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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with DH re NYE or shall I let it go

113 replies

clpsmum · 01/01/2014 09:23

DH went to a house party last night. Agreement was I'd stay in with DC and two new pups and he'd go to party but be back home before 7am (DC wake up time) and in bed so they didn't see him drunk. He's still not home and no word from him. Last I heard was a happy new year text at midnight.

He will come rolling in when he feels like it with no word of apology. I'm so pissed off because it wastes the day for me and DC too. Not sure if I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed or whether I should just let it go as it's new year?

OP posts:
maddening · 01/01/2014 17:29

But the op doesn't have a problem with dh having a night out - and saying be back for 7am is hardly controlling.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 01/01/2014 17:31

"I don't profess to be either amazing or cool"

Liar

"oooh, I just can't understand what the problem is here. It must be because I am just so chilled out about these things that when I am confronted with an upset and pissed off woman my first response is to tell her she has nothing to complain about."

:o

Juno77 · 01/01/2014 17:32

Maddening - exactly!

So people all saying she is being treated like shit and controlled by a horrid selfish bastard - well, maybe she is but there's far from sufficient evidence on this thread to suggest so.

InTheRedCorner · 01/01/2014 17:32

He must be home by now Shock

XiCi · 01/01/2014 17:35

I agree with Juno. It is just a night out. If one of you wants to go out and the other doesn't what's the problem? NYE isnt some sort of magical occurrence that means you have to be with your partner, it's just one night in a year. Both of us have had nights out like this over the course of a 20 yr relationship where we have stayed out, been enjoying ourselves and forgotten the time, been genuinely apologetic after. I happens. Just because you are married with children doesnt mean you can't have the occasional blow out. If it's happening all the time then it's a big problem but as a one off at newyear its pretty understandable.

Hope he's turned up ok OP and you sort things out

Juno77 · 01/01/2014 17:36

join, um.. That's not a quote from me. You made that up. Odd.

I'm not telling the op she has nothing to complain about. She does. Her DH has some serious grovelling to do, he's behaved badly. My comments were in reference to the posters saying they'd pack his bags. Ridiculously OTT reaction, IMO, because, and you can deduce from this that I am 'cool' all you like, I don't think staying out past an agreed time is divorce worthy behaviour. It's bad, it's selfish and it's not okay, but suggesting she leave him? Dramatic.

StrainingWaistband · 01/01/2014 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
clpsmum · 01/01/2014 20:11

Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you. I turned off my phone and decided to take the DC out for lunch and then we went visiting friends. I decided he could come home to an empty house and be left wandering where we were for a few hours!!!

He got home just before 12 noon to an empty house. We got home at almost 4 by which time he was frantic as couldn't contact us, this seems to have got the message across to him a bit.

We had arranged to have a meal with his parents this afternoon which we did and I'm now upstairs putting DCs to bed. Once they're asleep I'm going for a long bath and then an early night alone! I've told him to sleep downstairs tonight and we will speak about it properly tomorrow.

Thank you all so much for your reassurance, advice and kind words it means a lot to me and is very very greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Juno77 · 01/01/2014 20:19

Glad he got home safe, everything is okay and you've been rational.

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 20:25

That doesn't come under the category 'everything is ok' in my book.

MummyKanny · 01/01/2014 20:28

I think you dealt with this perfectly OP. Hope you manage to get a good night's rest and you get a pass for a night out soon!

It is ridiculous how frequently these kind of threads crop up, what is with these men who just can't communicate?! Would save everyone a whole world of anguish..

Juno77 · 01/01/2014 20:48

Everything is okay as in he isn't hurt, he isn't injured and he is home, safe.

Perspective.

fedup21 · 01/01/2014 20:49

I can't think of anyone that can do an all nighter (that isn't in their teens!) without doing drugs-booze makes you fall asleep long before 7am. I'd this likely, OP?

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 20:51

If you say so Juno.

Noted your use of the word rational too.

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 20:53

OP - how do you know he got home at 12 if you were out and why would he be frantic?

BenNJerry · 01/01/2014 21:01

I kind of agree with Juno as well. I wouldn't care if my DH wanted to go out on NYE, but then again I don't see it as that special either - I never stay awake to see it in anyway! My DH was planning on going out last night, and I would stay in with DS. (He actually decided against it in the end though). I am going out for drinks with a friend next weekend and he will be home with DS. As long as it's fair and you BOTH get time to do your own thing, it doesn't bother me.

I would be annoyed if I was in your situation and he didn't come home when he said he would, and ruined plans for the day though. I would definitely be having words.

Goldmandra · 01/01/2014 21:09

how do you know he got home at 12 if you were out and why would he be frantic?

I would imagine he told the OP he got home at 12 and was frantic when he didn't know where his wife and DCs were and couldn't get in touch with them.

Let's hope he remembers this lesson for a while.

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 21:25

Bollocks.

Most likely explanation she told him she went out at 12 so he said he must have just missed her.

No need for him to be 'frantic' ( whatever that means to a grown man) although I'm sure he said that to turn the questioning away from him.

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 21:26

And even if he did get home at 12, that was 5 hours after what had been agreed...

feelingvunerable · 01/01/2014 22:21

Hope you are ok op.

You dh sounds very selfish and will most likely will do this again and again.

Why on earth would he be frantic with worry that his wife and dcs had gone out for the day?

Please make sure you are happy with this relationship, you do not need to justify leaving and/or telling him to leave to ANYBODY.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 01/01/2014 23:02

Sounds very fishy. Poor you. Glad you got out of the house.

Original poster
clpsmum · 02/01/2014 08:59

He phoned me at twelve from the house phone and then I turned my phone off. He wasn't frantic because I'd gone out he was frantic because he couldn't contact me and didn't know where we'd gone. I'm sure his state was made worse by his hangover.

No he wouldn't have taken drugs. He may well have got stupidly drunk and fallen asleep which he has past form for and the most likely explanation.

I wouldn't have minded him stating out if he'd just text me to let me know. I was more annoyed that he just did his own thing and didn't think twice about me. I'll see what he's got to say for himself later

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 02/01/2014 09:32

So he managed to turn the whole thing to make it about him not knowing where you were...

Still don't get the 'frantic' bit.

Did he apologise?

Original poster
clpsmum · 02/01/2014 11:17

He didn't turn it all around to be about him. I think he was frantic because I suspect he thought I'd taken the kids and left him. He was very apologetic but not sure he would've been so apologetic had I been home when he came home iyswim.

OP posts:
Juno77 · 02/01/2014 11:22

Wow, JeanSeberg is pretty committed to making you have an irrational reaction to your DH.

It's your husband! You know him best. If you are happy with his apology, and you've had a chat about him NOT doing this again, then all is good.

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