To ask my parents to stop giving my son sugary food

[ComplexAndDangerous]

Feel like I'm constantly fighting my family regarding my toddler son's diet- he has just turned 2. They constantly attempt to ply him with sugar. After lots of discussions they are slightly (very slightly) better at not giving him chocolate and sweets, but will still fill him up on petit filous, squash and fruit between meals. They will let him have unlimited grapes as he loves them, and when I protest they tell me I'm being ridiculous as they're 'healthy' (yes but full of sugar, not great for teeth and make him refuse his dinner). Apparently I'm also mean for only putting water in his beaker, as 'children need juice'.

DS is generally an ok eater, but today, while at parents' house, refused his lunch (tomato soup and tuna sandwich) and so I said well that's all that's on offer. My DM said 'don't be cruel, just give him a nice yoghurt or some fruit' and I said no, I would re-offer him the sandwich in half an hour but no alternative. Caught her dishing DS up a strawberry muller yoghurt five minutes later! I normally just tut but today I said 'can you please stop doing this, it's really not helping me encourage him to eat well'.

I really want DS to develop healthy eating habits and not too much of a sweet tooth, but feel like I'm constantly being made to feel like a meanie and I hate that I'm always the one to say no.

It's bizarre as I actually feel I'm very relaxed about food compared to my friends. DS is allowed fruit squash when we eat out, gets a biscuit or some chocolate buttons as a treat after swimming once a week and has fast food (mc d's or takeaway) once a month or so, but I try and create some decent boundaries. I'd also never ever tell my family how to feed him when babysitting, as that's down to them, but expect my rules to be upheld when I'm actually there!

My parents are now in a huff with me as I told them I wasn't happy with what they were doing. They are amazing grandparents and I hate, hate, hate falling out but wish they would just see my POV for once! I'm just so tired, to the point of tears, of fighting them.

janey - the GPs are doing the opposite of getting the child to expect to eat what a host prepares though - they are teaching that not eating/refusing what's offered for a meal is OK and gets you offered a sweet snacky substitute instead.

If Op was insisting on them giving DS a packed lunch instead of their healthy homemade shepherds pie and veg that everyone else was having, then I would agree with you.

oh it is a grandparents not doing when they are told thread ok , OP just take what you want him to eat when he visits the grandparents then it is problem solved, this is going to turn into as it already has granny being naughty and nice and mummy being horrible and strict you need to stand up to them or not take him , they need to respect you, fwiw it can take a while for it to sink in you want them to actually not spoon in yoghurt every time your back is turned

thing is it's not the salt/sugar/healthiness of the alternative that's the issue, it's that her DS was rejecting savory foods, and only eating sweet/pudding type foods. That's a very difficult habit to break once it's started, and grandparents shouldn't be encouraging it. If you do have to offer an alternative food, it should also be savory (so something like hummus and pitta). Refusing a meal and getting treats to fill you up instead is crap.

I also don't think it follows that because the OP doesn't insist on her DS having no sugar or fatty foods ever that she's forfitted the right to limit the amount he has. it's equally a bad message to ban certain foods, much better to limit them.

OP, if you can reduce the chances of you being there around meal times, that would be helpful, or as I said earlier, make a point of getting them to come to you.

the doing it behind your back and the calling you mean/cruel etc is very very wrong IMO. Its an in joke between them where you are the outsider. It is teaching him to be sneaky and dishonest and keep secrets from mummy. I would honestly call them on it every time and cut down your visits to make the point. what you teach him about food now is going to be very important to his future health and habits long after the GPs have gone.

Also just to add I don't take food round to be controlling- I take it round to make gp's life easier as they don't always have stuff in the fridge that I can give DS as a quick meal). I timed the visit with his lunch (12h) too and his nap on this occasion. He knows he can eat what he likes at their house when I'm not around, wouldn't dream of interfering when they're in charge, but in this case they weren't

Agree that I maybe need to come at different times though, will try to work on that

yes I do think not going around meal times is a better idea and limited the time you are there, I wasn't having a go at you honestly I just think you need to just relax and use a different tact with them they just want him to have nice but it seems the food and treating their grandson has become a power struggle,

On the whole I agree with you OP. The crucial point to me is that you are not dictating what they do with your DS when they have sole care. If you are there and clearly at odds with what they are doing and they still do it...well, they shouldn't!

Althing in general I think the GPs get a pretty raw deal on MN threads, when all they are doing is doting on the grandchildren.

YANBU. Both my DM and DMIL dote on DD but if I expressed a preference for what she should or shouldn't eat or drink and I was there, they wouldn't dream of ignoring what I'd said (neither do I give DNieces or friends' DC food and drink without running it by their parents first). It may only be a few grapes and sweeties but it's going to be a pain later on if they ignore your wishes across the board. Obviously if you are not there, you may as well chill out about it, as you've said.

Am also struggling to see what is wrong with tuna sarnie and soup!

Am also struggling to see what is wrong with tuna sarnie and soup!

and me what is wrong with a tuna sandwich ?

"Or are they so controlling they take along separate food for a two year old?"

It is not precious or controlling to decide what your two year old should and shouldn't eat (be he/she at home or out) - it is very basic good parenting practice.

Mrs Tuna sandwich and tomato soup is a strange combination. In my world anyway.

Tuna sandwich and tomato soup sounds delicious to me!

Could a compromise be that yes they can spoil him but when you are present they cannot undermine you. My DC's had their secrets with my parents when they where alive, it added to their bond, but my parents showed respect when I was present and backed me up, even in hindsight when I was a bit over the top.

How about going round just after lunch and they can give him whatever they like for pudding.

I don't mind GPs giving treats, but not at the expense of eating a meal.

Tomato soup- lovely
Tuna sandwich- lovely
Together - no