Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with DH re NYE or shall I let it go

113 replies

clpsmum · 01/01/2014 09:23

DH went to a house party last night. Agreement was I'd stay in with DC and two new pups and he'd go to party but be back home before 7am (DC wake up time) and in bed so they didn't see him drunk. He's still not home and no word from him. Last I heard was a happy new year text at midnight.

He will come rolling in when he feels like it with no word of apology. I'm so pissed off because it wastes the day for me and DC too. Not sure if I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed or whether I should just let it go as it's new year?

OP posts:
LiberalLibertine · 01/01/2014 09:25

So he gets to go out and stay in bed all day while you pick up the slack?

If the favour is to be reciprocated fine, if not he's taking the piss.

And 7am home time is not unreasonable, but I'm guessing he's crashed out.

HavingAnOffDAy · 01/01/2014 09:29

I'd be pissed off too, especially at today being wasted.

I've been told on this board before though that AIBU! Smile

Happy new year, and good luck with your DH today.

Could you wrap the DC up and take them out for a walk somewhere then at least you've been out and don't feel like you've had to stay in because of him.

pricklyPea · 01/01/2014 09:30

Would the day have been wasted anyway if he was just lying in bed hungover?

As previous poster said, is this reciprocated?

Maybe he was too drunk to make it home, I agree a text would be nice.

Justforlaughs · 01/01/2014 09:33

If it was my DH I would be out of my mind worrying at this point, as it would have been totally out of character. Assuming that this is the "norm" I would go out via the front door, leaving the back door key in the lock making it impossible to open from the outside Wink, and take DCs out for the day.

RandomMess · 01/01/2014 09:36

OMG I'd be fuming. He needs to do a long weekend whilst you swan off for rest and recuperation just to equal what he's done Angry

jumperooo · 01/01/2014 09:51

Bloody hell, I would expect anyone who has kids to be home earlier than bloody 7am!

IsItMeOr · 01/01/2014 09:55

I think all the ones who would think YABU are probably still sleeping off last night Grin.

So, YANBU vote from me.

But is the issue that you're worried about him, and that is preventing you from getting on with whatever you planned to do today? Because if you're just cross, then it sounds like he was going to be sleeping all day today, so you can get on with your plans as planned?

LaurieFairyCake · 01/01/2014 09:58

Get on with what you planned - whether he's in bed or not makes no difference Confused

AntiJamDidi · 01/01/2014 10:02

YANBU - I'd be pissed off too. Luckily dp doesn't go out like that, I wouldn't like not knowing what time he'd roll in.

I'd just be getting on with the day though. Your day doesn't have to be wasted just because he is. Do whatever you had planned on doing anyway, preferably something that means he is "accidentally" locked out because you've gone out with the dcs somewhere lovely.

jumperooo · 01/01/2014 10:04

I would go out as planned. I wouldn't even bother trying to contact him. New years eve or not, if you know from previous experience that he will swan in like nothings happened then tbh that says a lot about his priorities :-(

Fairylea · 01/01/2014 10:04

7am?! Is he 18??

How ridiculous! I'd be livid. Anyone with dc really needs to be home at a reasonable time to be able to sleep off any drinking before the time the dc wake up! That or you go off and leave him for a weekend to make up for it!

fifi669 · 01/01/2014 10:13

My only rule when DP went out last night was he had to make it back here ie when I open my eyes in the morning, some state of him is beside me.

I was also home alone aside from sleeping DS so I don't think it's a big ask.

Moln · 01/01/2014 10:18

I think I'd rather my DP stayed elsewhere if 7am was his planned return home.

The day isn't wasted just because he's not home yet, you'd have hardly been doing anything with him. Unless you'd been planning on drawing on his face while he slept it off

Moln · 01/01/2014 10:21

Oh sorry YANBU.

I'd be royally pissed off, especially if he comes in thinking it's acceptable.

Serenitysutton · 01/01/2014 10:23

Wow, I think it's a bit sad for someone over 15 to be partying all night and morning. Great fun when you're 23 but a married father? I'd be livid. The day wouldn't matter so much ( it's only a day) but the fact that he couldn't pull himself together to find home would. What a tit

Serenitysutton · 01/01/2014 10:24

15?? 25!

StrainingWaistband · 01/01/2014 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeTea103 · 01/01/2014 10:29

Sounds like a total waste of a partner. Why would he even want to spend the nye would other people if his family couldn't be there.

glammanana · 01/01/2014 10:33

Was there no chance of you getting a babysitter and you both going to the houseparty and coming home at a reasonable time or has he always been selfish ? What was stopping him staying home with you if a babysitter was not available and you both enjoying an evening together ? you don't have to get drunk to enjoy yourself for Gods sake !!

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 10:37

Of course he should have let you know but I hope he wasn't planning to drive home for 7am?

Back2Basics · 01/01/2014 10:43

I don't see how your day is wasted? Confused of he was coming in at 7 anyway.

I wouldn't like to be with someone who would fuck off all night on NYE. I would expect to of spent it with my dp.

Original poster
clpsmum · 01/01/2014 10:47

He's very selfish person. As you can probably guess this isn't this first time something like this has happened.

There was no chance of us getting a babysitter so I was trying to be nice telling him to go off and enjoy himself. I explicitly said I wanted him home and in bed before the kids got up and he swore he would be.

I'm not so bothered about the day being wasted tbh I'm more bothered that he has a total disregard for my feelings and any plans we might have had. There's also the niggling doubt in my mind that something awful may have happened.

Obviously drinking and acting like he's single is more important to him than us. I know his argument will be @but I go out once I. A blue moon" and he thinks that excuses it. I actually think 7am was really far too late to be our but would put up with it for one night but he's absolutely taken the piss.

Still no word from him. I'm sitting here wondering why I'm actually with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 01/01/2014 10:48

Day is wasted in the sense I can't relax properly or do anything as there's the doubt in my mind what if something terrible has happened to him.

I'm sure he wouldn't be stupid enough to drive anywhere

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 10:49

So how was he planning to get home if not by car?

Does he have a phone with crap battery life eg iPhone?

pianodoodle · 01/01/2014 10:49

It is taking the piss and very selfish.

YANBU I know others operate differently in their relationships but I wouldn't expect this from a married father it just seems so childish :(

Swipe left for the next trending thread