To want more sex

[Billiam]

Lately DH and me have not had much sex. His libido is much lower than mine. Last couple of years his interest dropped to nothing. Talked lots and things have got better, but he said he did not want to feel he had to have sex a certain amount. But be said he would like it maybe once a month. Not enough for me, but I don't feel I can say this because it sounds like I am asking for a rota. Don't understand how he can know how often he will want it. I am afraid he just doesn't really want it at all but has decided he has to and has chosen a number he can put up with. Aibu

Whats creepy about wanting to know whether you make a habit of bullying women on here.

Anyhoo its saturday night Why arent you out instead of posting on here being as you are such an Adonis and all that

Got better things to do than argue on here with a mysogynist all night

thank you for being honest badger.

It's difficult to hear but ultimately its better to hear truthful opinions than platitudes.

I would say I'm going out in about 5 mins but not sure I should tell someone like you that. And what's the connection being being an "adonis" and going out on a Saturday? D'oh!!

No problem lemonmuffin. Have a good night :)

YY Coconutty

My theory is that badger couldn't stomach the female solidarity and learning shown on this thread so attempted to derail it. It is, however, up to us whether we let him accomplish his goal.

I hope Butter comes back.

Wombles Nail On Head. Agree.

Actually, badger has a point.
DH can't be bothered with it most of the time whereas I would do it a lot more. I am big and look very different to how I did in my 20s. I'm sure I'm less attractive to him nowadays. Most men I know go for looks above everything else when it comes to sex. They are pretty dim in that respect.

There has been some really good discussion on this thread; please can we keep that going?

Actually badger has reminded me of something. Before i lost the weight and men used to insult me in the street it actually used to make me feel better and make me feel i wasnt so badly off in a sexless marriage after all. Because it could be worse....i could be with an arsehole like one of them.

But when men are nice to me and desire me (including the one i had an affair with) it reminds me what im missing out on which sometimes upsets me more.
THATS how twisted a situation like this can get.

They are pretty dim in that respect.

Badger-type men are dim, perhaps. But I've not actually met any badger-type men IRL. Have you ever known a man with the opinion that women over 30 (or who are mothers) shouldn't expect sex because "women don't age well".

Some of the young men I socialise with fantasize about a cougar experience. I get attention from older men. The ones Ive discussed my problems with say that with age comes experience. Probably men shallow enough to only want young girls are those whose performance is inadequate, but the young girls are too inexperienced.to have a good performance to make a comparison :O
I think there is a vast difference between sex and love making!

Probably men shallow enough to only want young girls are those whose performance is inadequate, but the young girls are too inexperienced.to have a good performance to make a comparison

Nail on head.

Up thread I mentioned my friend who recently split with her husband (she's in her 30s and has 2 kids). She's currently being chased by younger men looking for the cougar experience. They think age = confidence and experience.

I think that was a refreshingly honest response from Badger, and we could do with more men being honest about why their sex drive has dwindled. Badger gave his reasons, and whilst we may not like the sound of it, it is certainly a genuine enough reason. After all, how many women might go off it a bit if their hubby's appearance changed drastically for the worse over the years? It happens. No point pretending it doesn't. But that is just one reason- there are many others not linked to perceived attractiveness, such as depression. Now we need some other men to be honest too

Weirdly though, all the women i know ( 30s) have aged so much better than the men... I went to a high school reunion with a friend in the US, and while the once pretty boys were all fat and bald, the once spotty, frizzy permed girls were smokin hot. It was quite sad really, to see how badly most men age, and how soon. I am sure many men are no longer attracted to their wives, for lots of reasons, and often women are no longer attracted to their husbands, but I really think that age is fairly irrelevant. I stopped wanting sex with my husband because he was an abusive psycho, not because he was a fat bastard. And actually, since i turned 35 i have had lots of opportunity with fit young men. Not because i am a cougar, whatever that is, but because im really quite hot. Sorry,badger , that you have watched too much porn and can't get it up anymore. In my experience, men who watch a lot of porn are rarely good in bed, so my advice is to knock that on the head, so to speak.Hth.

In space a lot of men in these situations have a problem in the honesty department Just look at cherrys posts.

And be careful what you wish for because many of them will use the oppurtunity to blame their lack of sex drive on the woman.
Not many mentions of the Madonna/whore complex yet but i think this plays a part in some cases too.

YY IfNot my high school reunion was 2 and a half years ago and was the same.
I went there worried about my weight and both men and women came up to me and said that i hadnt changed and that i hadnt aged and still looked the same as i did at 16.
But i barely remember to moisturise some days.

I'm male and I only feel like it about once a week or two. My partner and I are both in our mid-late 30s. She told me she'd ideally have it 2 or 3 times a day (not sure how true that is in reality, although she has always wanted more than I can give). I can't speak for anyone else, but I can be honest about my reasons here. Women don't age that well, especially after children, and I feel pretty sure that if I were with a sexy early 20s woman (as if!), my interest would substantially increase. Also, women fail to realise that men peak sexually in their teens and early twenties, while women of that age (most, not all) are busy avoiding sex in the belief that Brad Pitt will come along. By the time they realise they're nothing special and decide to sleep with men on their level (late 20s/early 30s), we're not that interested any more. We've done our porn viewing, our libido has gone down and it just doesn't appeal.

That's just the kind of man you are Badger. A misogynist. Not all men think like that i can assure you.

Are Misogynists allowed on MN?

I have to say I can see what Badger is saying in some instances. Generally speaking would my DH go for me if we met in a club now, no history, just first time meeting. No, I don't believe he would. But then that works both ways - we have both worn over the years. The issue is our problems started in our early/mid twenties - no wear and tear then!!

BUT if he is waiting for me to turn back into the person I was when we got together then that is never going to happen. Surely he knows that? Surely men aren't so stupid that they think we keep fuckin time machines in the garage and will at some point go back in time and become some teeny bopper worthy of their advances!!!

I actually don't think my DH is that superficial. But I don't really trust my judgement anymore so god knows...

Another vote for having sex every week or two!

I find it hurtful that DH is not open to becoming in the mood. I don't walk around in a permanent state of arousal. In fact I try my hardest to squash any feelings like that. So when sex is offered Im not initially in the mood. But I am open to getting in the mood. However DH is not in the mood. Full stop.