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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like unexpected guests??

115 replies

TeaAndFag · 06/01/2014 14:44

Does anyone else get annoyed by people just 'dropping by' at their homes without any prior warning? I have several family members who will just turn up whenever they like, I would never do this but DM has the attitude that family should just be able to come round whenever. I mean, I'm usually happy to have people round for a coffee or whatever, and I understand that family want to see the DC's but am AIBU to expect at least a text beforehand checking if it's ok?? There's been times before where the kids have been having dinner/house has been tip/me and DP have been having a 'disagreement' and a family member has turned up in the midst of it! Surely I'm not the only one who finds this irritating?

OP posts:
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 06/01/2014 16:57

I get 5 hours 'me' time a week. I don't mind people popping in but if i had a little warning i could get some nice biscuits and some cake.

I do like people popping in, however it eats at my time mining when the system is empty.

SaucyJack · 06/01/2014 16:58

Poppers-in don't bother me, but I'm lucky enough to live in a block of flats with a buzzer entry so I just don't answer the entry phone ever if I'm not expecting anyone or up for visitors.

I would loathe it if we lived in a house tho.

digerd · 06/01/2014 17:05

I don't understand how people can let themselves in. My front door cannot be opened from the outside without a key and it is 15 years old.

AdmiralData · 06/01/2014 17:05

I love family popping in, depending on the member. I have snooty bloody relatives who I would prefer warning from and ILS who take me and my home as we are. The latter have been informed of our open door policy and like this but do not take liberties, MIL brings cake too so she is ALWAYS welcome >:}
MY blood relatives will turn up with food from the chippie and will ask for plates, cutlery, table mats, salt and ketchup (This is DB) and also two teas with sugar. Wasn't fun trying to feed 3 month old DS and organise their lunch >:{
Also have one very old friend who can turn up whenever he wants because he is lovely and brings his own beverage as doesn't like to be a nuisance, bless him.
YANBU though OP. :)

AdmiralData · 06/01/2014 17:06

Forgot to add that DB will ring me when he is in the chippie asking me if I have bread and butter in too >:{

DownstairsMixUp · 06/01/2014 17:07

cardibach I think you are rude though, and you will think I'm rude, that's personal opinion. Sometimes me and DP are having a blazing row/DS is having a terrible day and being a pain in the arse/I have plans to go out or I have been at work all day, and actually, I just wanted a bit of me time so yes, it is rude to not give people notice. I'm hardly going to be in the mood to talk to anyone if I'm stressed/DP has pissed me off or I am knackered from work and planned the evening alone.

livinginawinterwonderland · 06/01/2014 17:12

it's not being a drama queen Hmm - why is my personal time at home less important than my time at the office? why can you barge in on one and not the other?

Blatherskite · 06/01/2014 17:12

I cannot stand it when people drop by unannounced.

I used to not mind as much until I moved in with DH but his parents will drop by without checking first and then judge me - because as a woman, the state of the house is entirely down to me so if it's a mess it is all my fault.

10 years of this and they've got me so paranoid about what people think that I can't stand anyone else coming by without giving me a chance to tidy up first either.

Blatherskite · 06/01/2014 17:13

"and then judge me - because as a woman, the state of the house is entirely down to me so if it's a mess it is all my fault."

^This is their opinion not mine by the way.

SaucyJack · 06/01/2014 17:15

My BIL - whom I have known for 24 years - will not come round without an invite. I find it annoying and it pisses me off big time....... he can be working in the same street as I live and yet he won't pop in. I don't understand it.

Perhaps he just doesn't want to........? Some people like their own company.

DrNick · 06/01/2014 17:17

ah mumsnet
home of the welcoming, the adventurous, the spontaneous

DrNick · 06/01/2014 17:17

then they post about having no friends and hating everyone

who would have thought?!

ShatnersBassoon · 06/01/2014 17:18

It doesn't bother me. Usually I'm happy to have a cup of tea with a friend. If not, I have no problem telling them it's not convenient. I'm often in the middle of things I don't want to stop doing, so I'm very used to telling people to come back later and none of them had ever taken it badly.

I think everyone who calls round without arrangement half expects to be disappointed.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 06/01/2014 17:19

If people pop in unannouced my house will be normal, I will have dishes that need to go in the dishwasher, there will be toys every where. There will be washing lying around and the normal family mess.

come around 8:30pm and my house is spotless and I will not be doiing a million things.

CaptainSweatPants · 06/01/2014 17:20

My house only gets cleaned when we have guests so I need notice Grin
also after Sch run in winter we're all in pjs or slobby clothes & I don't want to entertain with my hairy legs on show & no make up on !

DownstairsMixUp · 06/01/2014 17:20

DrNick I have plenty ta. We just all have kids and drop each other a quick call to say, "Hiya, is now a good time?" it's called consideration. :)

MrsDavidBowie · 06/01/2014 17:21

I would be appalled if someone, family or not, came in my house without knocking.
Do they have keys??!!

Original poster
TeaAndFag · 06/01/2014 17:22

DrNick- I'm very welcoming...as long as I've got notice!!

OP posts:
mameulah · 06/01/2014 17:22

YADNBU!

I managed to put a lid on it with my IL's after out baby was born.

I don't want people I don't like deciding how I should organise my time.

So, they get up in the morning and decide 'mmmm we'll take a drive out to Mameulah's and Mameulah's DH's house.'

Why don't I get included in that thought until they rock up at the door?

Odd and rude.

SamG76 · 06/01/2014 17:23

Most of the droppers in come on Saturday when I don't take calls or texts - it's important for me that the DCs see that we have an open door policy.... I would tell someone if it wasn't convenient.

notso · 06/01/2014 17:27

If my friends popped round and I was in the hall ready to go out with shoes and coat on, they would be fine with coming back later or whatever.
It's the fact that my in-laws are happy to make us late, change our plans or whatever because it suits them.

HungryHorace · 06/01/2014 17:30

People do know they shouldn't be leaving their doors unlocked, don't they? That'd stop people randomly wandering in. Including burglars!

I sometimes pop into my inlaws' house with baby DD on my way home from the shops. Maybe I should stop! I don't really know anybody else to pop in on!

roundtable · 06/01/2014 17:34

This will totally out me but WW3 began in the roundtable's house as we had the audacity to ask for a text/call before turning up when we came home from the hospital from ds1.

The reasoning being that we had a stream of people coming round, one day we had 10 one after the other. We could have told them when it was quieter so they could have proper cuddles.

They went apeshit. Turned up anyway then stormed outbecause we had visitors and weren't paying them enough attention. Then invented a list of ways that I had wronged them. Examples included not paying mil enough attention at my baby shower that friends threw for me; not answering a question that I didn't hear after a 3 day labour and emc and more.

See a theme here?

If people are happy to have dropper inners then marvellous but people who refuse to give a 5 min warning to check it's ok even though they know the person who they're going to see prefers it, in my opinion are usually rather controlling and attention seeking.

roundtable · 06/01/2014 17:36

Sorry that was the inlaws that behaved like that. Just realised that didn't make a lot of sense, sorry!

LynetteScavo · 06/01/2014 17:50

I hate unexpected guests.

The last one asked if I was ill. No, I just had no make up on and was enjoying a film on the sofa in my old tracksuit lounge wear - now piss off