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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not like unexpected guests??

115 replies

TeaAndFag · 06/01/2014 14:44

Does anyone else get annoyed by people just 'dropping by' at their homes without any prior warning? I have several family members who will just turn up whenever they like, I would never do this but DM has the attitude that family should just be able to come round whenever. I mean, I'm usually happy to have people round for a coffee or whatever, and I understand that family want to see the DC's but am AIBU to expect at least a text beforehand checking if it's ok?? There's been times before where the kids have been having dinner/house has been tip/me and DP have been having a 'disagreement' and a family member has turned up in the midst of it! Surely I'm not the only one who finds this irritating?

OP posts:

SamG76 · 06/01/2014 14:52

YABU - as long as they don't expect more than a cup of tea, or for the whole place to be spotless in their honour.

I'd be very disappointed if a family member was in the area and didn't drop in. One of the great pleasures in our household is an unexpected guest.

MrsWickens · 06/01/2014 14:53

Definitely not unreasonable! I HATE people just turning up. I prefer to ask if I'm welcome before going somewhere and would appreciate the same courtesy from others, even especially family,

LunchLadyWannabe · 06/01/2014 14:53

I have this, they always seem to come when im not dressed, house is a tip etc. its not very often it happens so i dont mind so much.

However dh does have a problem with family walking into our house without knocking. I personally have no problem with this. He also doesnt like it when people just walk upstairs to use the loo when he isnt dressed and hes upstairs.

Im my familys defense though, they dont come before 1pm, and i suppose they expect dh to be dressed at that time. Sometimes he is and sometimes he isnt.

Bowlersarm · 06/01/2014 14:55

I don't like it either OP.

We socialise a lot. Have people over frequently.

But I like it to be planned. I get a bit grumpy about dropper inners, although don't show it, but would never say "if you're in the area please pop in". Would prefer not to answer the door to unexpected guests tbh.

crescentmoon · 06/01/2014 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanSeberg · 06/01/2014 15:02

I can't stand dropper-inners. I've been known to pretend to be out in the past.

I'm an introvert and hate having my 'me' time interrupted, it's bad enough with warning but without notice ... I can't bear it!

HooHah · 06/01/2014 15:07

I wouldn't mind if it was family, they know I'm quite untidy and I'd like to see them more.

Friends are different, half an hour's notice would be better than suddenly appearing when I've just started tea. Dropper-inners also should never comment on the state of your house.

NinjaBunny · 06/01/2014 15:09

A friend used to do this.

I was doing an OU course and a lot of free time was used doing this.

She'd knock, I'd say sorry but I was busy. She'd ask for a quick cup of coffee and then stay fecking ages and I'd lose my train of thought for what I was writing.

Her partner wouldn't allow her to put credit on her phone so she couldn't call or text first. So she'd just turn up with her fags and badly behaved child.

She was always doing it.

I bought curtains for the front door and kept them closed. We hid when she came round.

I've moved now. Won't be telling her where I live!

pictish · 06/01/2014 15:10

Yanbu. It takes nothing to check.

scarletforya · 06/01/2014 15:11

Yanbu.

angelinajelly · 06/01/2014 15:12

YANBU. There's no excuse to drop in completely unannounced when you can call or text to check first, so to me if someone doesn't do that it's because they don't care whether it's convenient and are happy to put you on the spot.

Tinkertaylor1 · 06/01/2014 15:22

My family know to text/ring in advance.
Dh didn't seem to get the memo!
Mil is by far the the worst for just rocking up and will stay fir hours ! She lives a two min walk away . When I first had dd2 she was always bring people round to come look at the baby - people I didn't even fucking know. Sat there in my living room expecting me to hand my baby over and make them a brew with a belly full of stitches !

She got told I didn't want strangers bringing round so now she stands them in the fucking hall explaining to me ' how I know them' - Julie's, sisters, boyfriends aunts ....you know them don't you.

She plays in she daft about it but she knows dam well what she was doing . I just took to locking the door and closing the blinds!

magesticmallow · 06/01/2014 15:22

YANBU - I HATE this too!!! It took ages for my family to get their head around me hating it when we moved, they were put out at first, actually I told my brother twice it didn't suit and I had to listen to it for 2 years from my mother but they are over it now and generally always call.

My parents were calling last week just to collect my dd's for the night, we were going out that night so I didn't bother getting dressed and I looked pretty manky but I wouldn't mind my folks seeing me like that, then my brother and his girlfriend arrived too, I was a bit miffed that they didn't text, I could have brushed my hair and put on a bra had I known

stopgap · 06/01/2014 15:24

I'm all for plans scheduled up to a week in advance. I cannot abide people just dropping by on a whim, and if that makes me utterly rigid, I don't much care.

mouldyironingboard · 06/01/2014 15:29

YANBU

I'm always happy to see people (even at short notice) but give 10 minutes warning to cover my spots and eye bags prepare

Preciousbane · 06/01/2014 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fivegolddeblooms · 06/01/2014 15:33

YANBU! My Mum is like this (though thankfully lives hundreds of miles away from me). She will pop round to my Auntie or cousin's house, won't even knock, just opens the door and shouts "helloooo!" and wanders in!

Have tried to explain how rude it is, but she doesn't get it.

She was bitching at me the other day about how she'd gone to take a present to another cousin's newborn and was told to come at 10AM on Sunday morning. She was very humphy about it "I've been given a time and everything". Yes, mother, they've got a newborn baby - perhaps they'd like to be prepared before you just walk straight into their house without knocking.

Wevet · 06/01/2014 15:38

I recommend living in a different country to all family, and then moving to the country within the other country, thereby meaning that any visits from friends last a weekend, and need to be planned in advance.

I don't have any dropper-iners here. I am a writer, and when DS in at his childminder's or napping, or otherwise engaged, I am writing and don't answer the doorbell, whether it be Jehovah's Witnesses or the neighbours.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 06/01/2014 15:43

YANBU. I have my side of the family quite well trained - DSis knows she needs to give me at least 3 hours notice of a pop in, or 2 days notice of a proper visit. That is just how I like it. Long enough to run the hoover around, or do a deep clean.

The in laws on the other hand pop in when they feel like it, never bother to ring and check we are in first etc. Which then leads to them being disappointed if we are out / busy putting the kids to bed.
They also just walk in, don't knock first, they just try the door and come in. Hence FIL walking in on me more than once to find me boob out winding a baby.... and complained I should cover up (in my own home, when it was just me and baby in the house ). I now make sure the door is locked at all times!

Squidwardtenticles · 06/01/2014 15:47

Me! I hate it with a passion.

I don't have much time to myself but when I do I like to chill or clean up. I don't need people popping round for a brew.
I'm not a bloody café.

RandyRudolf · 06/01/2014 15:48

YANBU

All our family are respectful of each other's space and will always text or ring before coming.

livinginawinterwonderland · 06/01/2014 15:51

YANBU! I HATE it. Just because I'm home, doesn't mean I'm happy to see people or to socalise. It's really rude imo to turn up to someone's house and expect to be entertained.

princessalbert · 06/01/2014 15:53

YANBU

I hate it too.

How hard can it be to call or test first to check it is convenient.

I like my own space, and resent anyone interrupting my hour on the sofa mid afternoon having a nap.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/01/2014 15:53

But surely if someone pops round for a cuppa or whatever and its not convenient you could always tell them that !

My BIL - whom I have known for 24 years - will not come round without an invite. I find it annoying and it pisses me off big time....... he can be working in the same street as I live and yet he won't pop in. I don't understand it.

I have some friends who I know I could nip in and see, and some who would hate it. I love company, come round mine whenever you want, if i'm busy I will tell you.

Want to see me, come over anytime, want to see my house then make an appointment :)

livinginawinterwonderland · 06/01/2014 15:56

Because you're put in a really awkward position when someone turns up at your door and clearly expects to be let in and entertained. It's pretty rude to turn up and expect the other person to be okay with you being there.

A text in advance is much better and gives the person an opportunity to say no, or to say "sure, give me thirty minutes to grab a shower". Surely it's just manners to ask first?!

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