really struggled with whats happened. But my girlfriend is not helping at all. She has said she doesn't want her near my son again and will never look after him again. I have talked her round and my mun has been able to see my son a few times. There is tension between my girlfriend and my mother now so I have offered to take my son up to my mothers so she can see him as she really does love him to bits. But my girlfriend has poo poo'ed this and says the only way she is seeing him is at our house when she is present.
I think this is undermining me as a father as I have said I would be present at all times just to ease her mind, but I can now only come to one conclusion and that she is doing this to punish my mother by making it as difficult as possible for her to see her grandson.

My question to other mothers is do you think this is fair behavior or is she being very harsh.

Thanks in advance for any opinions.

Lee

So noone makes up bottles around toddlers now?

Moo Obviously not.

I make mine up I a spacesuit on the roof.

Your nana is terribly lax.

I will wait for an explanation of risks that were taken. Asking me to tale an ice cream to my brother lead to a car hitting me.

Daring to make bottles for a baby while caring for a toddler is the other.

Quote ?'I really hope that the children of the perfect parents (who obviously have amazing accident preventing abilities) never have to cope with their child having a serious accident whilst under their care.'

I would far rather be the one supervising when something untoward happened because I would then know it would have been a genuine fluke since as the main carer and by natural disposition I am very safety-conscious.

UK instead of going around quoting everyone why don't you explain your posts?

So what happens if you leave the toddler in the livingroom while you make a bottle so they are not at risk from the hot kettle and they climb on something, fall of and break their arm?

Is that an accident or should ss be called due to your lax parenting

I get on very well with my MIL, and trust her to care for my children in a safe and loving way. If either child had been injured while in her care (or anybody else's) then I'd find it hard to not blame myself for not being there to protect them, and I wouldn't want to put my child in a potentially dangerous situation again. It's not about MIL-bashing, who survived the worst childhood accident , or whether grandparents giving children sweets in lieu of meals is good or bad. It's about a parents who -justifiably- wants to keep her very young child safe while still facilitating contact with the person whose caring ability she's lost faith in.

Why can't the DH take the child around though?

That's the bit I do think is unfair.

Have just seen the tosh written about children having sweets, and crack.
For those people I hope you don't give your babies and small children dummies as this apparently makes them more likely to smoke when older, as they seek a substance to pacify.
Also, if you have so much against gps why not provide your own childcare for your dc, then you know you are doing it your way.

So really uk what you are saying is you don't trust anyone to look after your children as well as you do? Not even their father?

How do you cope with them being at school or when they are old enough to go out on their own

Little Because only mothers have a say. Its been said in last few pages. Its only controlling when a penis owner does it.

Imagine if a man wrote I am the primary earner so I get to decide how money is spent, there would rightly be uproar about equals. Yet women can use primary carer I get to make the decisions and he has to fall in line and back me even when he does not agree or he is spineless, and some people actually agree.

But Weller, for a true analogy, I wouldn't dream of telling DH how to do his job, even though I know a bit about programming. I'm the one who spends more time with our boys. I'm the one who recognises a difficulty that one of them is having and uses my knowledge and experience as a parent, together with a bit of research into ways of dealing with such issues, to devise a plan of action. Unless DH can predict a big, insurmountable, problem with what I'm planning, I expect him to support me, as I'll be doing the bulk of the work with them.

Why is it unfair though LittleTHor? Why can't the OP's mum come to the child's home to visit him? It's more likely to be safety-proofed for one thing.

Surely there's a massive difference between a job and parenting? I wouldn't tell my OH how to do his job even though I know a lot about it. But parenting isn't my job, it wasn't even my job when I was on maternity leave. It's a role we both share. It's really not comparable.

I think that had it been my son and any member of my family had had this accident happen whilst my son had been in their care, through pure grief and guilt alone I would want to be with him where ever it happened for a while, not forever but for a while. She isn't stopping your mum from seeing him, she is being a mum and taking precaution, the accident will still be raw in her mind. Help her overcome the accident and give her time to adjust to leaving her child again.

ouryve children aren't just a 'job' though are they, that you can apply for and quit whenever you like, your analogy is silly. You both make a child, you both have equal rights to the child and youyou should both have a say in any decisions.

Blue The OP just wants to take his son to his mothers house while he is there. Nothing to do with leaving him.

I do feel I am more responsible than my dp when it comes to making decisions about my dd because I am the main care giver. Mainly because he doesn’t put the effort into researching/thinking/trying out different options like I do. If I don’t tell him to feed her he generally doesn’t. He certainly wouldn’t think about how many sweets/carbs/protein/fruit/veg she’s had in an attempt to make a balanced diet.

He doesn’t research schools or developmental milestones, he couldn’t buy clothes because he doesn’t know what she already has and what she needs, in fact he wouldn’t even know what size she is. He just doesn’t have the same interest as I do about the everyday stuff. Maybe other people’s dp/dh's know all about the kids sleep schedules and activities diet etc. but mine doesn’t and he makes crap decisions a lot of the time.
He loves dd equally but I am the decision maker.

He certainly wouldn’t think about how many sweets/carbs/protein/fruit/veg she’s had in an attempt to make a balanced diet.
He doesn’t research schools or developmental milestones

I don't do that either. I don't know people that do.

I just don't get why the child has to go to the grandmother's house. The grandmother is not being prevented from seeing her grandson, she's just been asked to come to the child's house . Perhaps OP's girlfriend is worried that her child might be frightened about going back to a place where he remembers something very upsetting happening? Or are we now trying to insist that GP/ MIL rights trump childhood trauma?

She is allowed to see her in her house in her presence only.

Why not let the husband take him over?

Smacks to me like he isn't trusted.

Or are we now trying to insist that GP/ MIL rights trump childhood trauma?

Totally not hysterical

If the father wants to take him then why shouldn't he? There doesn't have to be a reason.

I think she is bu. unless she did it on purpose. Poor woman must have been through hell. The last thing she needs is this and I assume that there was no love lost anyway. Normal people entrust their pfbs and understand and care for both sides.

Sps you don’t know anyone who researches schools and thinks about what the dc eat? Maybe they just don't mention it because I find that hard to believe.