To ask my parents to stop giving my son sugary food

[ComplexAndDangerous]

Feel like I'm constantly fighting my family regarding my toddler son's diet- he has just turned 2. They constantly attempt to ply him with sugar. After lots of discussions they are slightly (very slightly) better at not giving him chocolate and sweets, but will still fill him up on petit filous, squash and fruit between meals. They will let him have unlimited grapes as he loves them, and when I protest they tell me I'm being ridiculous as they're 'healthy' (yes but full of sugar, not great for teeth and make him refuse his dinner). Apparently I'm also mean for only putting water in his beaker, as 'children need juice'.

DS is generally an ok eater, but today, while at parents' house, refused his lunch (tomato soup and tuna sandwich) and so I said well that's all that's on offer. My DM said 'don't be cruel, just give him a nice yoghurt or some fruit' and I said no, I would re-offer him the sandwich in half an hour but no alternative. Caught her dishing DS up a strawberry muller yoghurt five minutes later! I normally just tut but today I said 'can you please stop doing this, it's really not helping me encourage him to eat well'.

I really want DS to develop healthy eating habits and not too much of a sweet tooth, but feel like I'm constantly being made to feel like a meanie and I hate that I'm always the one to say no.

It's bizarre as I actually feel I'm very relaxed about food compared to my friends. DS is allowed fruit squash when we eat out, gets a biscuit or some chocolate buttons as a treat after swimming once a week and has fast food (mc d's or takeaway) once a month or so, but I try and create some decent boundaries. I'd also never ever tell my family how to feed him when babysitting, as that's down to them, but expect my rules to be upheld when I'm actually there!

My parents are now in a huff with me as I told them I wasn't happy with what they were doing. They are amazing grandparents and I hate, hate, hate falling out but wish they would just see my POV for once! I'm just so tired, to the point of tears, of fighting them.

I have the same OP and highly sympathise. It has got better over time as my MIL has realised that she can't buy love with sugary food! But it took three years and reiterating the message and I'm not there yet...

Joules we probably disagree here as I don't believe any foods are 'bad' and think it's much more harmful to deem them so. I believe in healthy food with the occasional treat and allowance for busy lifestyles (eg processed food)

His grandparents are constantly feeding him yogurts, squash and fruit!! How terrible. What awful grandparents. The thing to remember is they were parents too and have more experience than you, and probably resent being controlled over a trivial issue. I used to feel a bit like you about my parents. Then I grew up and got over it.

Mmm inspace not sure I can agree with you
Never said they were awful grandparents, indeed they are terrific in most ways but (and not wanting to drip feed) my sister and I had a load of fillings (probably 4-5 each by secondary school) and my sister is very overweight as she is a self-confessed sugar addict. Ok I am sure not entirely my parents' fault, but i would like to have a stab at doing a better job on that front.

My issue here would be that they aren't doing as you asked. I would be mad in your position because you are the parent and as far as I'm concerned you are in charge.

Joules: "Even supermarkets fresh soup contains high sugar and sodium. And bread isn't up much nutritionally either. And tuna has it's own issues. So your offerings weren't without fault there op ( even if provided by your parents)"

Yeah, let's just forget about food as far as kids go, eh, it's far too risky - let them live on fresh air instead.

Sometimes the advice on mumsnet is just NUTS. I think you have the healthier attitude towards nutrition, OP, ignore the "all food is bad" type of extreme comments.

Having said that sweet toothiness does run in the family, so it may he genetic to a point. My granny used to get through several bags of boiled sweets a week!

What is a 'sweet tooth' and a genetic one at that?

asassin not saying all food is bad, just pointing out the op wasn't offering anything much more nutritional than the grape/yogurt combo.....pick your battles and all that

Joules there has been research on a certain gene that makes people, actually women, more inclined to enjoy sweet food. Could be a load of twaddle, of course, I'm just speculating.

I think you should put your foot down and tell them that when you are there they are not to offer him any food at all. End of. Then there is ambiguity. Tell them if they keep doing it, you will have to stop seeing them as often as you will not be undermined by their behaviour.

Or let them feed him what they want.

But there isn't a middle of the road here because they don't 'get it'.

Sorry joules but you're talking out of your behind

Tuna sandwich, tomato soup = healthy slow-release carbs, protein, essential fatty acids, vitamins and minerals

Muller and grapes = sugar and a bit of calcium

Fair enough point OP. But just try not to ruin your or your son's relationship with them over this- in a few years it really won't seem to matter so much. Honest.

Not to mention more calories in the soup meal, keep him going a lot longer

I would value a great relationship with grandparents above some grapes and yogurt a couple of times a week.

It's what grandparents do, spoil their grandkids!

I don't think you're being unreasonable, your child, your rules. Especially so young, at 2 you can't really reason with him that sweets are the odd treat, so I can understand you wanting to promote a healthy, varied diet instead of just grapes/yogurt/fruit. I suppose all you can really do is try and explain to them again, exaggerate and say he's refusing meals at home and you really want to be strict for now to get him in a good routine, but you're sure when he's older he'll be able to understand the difference between treats and healthy food and then it won't be so bad?

Yogurt is pretty nutritious for kids although it does contain too much sugar, and I agree that shop soup is FULL of sugar and salt and is not healthy

Definitely not worth ruining our relationship, agree inspace just worry their constant undermining of me will affect DS's relationship with food. Even aside from the nutritional arguments, hearing them call me 'cruel' and making every mealtime a discussion when there really should be no discussion, I don't want him to see eating as some complicated, debate-worthy thing, is problem enough

Tomato soup and a tuna sandwich also helps to 'open up' the taste buds IYSWIM.

Unfortunately when grandparents think they are right, they do have a point because they can see what you can't- that in the scheme of things it's ok for grandparents to spoil their grandchildren a bit. Forcing them to do everything your way will just cause resentment. Yes he's your child. And he is their grandchild too. In the wise words of whatever saying it is- 'it takes a village to raise a child'. Or something like that.

Maybe inspace maybe they have more perspective than me. But honestly, they are obsessed with treating him! It's lovely to a point and he adores them for it, but it really does border on obsessional. Like I say, they could feed him nothing bit chocolate buttons when I'm not there, as they're in charge, but I don't like being undermined

Guess there's a few separate issues going on here. Thank you anyway for your insights!

I would also argue that them treating me and my sister (food was used as a reward/comfort all the time) was actually slightly harmful to our health. We've both had dental and weigjt problems (although my weight is good these days)

I feel your pain!! I was in my aunties house with my DD recently and was horrified to find my uncle dipping a biscuit into coffee and feeding her it!! They feed her crisps and biscuits between meals despite my constant ask not to! I agree that you are the parent therefore they should be respecting your wishes as far say your child is concerned!! My dad does it too and sometimes dismisses my POV as if I'm some silly young (24) girl who doesn't know what she is talking about!

Sorry they are doing this. It would drive me nuts. I would see them much less. Once every couple of weeks for an hour or two.

And the 'Don't be cruel' comment is pathetic. I hate that kind of shit.