To be hurt and upset by friend's behaviour towards me?

[sugarcoatediceberg]

I have a friend whom I'd consider a good, close friend of mine. We've been friends for over 20 years. I consider myself to be a good friend to her; I'm always there for her, and have helped her out a lot in the past few years.

I've seen on the dreaded Facebook today that she held a NYE party at her house last night, and invited many mutual friends of ours, but didn't invite me. She even did a status about it; 'Fantastic night with all of my best friends' and tagged all the attendees. Several are mutual friends that she frequently bitches about to me.

I could have done with going to that party last night; DH had to go to bed early as he had to work today, my DCs were in bed early, and I spent the majority of the evening by myself.

I don't know what to do from here; if I start commenting on her FB about it I will look silly. If I ask her outright that I wasn't invited I will look needy. But I feel really upset by her behaviour.

TheOriginalNutcracker, I have a theory about people like that. For them, you exist to help them when they are suffering and weak. You are good at the parental role, the supportive, non-judgemental role. Once they are strong again, they blank you because they don't want to be reminded of their weakness and they want to be around their "fun" friends. I attracted a lot of people like this in my younger years. I have fewer of them around me now!

halfwilding..Thats EXACTLY right..I had a pal like this and I'm sure this is what she thought about me. When she was in a good place she'd talk about these friends I'm never heard of before being so vibrant and so much fun.
They're a bunch of using arseholes.

The fact is she didn't want you there. If she did, you would have been invited. It's highly unlikely she forgot to invite you, or just assumed you were doing something else.

No amount of confrontation or questioning is going to change the fact she didn't want you there. It's just going to make you look needy and give her fodder to bitch about.

Keep a dignified silence. You don't need her!

Depends how much of a bitch she is but I'd say something. I have twice asked why I wasn't invited to a party/function because both times it was a very insulting omission. I think you can only do it if you aren't wound up when you ask so you can ask straight with no punch. You have nothing to lose. If you know she'll bitch and turn it around, don't bother to confront her, just distance yourself totally. My very simple mantra is that I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me.

I don't think it looks needy to ask why you weren't invited. It's a straight question, perfectly reasonable to ask it.

Yanbu at all, imwould Ge gutted if that was a close friend, especially that status about having all her best friends there, well helloooo how about me! Des she just come when she wants something! I would hpdefinitely have out a joky reply to ths status about were my invite was, it really warranted it in this respect. Next time we contacts you, tell her outright! You deserve that! It's not needy youare supposed to be close. Yes I guess dstance yourself, and make yourself unavailable fr favours or meet ups.

I agree half, totally, your just there to provide a service to them!

Several are mutual friends that she frequently bitches about to me.

OP, this sentence stood out for me in your post. If she bitches about other friends to you, you can be sure that she also bitches about you to those same friends.

I eventually walked away from a long term friendship with someone for this very reason. She would say incredibly nasty things about mutual close friends and I just couldn't cope with how two faced it all was.

Perhaps a bit of distance is now in order.

Exactly fire, what does she say about you behind your back. A blooming ocean is needed!

I wouldn't say anything.

If it was intentional, then she will twist it and repeat it to others 'OMG, sugarcoating asked me about NYE, it was soooo embarrassing'. It also provides her with an opportunity to lie to you - are you going to feel any better if she says - 'oh, I thought you would be busy'?

Dignified silence, and distancing from any emotional investment you had is, IMO, the best approach. If it was a genuine oversight, she will hopefully have the self awareness to realise and do the running to you.

You will lose the moral high ground if you say anything.

TBH if she spends her time bitching about others, I would take a step back anyway.

I would make a lighthearted comment on her Facebook status, than dstance. Leaves her squirming a bit

No do not make a "lighthearted comment" ( ie needy or passive aggressive ). Do not click Like either

Have some pride.

Be friendly, cool and unavailable

Fiscal is right

I agree say nothing and be unavailable! The times I said nothing I felt much better than the times I did. At the end of the day, she will not tell you the truth if it was intentional and if unintentional she will realise herself and approah you if shes worth having as a friend anyway

I agree with what's being said. The last time it happened to me I spoke to her about it and it just caused upset, (mainly for me)as she turned it around on me I felt awful. I also felt needy and pathetic because being left out made me so upset. I'm sure it continued to happen, but the final straw was on Boxing day when her child and the other guests children were messaging my daughter to say how much fun they we're all having! I'm not going to let it upset me this time, but will be unavailable to do favours, while still staying friendly so not to drag it on. I'm hoping it won't take long for the 'friendship' fades out.

What kind of person messages someone to say how much fun they're having when the person they messaged isn't invited? Sick bastards and I can see why some kids are vile little bullies - they get it from their lovely parents.

OP, just ignore. Find some new friends.

Why do some women seem so immature these days. I am sure our older generations weren't like this.

Personally I think that it's a complete overreaction to end a friendship because of this; I never invite some married friends with children anywhere as they look at me as if I've grown two heads when I did.

Oh i must be a very petty, childish person. Because I would comment on the picture "Looks like fun".

And then I would delete her and ignore all contact.

it seems weird she put it on fb where she knew you'd see it. I'd be wary of someone who bitches so much about friends in any case, as others have said. Whether to say something or not - you could say that you saw she had a new year's eve party, no point pretending you didn't. Then see what she says - you don't need to say you're upset about not being invited, she should know you'd be upset if she really is a friend. Then distance yourself.

If something goes on Facebook it is so friends / family can see! She's a complete idiot if she truly believes she can post all those details and not expect someone to ask about it!

Whether you do or not is up to you! I would, personally, ask her only if I was prepared to lose my friendship over it! You never know how these things escalate.

Like the idea of posting a comment like 'looks like everyone there had a lot of fun' and then unfriending her.