to think that travel has to change when DC enters the picture?

[lessonsintightropes]

DH and I are in our mid 30s and currently TTC. We've had a very good run of exciting adventures over the 6 years we've been together and have prioritised it over things other people would spend money on (like an expensive house, any kind of car etc etc) as it's something we both love and up until now haven't had any reason not to do it. We've got a couple of things booked in over the next six months which might raise eyebrows (travelling to India where food hygiene won't be fantastic) and hiking in northern Canada. I mentioned to DH that the latter trip will probably be our last hurrah for the next five years or so should we be lucky enough to get a BFP.

We've been talking for a while about nice places to go as a young family which won't massively impact on other people and will be both fun and doable (such as hiking in Scotland, spending time in Wales and Norfolk etc). I don't expect we'll get much further than visiting best friends in Holland who also have a young family for the next five years or so.

DH is looking a bit mournful and wondering whether things have to change so drastically - mates of ours who live in Vancouver (originally from Wales and NZ) routinely make transatlantic journeys with their DS (now 12 months). I think, because we don't have family overseas, that trying to fly or drive any further than 4 - 5 hours with a small baby is asking for trouble. He thinks I'm over worrying. We agreed to ask AIBU - what do you think? To round it out, most of our family lives in the UK, but most of our friends live overseas in Europe, Canada and the US. Thoughts welcome! Before it's pointed out, yes I do know that we are extremely lucky to be in a position where we can travel a lot. We've worked pretty hard to get here though, and as I said before, we prioritise it over a lot of things other people wouldn't.

I am totally in awe at most of the posters here. We have just booked our first holiday for 10 years, to a Brits abroad place in Spain. Youngest child will be nearly 4. And I'm terrified of all the potential dangers- pools with no lifeguards, different water (will it upset them), the flight (will their ears pop and hurt and they'll scream the plane down). I am losing sleep over it and it's still 7 months away!

All my newborns used to scream most of the evening, 6pm- midnight was a good day. Colicky I guess. How does that fit into being portable? How do you cope with the exhaustion of very disrupted sleep, and not enough of it? Grumpy overtired toddlers, whinging that they're too hot/cold/hungry etc? I am genuinely interested - perhaps you all cope better than me would be stressed out of my head and weeping, counting the days til home

Wow there are some harsh comments here though I suppose it is AIBU.

Something I don't think many people have mentioned is travelling while pregnant. I had a pretty easy pregnancy but only fancied a sedate trip to New England and New York in the second trimester because I was very sick in the first and too big and tired in the third. Even then I wasn't up to much!

In the autumn we went to Japan with our then 8mo and she loved it. The food was her dream as rice and fish are her favourite things. She got lots of attention which she loved. We planned our days to suit her so that there would be time to play and sleep, but she adores being carried on my back and looking around so seeing the sights and a bit of gentle hiking was ideal. She found the hum of the plane soothing - she screams in the car so our trip to France was far worse for her (we live in London).

Personally I would choose somewhere with good healthcare and no vaccinations etc but beyond that I genuinely think it can be fun for everyone.

I also agree with others that it depends on the baby and that some ages are more challenging than others. We're off to a wedding in Tuscany next year so thinking of making that our main holiday with some rail travel either side and a nice villa. But the year after I imagine we'll go long haul again if we fancy it.

Good luck OP!

From 2-4 long haul can be tricky but it's totally fine if you don't let yourself get too stressed. Travelling to Thailand, India and Mexico with my kids has been amazing. Obviously skiing and hiking with very young kids is tricky but really think you're over thinking it.

Some of the issue here is that you're probably more worried about what others will think if your child is a bit noisy.

We live in Northern Canada where everywhere is a long way from everywhere else. Our closest city is a 5 hour drive. Calgary is an 8 hour drive. You just need the right mind set.

I second the suggestion to get as much travelling in as you can whilst they're still under 2.

We flew back to the UK this summer when DS was 20 months. He coped with the 9 hour flights brilliantly. He was awake most of the flight back. We even had other passengers and the cabin crew say how great (and charming) he was.

We're off to Hawaii next week.

We bought a camper van when ds was 4mo. He hadn't left the country yet but we've had lots of trips away in it. It was easier before he could move but now he's getting towards proper playing (19 months) is fabulous.

Also if you have friends with children who invite you to so with them, discuss your worries and go for it. You only get one shot at this and I love showing ds new places.

dp and I used to be big travellers before we had dd.

she is now one year old and has been camping in the UK lots (in summer) and to the canary islands in winter. so far the stress of long haul travel to 'exciting' destinations hasn't seemed worth it, although I expect that will change as she gets older.

because we have travelled so much, we don't really mind having a break while she's tiny. we had also neglected the UK and are now enjoying seeing a bit of our own country for a change.

camping with friends is ideal as you pitch your tent within earshot of the campfire and then you can sit around drinking with everyone else. during the day you can go on walks with the baby in a sling.

also when you have a baby you see everything with fresh eyes, so a country walk where you see some horses feels really exciting.

I also recommend getting some winter sun if you can afford it. it is lovely for babies to crawl around in just a vest after months of being bundled up in umpteen layers, and to paddle in the warm sea.

Jusy

I think long-haul travel with young children is possible but IMO should only be done out of necessity, namely if you have family abroad. I find driving from the Midlands down to the south coast to see DH's family stressful and tiring enough. I have no desire to go on a plane until our youngest is at least four. At least in that sense I feel a bit better about my carbon footprint...

DH and I had a bit of a travel habit before children, but we haven't been abroad since before DS, 3, was born. We are going to Brittany next June and I can't wait!

We also used to do a lot of walking, and when DS was a baby and young toddler we did still manage to do longish walks in Devon and Scotland; however with a child who dislikes the backpack but can't walk that far and a one-year-old who's getting heavy we don't get to walk very much at the moment. Children will be just as happy going to Cornwall as somewhere exotic and even if you do go far away it will be hard to do all the things you could pre-kids.

Eh? Silly phone! I ment to say you will not know what you feel able to do with baby in tow until it is here so just wait and see no need to write travel off completely until you see how you cope with baby

"NOONE can tell you NOW whether you will be able to travel with your kids."

I agree with this wholeheartedly not all babies are as portable as they should be. I have ds2 (3 months old atm) who is a happy chappy in the sling. We have done several whole day trips out in London, on the train, tube and buses etc. He smiles and peers around, he falls asleep, he breastfeeds in it and only comes out for nappy changes or maybe to sit in a highchair if there is one available while I have a coffee.

But he screams blue murder in his car seat, we just switched from an infant carrier to a birth-4 years seat in the hope it would get better but he still hates it. Anything more than doing the school runs in a day gets me stressed.

DD was the same in the car and I hadn't discovered the magic sling so was the woman pushing the empty buggy and carrying the baby everywhere. DS1 was fine in the carseat and we had plenty of family road trips (as by then dd was in a forward facing seat and fine on the car).

Haven't read the whole thread, but my 2p worth is you have to re-assess the pay off. DS is just as happy on a beach here or in Europe than he would be on a beach in Thailand. So what's the point of paying for long haul? He's also incredibly fussy about food - much to our despair, as eating is the main point of a holiday for us - so with the best will in the world, we have to be somewhere with 'normal' options as otherwise the whole holiday becomes incredibly stressful.

Oh yeah. And when he was under 5 we were skint (my work was basically paying for the childcare) and now things are better financially we can't afford to travel in the school holidays.

Babies are super portable though

vivipru whichever bit of Canada you visit there is going to be lots of driving as nowhere is particularly close to anywhere else.

Maybe fly into Vancouver, then drive the Rockies to Kamloops, Jasper, Banff and then Calgary? If you had plenty of time you could take the ferry from Vancouver and visit some of Vancouver Island. If you're going in summertime, the Okanagan valley in BC is where the fruit is grown and where the vineyards are :)

You can travel if you want with young DCs but you may find yourself wondering whether it's worth the bother. My 2 year old has been on long haul flights (visiting family as we live abroad) and it's doable but definitely not something I would choose for a relaxing vacation!

Recently we went on our first proper family holiday since he was born (except for the visit to see family) and it was fine. We did it as a road trip up the West Coast of the USA, where we live, and it was fun. It would have been much harder and no fun if DS had been a baby so I would say from about 2 years old holidays start to get more feasible. Not as free and easy as pre-DC but doable.

We live overseas and dh and my parents live in different continents, so our dcs are very well travelled.

We do tend to stay in one place longer when we travel - now that dd2 is a toddler. With one dd, it was great, and we could go anywhere, but dd2 is very active and a climber. I cannot take my eyes off her, so holidays are not that relaxing right now.

For those of you saying "they won't remember - so why take them long haul?" I don't get it. I love travelling and I don't think I am being selfish to take my dds to places I love.

Fwiw I often have people tell me how well behaved my dcs are when we are flying. They are used to it, so it doesn't really faze them.

My DD now 3 is well travelled and started at 6 months. DH and I love a good holiday and would be utterly depressed if we went 12 months without a trip abroad let alone 5 years. DD now loves holidays too.

Try a test run on a short haul flight to somewhere like Barcelona. You will be able to assess what the baby needs to be entertained, how many spare clothes, nappies etc you'll need for the next trip. The flights short too so in the event the baby cries, it won't cause lengthy disruption to other passengers. In any case babies normally cry on take off/landing when their ears don't pop. Babies are pretty adaptable.

Even going on Eurostar to Paris could be a dry run. Don't stop travelling!

My kids have travelled since they were newborns. Careful planning and adjusting your expectations will be necessary. They're not small anymore but things I can think of are

• get a sling / baby carrier. Worrying about not having the pram ready on arrival at your destination and then juggling a baby and suitcases is a nightmare.
• what you do on holiday, especially at night changes. You may find yourself in the hotel room each night after baby has been put to bed.
• small babies are fine doing site seeing every day, toddlers are not.

The plane journeys never bothered me. First child was 6 weeks old when I did a 9 hour flight alone. At 3 months another 12 hour flight and at 10 months another 18 hours. Thank god my kids were never screamers on the plane and you never know how your baby will be during flights but there are some things you can do make it go more smoothly.

You can travel if you want. We took our 9 month old to Cuba for 2 weeks. Fab holiday, loved having him with us. People are so uptight about this baby thing. If you are chilled out, there is no reason not to do the things you love, the only difference is you will have less hours in the day. Good luck Ttc.

Lots of good advice here, op but you do need to consider how YOU feel after your baby too. Did you have a good pregnancy and birth? And afterwards, sleep deprivation and the possibility of PND are very real things to consider. I changed completely after the birth of my first child. I went through my pregnancy with rose tinted glasses on and the reality was very different. I used to look at my DH and think ' its alright for you, nothing has physically changed for you' . Now I know this paints a bleak picture and pregnancy and birth can also be straightforward and wonderful but I'm trying to paint a bigger picture here for you.

Also you say your holidays have also been a priority over everything else, if you have a baby Then your baby will BE your priority, holidays and travel are a bonus. You will only know how it will all work once baby is here.

OUr DD first flew AUs to UK at 12 weeks and now aged 6 has travelled more than most adults. She is easy going so it makes trips possible.
Our last holiday was to Vietnam...did not like the food but was happy with the rest of the trip.

All in all it depends on your child and how stressy you are as a parent.

I agree that young children seem to be just as happy holidaying in the UK and I found the lovely coastal areas and beaches in Scotland or Devon much more exciting to them than a pristine beach in Thailand with turquoise seas, so we do both. The kids love a caravan holiday in Devon, it was actually really exotic for them after all the far flung places they had been and fancy schmancy hotels. I do love my fancy schmancy hotels though, and guaranteed sun (especially in winter), seas you can swim in and warm evenings just chilling out.

We have a 4 month old and I was planning to go to the Caribbean with her and DH but don't think I can face a long flight so will be somewhere in Europe at a push maybe Dubai. My mother took me when I was 6 months to Hong Kong and she was fine so I think it just depends on you and the little one.

Re: travel to India take lots of the antibacterial handgel and wipes and you should be fine. Also go vegetarian while you are out there (the vegetables are fresh and delicious). Fish is okay to eat but I wouldn't bother eating meat out there. I have been lucky and never had any tummy troubles the last two times I have been there.

Spottydotty your post is spot (sorry) on.
I worry a bit that exotic holidays might get added to the list of things a new mother "must" get back in the swing of quickly after birth! In the first year of my pfb's life I would not have liked to be far away from my GP (practically on speed dial) and also I obsessed about keeping the room at the right temperature for him, that he had the right sleeping surface etc and I don't think any holiday where I couldn't bring all my baby kit (ie in a car) with me would have been relaxing at all. I remember staying in a cottage when he was about 3 months old and the highlight of the holiday for me was an hour spent blissfully alone in the hot tub they had. Rest and comfort where the priorities at that stage!

It's when you have several, all different ages, that travel gets a bit difficult IMO.

Mine are all within 4 years and once the youngest hit about 6 travel got really fun again.