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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed of with DH re NYE or shall I let it go

113 replies

clpsmum · 01/01/2014 09:23

DH went to a house party last night. Agreement was I'd stay in with DC and two new pups and he'd go to party but be back home before 7am (DC wake up time) and in bed so they didn't see him drunk. He's still not home and no word from him. Last I heard was a happy new year text at midnight.

He will come rolling in when he feels like it with no word of apology. I'm so pissed off because it wastes the day for me and DC too. Not sure if I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed or whether I should just let it go as it's new year?

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 10:53

Well if nothing else hopefully it will make you take a long look at your relationship and take it from there.

I'd be fuming too. Four hours late with no word? Fuck that, he'd be coming back to an overnight bag on the drive while I had a think about when I'd be ready to let him back in.

Original poster

clpsmum · 01/01/2014 10:56

He can walk home. It's about twenty minutes away if he is where he said he was anyway. Yes he's got iPhone but tbh even if battery dead (which I very much doubt) he could use landline or borrow a phone to get in touch if he wanted to.

OP posts:

Balistapus · 01/01/2014 10:58

He's very selfish person. he should be a single person for this.

I agree with the others. What is a married father thinking to choose to be out all night on NYE and then miss NY day with his family?

I could never be with someone like that.

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 10:58

You say this isn't the first time. So what's the usual procedure when he eventually rolls in?

Gladvent · 01/01/2014 11:00

I wouldn't class today as wasted. I'd spend it throwing his stuff out and changing the locks. What a selfish dickhead. I'm sure you don't want your DC to grow up thinking his behaviour is ok.

livinginawinterwonderland · 01/01/2014 11:03

His drunken behaviour shouldn't ruin your plans. Take DC out anyway or do whatever it is you want without him, and have stern words when he gets home and has slept of the hangover. No point talking to him before then, he'll just get angry and you won't get anywhere.

ENormaSnob · 01/01/2014 11:03

He is an arse.

ThePinkOcelot · 01/01/2014 11:03

OP, I would be absolutely steaming by now. I think you have been more than fair giving him a 7 am curfew. YANBU. My dh would be coming back to a packed suitcase on the doorstep.

Justforlaughs · 01/01/2014 11:30

Do you know where he was going last night? I would be really concerned by now, is there anyway you can check that he is ok? Assuming that he is, I would be rethinking whether I wanted to be with someone who thought that little about my feelings.

crapholes · 01/01/2014 11:38

I'd call to find out if he is still where he said he'd be, and if he is then I'd pack his bags.

diddl · 01/01/2014 11:52

Well if he was going to go back to bed, I really can't see the problem in that sense as he would more than likely have been neither use nor ornament.

But it's the knowing that you would worry that makes it wrong & the not telling you that the had decided to stay over somewhere.

Madambossyboots · 01/01/2014 13:03

Can you phone the house he was going to?
Thus is utterly selfish. You are a saint to give your blessing for this IMO. I would not, a few hours maybe but not all night on nye.
I imagine he knows you will be angry and is delaying the enivitable.
What a crappy start to the new year for you.

Justforlaughs · 01/01/2014 13:06

Has he shown up, yet, OP?

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 13:06

I'd send his bags round to the party house in a taxi.

LiberalLibertine · 01/01/2014 13:11

Is he back op? I'd be starting to flap by now if not.

edamsavestheday · 01/01/2014 13:14

He's a selfish twist who is not responsible enough to be a decent father but I'm sure you know that, OP.

FamilyIssues234 · 01/01/2014 13:17

The day was wasted anyway, he wasnt getting in until 7am.

But if be pissed off he didnt come in when arranged.

The only good that this could turn into, is that he fell aslep at 1am which is why he hasnt called/come home. So when he does come home he is slept and uselful.

nkf · 01/01/2014 13:19

Does he do this a lot?

YouTheCat · 01/01/2014 13:23

If he wants to act like a single man, make him be one.

monkeymax58 · 01/01/2014 13:26

Dh would never do this as he would want to spend time with me and not go out getting that drunk.

I would be fuming if I was you OP.

LittleBabySqueakSqueak · 01/01/2014 13:33

Whether you're happy for him to be out all night is a matter for you and him. As a very occasional thing, I'd be ok with it. You agreed to it, so that's not the issue. Where I think you're unreasonable is in writing the day off now. You could have predicted well in advance that he'd come home with a stinking hangover. It would have been kinder to all of you to make plans for the day that don't include him.

YouTheCat · 01/01/2014 13:45

How can she make plans when he isn't even home yet? A 7am hometime is more than reasonable and he hasn't even managed that.

It would be kinder to chuck his lazy arse out and not have to deal with this kind of thing from him.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 01/01/2014 13:46

I wouldn't want to be with someone who would rather go out to a party on NYE than spend it with me and I'm not an 'attached at the hip' type of person in general.

However, that aside, I think given that you told him to go to the party I don't get why it matters if he crashed out at the party or in bed at your house, I would have said either come home before 6am (children waking time) or after you have sobered up and showered etc.

I 'get' how you feel your day is 'spoilt' through being annoyed & upset at his behaviour, but you set yourself up for it really by making demands he was never likely to meet.

I would spend the day packing up his stuff and working on how to make this year a good one, if it was me because he sounds like a selfish twat.

tudorqueen · 01/01/2014 13:47

Whilst I would never subscribe to the school of thought where husbands and wives can't do anything without each other, New Year is special and it's not unreasonable to expect a father to spend time with his wife and children. If he had to go to this party, then he should have been home as soon as possible after midnight, not 7am and certainly not wasted the morning away. It is selfish and irresponsible and you would not be unreasonable to be thinking seriously about whether you have a future with this man.

Justforlaughs · 01/01/2014 13:52

Does anyone else want to know whether OPs DH has made it home yet, and whether he is ok?

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