To be hurt and upset by friend's behaviour towards me?

[sugarcoatediceberg]

I have a friend whom I'd consider a good, close friend of mine. We've been friends for over 20 years. I consider myself to be a good friend to her; I'm always there for her, and have helped her out a lot in the past few years.

I've seen on the dreaded Facebook today that she held a NYE party at her house last night, and invited many mutual friends of ours, but didn't invite me. She even did a status about it; 'Fantastic night with all of my best friends' and tagged all the attendees. Several are mutual friends that she frequently bitches about to me.

I could have done with going to that party last night; DH had to go to bed early as he had to work today, my DCs were in bed early, and I spent the majority of the evening by myself.

I don't know what to do from here; if I start commenting on her FB about it I will look silly. If I ask her outright that I wasn't invited I will look needy. But I feel really upset by her behaviour.

Thatisall, you have described exactly what happened to me and that is the reason I think my ex friend started to sideline me. As others have said with the 'nice, big charming(fake) smile' that made others believe her story that i was being off with her. Again, the reason , the only reason i could think of was that I had made too many new friends, got a job, lost weight. I was supposed to be her underling ( and had been for many years). Still hurts with the mutual friends a year later but Im getting there.
I agree, ask for no explanation. True friends do not behave like this. if a good friend upset me I would not behave like this. You wont get a proper explanation, as in my case, what could she say, you weren't supposed to get happy or your children weren't meant to be doing better than mine at school. You're not alone in this OP, so try to hold your head up and not
look back x

Laura the only explanation I ever got after months of blatant manipulation of friends ie: inviting all mutual friends to events on or about dates that would obviously be important to me, such as birthdays, was that our friendship had 'run it's course'. This came through mutual friends, not her directly and made no sense as all had been well, we'd spent a love evening together (with her saying how happy she was that I was so happy) and then that was it. No more invited, responses to texts etc.
She then became super duper best friends with our mutual friends one by one leaving me looking unhinged as I hot upset about being left out by what had been my close group of friends.

OP is she a queen bee type?

Oh yes, she's definitely a queen bee type. She likes things to revolve around her and I think a lot of people do find her a bit intimidating so they just go along with whatever she says.

Oh right snowed, sorry

Sorry Thatis all that youve been through this too. Sounds the same. Just before christmas last year, all out mutual friends invited to a christmas thing at hers ( id introduced most of them to her and shes bitched about quite a few of them). I was the only one missing and it was commented on. SInce then quite a few more of these things which shes bragged about, and yes, shes been super nice one by one to all our mutual ( more mine really) friends and I just avoid anywhere now where they are all going to be as I feel so awkward and upset. Its getting better now with time but its funny how many women like those there are!

The underling theory is true too.

I have a 'friend' who thinks that my only purpose in life in being her underling.

It took me a long time to understand why I felt so uneasy on her presence but at the same time valued her friendship dearly.

Her strategy was to make me feel special and privileged for having her as a friend whilst very insidiously bring up all sorts of manners to put me down and criticise myself, my child, my husband, my lifestyle.

It was a very slow process to see what she was doing and although I am giving her a cold shoulder, when I do eventually meet up with her she always find at least 3 ways to bring me down. It is so astonishing that I am always so shocked I have no words to fight back in 99% of the times and always spend a few days seething and recovering.

Unfortunately our Dc are good old friends so I can't cut her off completely, I just need to learn how not to let her get to my feelings.

Actually Sugarcoated, your 'friend' sounds as if she is 5.

As others have said, if someone bitches to you about someone else, you can be damn sure they will bitch about you to others. It's a childish way to make friends as they 'gang' up on the one who isn't there.

All I can say is LTB - (LOSE THE BITCH)

Sorry, I didn't realise this thread was last posted on four days ago. {blush]