To be hurt and upset by friend's behaviour towards me?

[sugarcoatediceberg]

I have a friend whom I'd consider a good, close friend of mine. We've been friends for over 20 years. I consider myself to be a good friend to her; I'm always there for her, and have helped her out a lot in the past few years.

I've seen on the dreaded Facebook today that she held a NYE party at her house last night, and invited many mutual friends of ours, but didn't invite me. She even did a status about it; 'Fantastic night with all of my best friends' and tagged all the attendees. Several are mutual friends that she frequently bitches about to me.

I could have done with going to that party last night; DH had to go to bed early as he had to work today, my DCs were in bed early, and I spent the majority of the evening by myself.

I don't know what to do from here; if I start commenting on her FB about it I will look silly. If I ask her outright that I wasn't invited I will look needy. But I feel really upset by her behaviour.

I would ask in a jokey way 'oi, where was my invite...could have used a night out'!

is ther an issue such as she doesn't like your dh or your dcs? she maybe assumed you couldn't come because you had babysitters?
sounds a bit shit though

I think asking her in person is probably the way to go. I expect that she thought you'd be spending the evening with DH & kids, that's what I expect my married with children friends to be doing.

It was a 'girls night in'; no partners or children, just women.

Does she generally contact you? If its you doing the running then I'd take this as a clear message that she's cutting you out. I'm sorry but she sounds like a shit friend anyway so im you are probably better off without her

I would call her and say you were hurt to find out there was a party and you hadnt been invited. Dont worry about looking needy- i think you are owed an explanation on this one.

Everyone there, including her, has children (she is a single mum; some of the others are but most have husbands or partners).

Fair enough if she assumed I'd be spending it with DH or assumed I had no babysitter but I just think it was a bit mean not to ask me, especially as I've been a good friend to her.

Think I'll have to re-think how important her friendship is to me

I'd mention that I felt hurt, then I'd distance myself.
I'd be gutted too.

I'd be well miffed.

That's a friend?

If she's such a hypocritical bitch about other people then why are you bothered about her?

I would start distancing myself TBH and tell her to ask X, Y and Z for help next time she needed me.

Also if she dared to bitch about these people again to me, I would remind her of the FB status and ask why you were not invited.

Yeah, she contacts me a lot, Wishful. She's always suggesting meeting up.

Oh yeah.

Don't Facebook anything. Ditch her.

Are the peo

What formerbabe said - but i would be really hurt and upset about this

Posted far too soon!

Are the people she invited childless/single?

Maybe she thought you wouldn't want to leave your husband / Dcs on NYE?

That's really mean I can't see how you'll go back to normal friendship without serious resentment on your behalf so IMO you've got nothing to lose by confronting her & saying how hurt you were at the lack of invite.

That's a pretty hurtful way to find out.

We all know that our friends do things without us but facebook makes it all worse somehow.

I would actually press 'like' so she knows you've seen it, and then give her a wide berth for a while.

If you didn't know about it you wouldn't be hurt, so it's kind of doubly shitty, excluding you AND putting it up on fb if you are genuinely friends.

If she's such a hypocritical bitch about other people then why are you bothered about her?

I must admit I avoid people who slag off other 'friends' because I always wonder what they are saying about me behind my back.

I would just be glad to not be invited.

And be under no illusions. She does probably bitch about you to her other 'friends' too.

I have someone like this in my life. I don't trust and I have to watch my behaviour and things I say whilst with her because I don't want to share too much and give her fuel. The only reason I didn't cut her off completely as yet is because our children are friends and I do work with her H sometimes.

Xposted! No excuses then

I hate things like this. So hurtful. And she must have known you'd see the FB stuff at some point. This kind of thing comes up not infrequently on mn. I just dont understand it. So sorry sugar. I think I have to say something, in a dignified hurt way.

Have you ever turned up to an all girls night out with a man in tow??

(clutching at straws here I know).

Thanks all

I think I'll leave it for now and just distance myself and then if and when the opportunity arises I'll mention how hurt I was.

To be honest she is quite a selfish person, and does look after number one the most. Next time she wants a favour or a shoulder to cry on, I'll be unavailable.

Talking about it honestly f-2-f is the only way to salvage this friendship (if at all there is a reasonable explanation to this hard-to-forgive-behaviour). Either clear the air or walk away, hard to live with a hurting one-sided argument in your mind. ??