To be pissed of with DH re NYE or shall I let it go

[clpsmum]

DH went to a house party last night. Agreement was I'd stay in with DC and two new pups and he'd go to party but be back home before 7am (DC wake up time) and in bed so they didn't see him drunk. He's still not home and no word from him. Last I heard was a happy new year text at midnight.

He will come rolling in when he feels like it with no word of apology. I'm so pissed off because it wastes the day for me and DC too. Not sure if I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed or whether I should just let it go as it's new year?

I'd be fuming, totally unfair. Does he usually leave you to do the family work and sod off acting like a teenager with no responsibilities?

He sounds amazing

But Chipping, the OP did do that. She said be back by 7am so the kids would still be in bed and not see him drunk. I reckon that is entirely reasonable. She's not even expecting him to do family stuff, just wants him back so she knows he's home and she can get on with her day.

It is the not knowing that does your head in.

I didn't see the bit where she 'demanded' anything.

If he had no intention of being home at that time he shouldn't have agreed to it. Obviously he only did that to keep the peace at the time.

I'm affraid locks would be changed by now and matching black bin bags with his stuff in on the step.I wonder if he is home and that is why we have not heard from OP or maybe she has taken DC's out for some together time.

Im guessing that the party went on all night and he has fallen into a drunken stupor at about 6-7ish. He will still be asleep for some time and not functioning properly for a while after he wakes.

Save your recriminations until tomorrow .You wont get much out of him apart from an argument today . Tomorrow you need to re-evaluate your lives together and try to sort out just what you both want and expect from this relationship.

what a crappy way to start your new year.
hope you're alright Op?

Poor you OP.

I don't think some kind of dramatic packing bags/ change locked scenario will help anyone, if you want to leave and this is the last straw, then you'd be better planning this to your benefit. If you don't want to leave then screaming arguments over packed bags are hardly likely to end in reconciliation and behaviour change.

Whatever you decide I hope the day doesn't drag too much and that you're ok.

What kind of a life is this for you and your children being married to someone who goes out on all-nighters without letting you know?

I mean, you'd already had to agree to him staying out all night because he's generally such a selfish prick that being home and in bed at a reasonable hour so he can take part in family life is more than you can expect.

But that's not enough, he fucked off out on NYE to see in the new year with other people while you sat at home on your tobler, and then decided to stay there for a good part of New Year's Day for good measure.

Just to make absolutely crystal clear to you and the children how little he values any of you, how small a place you have in his affections that he wouldn't even bother coming home before the afternoon of the following day.

You don't have to live your life playing second fiddle to a "selfish person".

You are worth so much more than this life you are living.

Gosh he sounds selfish, I would not have tat. Why you allowed him to go out and enjoy himself while you stay at home I don't know! You sound like a doormat, you need to be more assertive!

OFGS.

Calm down with the 'this is a terrible life' business, and all the basic LTB shit. The guy went out without his wife. Who gives a shit? Jesus. It's just a night out.

If DH came home hours after he was meant to, I'd be pissed off. Because I'd be worried and no other reason. This has happened a few times to us (both guilty) and okay, the next day the guilty party will spend grovelling but that's it.

OP I really hope your DH is okay, and you probably need to have a stern word as coming home hours and hours late is selfish and thoughtless, but unless you have ongoing issues on your relationship, please ignore all the wildly OTT posts about packing his bags.

More than the excessive night out, I'd be pissed off for him making no effort to contact me, especially given his promises. Phone boxes do still exist.

Anyone who can say of their spouse that they are "a very selfish person" is not living a happy life.

Being married to "a very selfish person" if you have children means you DO EVERYTHING because they don't contribute to anything they don't find amusing.

The OP has already indicated that this latest piece of ridiculous pisstaking is a regular feature of their marriage, so telling her that she doesn't have to put up with a half life of pulling somebody else's weight and being completely taken for granted is entirely reasonable.

I don't know why people who think women are worth so little that they have to put up with crap like this think they are being all wonderful.

It's not about women being worth so little though?

It's about having a life that you are happy with. If the OP isn't happy with her life, she should take steps to rectify that. LTB isn't good advice. He hasn't been abusive, she isn't in any danger - everyone needs to relax a bit. He's fucked up. The advice should be to wait until he's home and make it clear you are pissed off.

Everyone makes mistakes - it's the reaction afterwards that determines the severity. If he doesn't give a shit, you've got a problem. If he's terribly apologetic, fine. I'd expect to be forgiven as a one off, and I'd extend the same courtesy.

If he is genuinely going out for 24 hour benders on a regular basis, then you have bigger issues to worry about. Same goes for his general selfish behaviour - if this is one of a long line of incidents, then he needs a stern word.

OP - have you heard from him yet?

"LTB isn't good advice. He hasn't been abusive, she isn't in any danger"

So a woman is not allowed to leave a man who she describes as "extremely selfish" and who regularly treats her in a way she finds disrespectful and upsetting.

Unless he abuses her and she is in physical danger, the only advice should be to have a little talk to him once he is sober?

How about you read the thread?

She said this isn't a one off. She said he wouldn't apologise. And she said he is extremely selfish.

She DOESN'T have to put up with that.

It's a SHIT way to live and she's a person who is entitled to live her life without someone treating her like crap living in her home taking the piss out of her.

She doesn't need him to hit her to get permission to tell him to fuck off.

She's an ENTIRE PERSON in her own right.

OP did he ever come home?

Is he home?

Um.. Yes, of course she is allowed to leave him, of she so wants. She doesn't have to put up with him being out all night, or behaving selfishly. Of course not. I don't, I wouldn't. Nor should any person.

But seriously, it's not a 'pack his bags' situation. It's just not. If the OP had posted that he's out all night again or she was tired and at the end of her tether with his constant behaviour and they've tried talking but he doesn't care and is so selfish and she was desperately unhappy.. Then yep. I'd be saying it looks like the relationship is over too.

But based on one night out, and a bit of selfish background? Seriously. Calm the fuck down.

I can be a bit selfish sometimes, and I've had nights out where I've come home much later than intended, have made the mistake of not calling etc. DH has done the same. We had the argument, the wrong party admitted their fault and it doesn't happen now. If I did this and he posted on a forum where other people were telling him to leave me?! Well, I hope he'd be intelligent enough to ignore their wildly sensationalist ideals.

I find you quite hilarious.

It's not much of a relationship, is it?

I can't think of any couples we know where one would go out partying on NYE without the other. Sounds rubbish.

Really? I know of quite a few - where there's no family or friends available to babysit, one goes out. It's just a bloody night out!

Maybe I'm not seeing the big problem as I don't think NYE is that big a deal, and I'm not precious about my DH going out without me.

The only person talking about packing bag here is you.

All I said was that based on what she has written about how he treats her, her life sounds miserable and that she doesn't deserve to live a miserable life with a selfish man.

I wouldn't want to be married to a selfish man who liked to behave as though he was single.

If she doesn't want that for herself, then she should think about not living that life. It's not compulsory.

I don't find you hilarious. I find you depressing and tediously familiar.

Yet another woman telling another woman to put up with being treated like shit for her own reasons, in this case because you want to justify your own selfishness to yourself.

"Maybe I'm not seeing the big problem as I don't think NYE is that big a deal, and I'm not precious about my DH going out without me."

No, it's obviously because you're just so AMAZING and COOL.

I'm sorry I've depressed you? That's worrying.

I guess the way I've read it is that her day sounds miserable, not her entire life. I didn't really get enough of a feel for her life to make that assumption.

I'm not 'a woman telling another woman to put up with shit'. I'm just also not in utter shock that one person in a relationship might have a night out, and have behaved wrongly and selfishly, and don't think it warrants leaving. I think that's an OTT reaction, based on one small detail/incident and I was giving my opinion thus.

Like I said, I don't think having a night out is that big a deal. I don't profess to be either amazing or cool, but I shall certainly take the compliment, thanks.

:( what time did he get in?

Oh, and meant to add - no BODY should put up with shit from another person, regardless of gender.