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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like unexpected guests??

115 replies

TeaAndFag · 06/01/2014 14:44

Does anyone else get annoyed by people just 'dropping by' at their homes without any prior warning? I have several family members who will just turn up whenever they like, I would never do this but DM has the attitude that family should just be able to come round whenever. I mean, I'm usually happy to have people round for a coffee or whatever, and I understand that family want to see the DC's but am AIBU to expect at least a text beforehand checking if it's ok?? There's been times before where the kids have been having dinner/house has been tip/me and DP have been having a 'disagreement' and a family member has turned up in the midst of it! Surely I'm not the only one who finds this irritating?

OP posts:
Iwilltrythisnamefornow · 06/01/2014 18:21

I don't mind occasional popper-inners.
You are not BU to feel irritated but a bit U not to tackle it by letting them know you'd like a text call in future, as by avoiding it you are allowing the irritation to continue. I am sure after a couple of reminders they will take it in their stride and make the small change.
I do find it a bit sad reading that somebody you know that lives miles away and hardly ever see that would by chance happen to be in your area, couldn't possibly pop in for a cup of tea as they wouldn't be welcome and you wouldn't even open the door Shock That said, my husband's friend's wife is like this too and when we spontaneously went to look at a car in their area (80 miles away) we knew we couldn't even say hi when we drove past their road as she'd be furious as it wasn't planned in advance. Oh well, it would be boring if we were all the same Smile

Dollydishus · 06/01/2014 19:48

Dr Nick...I'm a really welcoming person! (I hope). But it's hard to be welcoming if I don't have notice that you are coming....if I do know, then the house will be reasonable, I'll set the DCs up with something to do so I can listen to you properly, coffee will be on and the decent biscuits ready.

Can't see how that me an unwelcoming person?

Peggy...But not using a diary to organise your life? Each to her own but the vast majority of people do organise their lives with a diary because they have a partner/work/DCs/school etc to fit in with and work round. I think it's great if you don't need to you, but I think you are in a tiny minority.

Oblomov · 06/01/2014 19:53

I like it. Hardly anyone comes unannounced. But I like it, on the rare occasion that someone does.

Adeleh · 06/01/2014 19:54

YANBU. It drives me up the wall. We used to have neighbours who did this a lot, and would arrive and stay for three hours. I used to stop speaking but my DH would get embarrassed by my rudeness and chat away. But nobody asked me if that was how I wanted to spend my evening. Time after time.

ManualSpaniel · 06/01/2014 20:00

Yanbu

I hate this, everyone except DHs family have grasped this. They were dropper inners, especially BIL. That seems to have stopped now after the time I was pretending not to be in, he came round the side of the house to look in our kitchen window. I was stood with no top on bf'ing.

Not a pretty sight, but should teach him to call first.

JadziaSnax · 06/01/2014 20:00

I really don't like it. I work long hours and I'm an introvert so need to know in advance if someone is coming. It's fine if it's my parents as they only stop for 30 mins or so.

BananaNotPeelingWell · 06/01/2014 20:02

I detest it too. I don't live a life that has big bits of time unaccounted for. Inlaws are habitual popper-inners. They can happily blow my day and plans to bits just because they are looking for something to do for an hour on their way to or from something else.

SamG76 · 06/01/2014 20:05

We know a lady who puts on her coat and hat before answering the door. If it's someone she doesn't want to see, she says she's on her way out. Otherwise, she says she's just got in and it's lucky they caught her. Works for her....

SantasPelvicFloor · 06/01/2014 20:12

then they post about having no friends and hating everyone ..who would have thought?!

I rarely see posts like that. I see lots of posts from busy people who juggle. I am one of those and struggle to keep up with demands from friends to see them! Hence my desire to be warned first. I can juggle my life around them.

Adeleh · 06/01/2014 20:12

I have been known to fantasise about having a moat and only letting down the drawbridge when it suits.

TheFabulousIdiot · 06/01/2014 20:13

YANBU, I always warn people I am coming. They might not be there for one thing!

Beautifulbabyboy · 06/01/2014 20:14

I love people dropping in. I think an open house is fab, and I hope it is my house the kids and their friends choose to congregate in when they are older! (Am going to make sure I always have lots of pizza and cake on the house to help this!!)

Dollydishus · 06/01/2014 20:17

On Mondays, after I've dropped the DCs to school etc, I come home and draw the sitting room curtains a bit so I can sit on the sofa and not be seen from outside.

On Mondays I am not available in anyway til after lunch. It's my only bit of time in the week to myself. Def. not opening the door to anyone!

Joysmum · 06/01/2014 20:17

I hate people stopping in, my family and friends all know this and phone/text ahead. Added to that, I don't have a regular routine so can't be relied in to either be in, or not in the bath!

I don't feel compelled to answer the door or the phone if I'm not in the mood. Everyone who matters and loves me understands this.

ManualSpaniel · 06/01/2014 20:36

adeleh I'm with you on the moat idea

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/01/2014 20:45

YANBU, I think is rude. Shows a lack of respect for other people's homes and personal space. Also, it's the expectation that you're always available.

hamptoncourt · 06/01/2014 20:55

YANBU AT ALL!!! I hate this.
It just doesn't happen to me though as I always check who is at the door before opening and so if am not expecting someone and it isn't a delivery person etc, I just don't open the door.

I don't care. I think it is really rude to just turn up at someones home uninvited and I would never do it myself. I don't bother to hide or anything, I just do not answer. Same goes for the telephone. A ringing door bell or telephone are a request for attention, not a demand.

Eminybob · 06/01/2014 20:56

Yanbu. MIL does this and I hate it. Especially if dp isn't in and she still expects to be entertained.
I like to get into my pjs when I get home from work and she always seems to look down her nose at me "are you ill?" Wtf? No I just like my pjs!
I've told DP to tell her not to and he has but she still does it.

Eminybob · 06/01/2014 20:57

Oh and she always says "I'm not stopping" then stops for hours

Xfirefly · 06/01/2014 21:03

YANBU!!!

we had a friend who would always turn up without warning. mega problem would be that it would be mostly 9pm!! it was a lot worse when I was heavily pregnant.,DP had to get up at 5 for work and we were exhausted by 9. at one point he was over 5 times a week. just before baby was born we sent him a lengthy message telling him we couldn't do it anymore. luckily its worked. we always get a text now Grin.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 06/01/2014 21:07

I love having friends over and I am very hospitable BUT only on my own terms. I hate a pop in.

almapudden · 06/01/2014 21:12

I'm going to get flamed for this, but I think this is a class difference. 'Popping in' is a working class concept ime. Monty Python-style miners and women in rollers.

perplexedpirate · 06/01/2014 21:15

Hate it. Absolutely hate it. I have friends who say, 'oh we'll call this afternoon' and it pisses me right off.
I need a time. A rigid time so I can be ready to be 'at home'.
I find droppers-in hugely invasive.

Rooners · 06/01/2014 21:16

Answer the door in your coat. Then you're either 'just got in' or you're 'just on our way out' depending on whether you want to see the person or not.

I never ,ever do this but it sounds like a cracking idea.

Btw I have no visitors because everyone has realised I hate it, and they don't even try any more.

sorted.

TwatWeevil · 06/01/2014 21:17

A moat/drawbridge is a seriously good idea, especially in this weather, moat will be full in no time.

"An Englishman's home is his castle." Indeed, so f* off with your popping-in!