To ask my parents to stop giving my son sugary food

[ComplexAndDangerous]

Feel like I'm constantly fighting my family regarding my toddler son's diet- he has just turned 2. They constantly attempt to ply him with sugar. After lots of discussions they are slightly (very slightly) better at not giving him chocolate and sweets, but will still fill him up on petit filous, squash and fruit between meals. They will let him have unlimited grapes as he loves them, and when I protest they tell me I'm being ridiculous as they're 'healthy' (yes but full of sugar, not great for teeth and make him refuse his dinner). Apparently I'm also mean for only putting water in his beaker, as 'children need juice'.

DS is generally an ok eater, but today, while at parents' house, refused his lunch (tomato soup and tuna sandwich) and so I said well that's all that's on offer. My DM said 'don't be cruel, just give him a nice yoghurt or some fruit' and I said no, I would re-offer him the sandwich in half an hour but no alternative. Caught her dishing DS up a strawberry muller yoghurt five minutes later! I normally just tut but today I said 'can you please stop doing this, it's really not helping me encourage him to eat well'.

I really want DS to develop healthy eating habits and not too much of a sweet tooth, but feel like I'm constantly being made to feel like a meanie and I hate that I'm always the one to say no.

It's bizarre as I actually feel I'm very relaxed about food compared to my friends. DS is allowed fruit squash when we eat out, gets a biscuit or some chocolate buttons as a treat after swimming once a week and has fast food (mc d's or takeaway) once a month or so, but I try and create some decent boundaries. I'd also never ever tell my family how to feed him when babysitting, as that's down to them, but expect my rules to be upheld when I'm actually there!

My parents are now in a huff with me as I told them I wasn't happy with what they were doing. They are amazing grandparents and I hate, hate, hate falling out but wish they would just see my POV for once! I'm just so tired, to the point of tears, of fighting them.

Tinned tomato soup?

Not this time, was a fresh tub from supermarket, but he has Heinz too!

All I can say is, if the tomato soup is tinned YABVU.
Not because I have an issue with tinned foods in themselves, but you do realise that it contains loads of added sugar don't you?

Otherwise, just say to them, if you continue to feed him sugar, then I will have to limit any unsupervised contact. They aren't that amazing if they won't listen to you.

Sorry OP, crosspost.

I'm sure a lot of processed foods have added sugar, but I try to be realistic about these things.

Re: the juice comments, tell them to ask their own dentist about children's drinks next time they have a check up.

I always hate having to bed the big bad mum who says no all the time and everyone else gets to give out the treats and do non of the work. They pathologically don't listen so no advice but ill watch this thread for any advice.

Depends, how often does he see them, every now and then won't hurt.
Maybe not if it's every day/meal time.

Be not bed

At that age would he not be having snacks (something like fruit and yoghurt) between meals. Feeding small children = little and often?

I'm not sure if I fed my two year old tinned soup and even the odd McDonalds I could get exercised with others for feeding him too much fruit.

Oh no curly see it's ok, as they get the sugar free juices (bangs head against wall)

I see them about twice a week

Even supermarkets fresh soup contains high sugar and sodium. And bread isn't up much nutritionally either. And tuna has it's own issues. So your offerings weren't without fault there op ( even if provided by your parents)

I don't tend to offer snacks, as I find he doesn't eat his meals as well if I do. He's very vocal if he's hungry though and if that's the case then of course I feed him!

Gah never said they were perfect!! I'm not trying to he perfect, I just want him to eat sensibly and not think he can have a substitute every time he doesn't like what's on offer!

He'd just eat grapes and yoghurt all day if he could

The sugar free juices are full of aspartame. Evil stuff. Better off with bloody sugar.

I wouldn't worry too much if it's just twice a week tbh, doesn't hurt to keep an eye on it but not worth getting upset about.
Unless he's eating his own bodyweight in rubbish when you do see them

funky yes I know and agree, prefer to offer just water as neither seems a great option

OP, YANBU.
My kids try this... 'don't want this mum' and I know it's not because they don't like it, they would just prefer something else (i.e. nutella on bread ) (can't blame 'em! ).

I simply say this is what there is, take it or leave it, and more often than not, they take it. If they don't, they can get down and leave and go play but when they hungry, there is nothing other than what they've left, heated up (if need be).

Just to clarify, I don't make thing they don't like and they have a varied and balanced diet and will eat most things, but even they try it on.

I don't know tara, see what you're saying but those twice weekly visits build up. It's not so much the food he is having that bothers me (although clearly it does) but they eating habits he's developing over time. In between his granny and granpa visits he is always whining for 'weeties' and 'ogurt'

I just didn't buy squash or juice when mine were small but my Mum did, if it's not there they can't have it.

What's wrong with yogurt?
Apart from the fact that I hate the stuff so never bought that either and now none of mine particularly like it!

Yogurts aimed at kids are particularly bad.

Yeah, I get that but the ordinary one's are ok aren't they?

Nothing terribly wrong with muller yoghurt occasionally in my book, but DS prefers it to his actual savoury meal (which tends to be more filling and less processed, unless we are on the run) as it tends to be sweeter than whatever meal is actually on offer. Id rather he eat his proper lunch first, yogurt or fruit to follow if still hungry