to think that travel has to change when DC enters the picture?

[lessonsintightropes]

DH and I are in our mid 30s and currently TTC. We've had a very good run of exciting adventures over the 6 years we've been together and have prioritised it over things other people would spend money on (like an expensive house, any kind of car etc etc) as it's something we both love and up until now haven't had any reason not to do it. We've got a couple of things booked in over the next six months which might raise eyebrows (travelling to India where food hygiene won't be fantastic) and hiking in northern Canada. I mentioned to DH that the latter trip will probably be our last hurrah for the next five years or so should we be lucky enough to get a BFP.

We've been talking for a while about nice places to go as a young family which won't massively impact on other people and will be both fun and doable (such as hiking in Scotland, spending time in Wales and Norfolk etc). I don't expect we'll get much further than visiting best friends in Holland who also have a young family for the next five years or so.

DH is looking a bit mournful and wondering whether things have to change so drastically - mates of ours who live in Vancouver (originally from Wales and NZ) routinely make transatlantic journeys with their DS (now 12 months). I think, because we don't have family overseas, that trying to fly or drive any further than 4 - 5 hours with a small baby is asking for trouble. He thinks I'm over worrying. We agreed to ask AIBU - what do you think? To round it out, most of our family lives in the UK, but most of our friends live overseas in Europe, Canada and the US. Thoughts welcome! Before it's pointed out, yes I do know that we are extremely lucky to be in a position where we can travel a lot. We've worked pretty hard to get here though, and as I said before, we prioritise it over a lot of things other people wouldn't.

Expat with twins - found it much easier to travel when they were under 1 as they sleep anywhere and are very portable! Flights are less fun now they're older. But, flight length is just a small factor in the holiday. Yes a long flight isn't much fun, but it's only one day out of the whole holiday, so it's not the end of the world if you do have a bad flight. And if you only have one baby, it is probably actually pretty easy with two people to share the load.

You can still travel. You just need a good luggage allowance from your frequent flier programme and it does help if you are breastfeeding and doing baby-led weaning when the time comes.

The only thing is, that holidays aren't relaxing any more. We just got back from the Seychelles and life is still pretty full-on even in paradise!

It depends on the baby/ child a lot. Our last pre-family trip was 3m around Asia including the likes of Tibet and Mongolia. Since then we've been around the UK/ Ireland. DS1 is 3 and has travelled the entire length of Ireland and been to places like Wales, Cornwall and Norfolk. I went on a week's guide camp with both boys when DS2 was 16wks. We've used children as an excuse to explore the corners of the UK more. He likes the car which makes life easier. I prefer self catering for a few reasons- laundry, space to play, separate spaces to sleep and DS1 has allergies so his diet can be more varied than one type of children's meal.

Our hiking has taken a big hit. I get SPD in pregnancy which is crippling at the end (and this time for several months after). There was a nice window when DS1 was under 1 and not wanting to explore himself. Just before he was 2, we had to abort a walk as he screamed and screamed because his hands and face were cold in the wind and he wanted to walk, but was way too slow. I've not been fit enough to consider since DS2 (thanks SPD) as both of us need to be able to carry a DS each. Hiking will resume in the future. The mountains aren't going anywhere fast!

I'd like to head abroad next year as it's been a while now. That's likely to be staying with family in the Mediteranean.

What you want to do changes, but that isn't the same as giving up. You also see the world differently. We recently went on a "big train" on a journey to a city I went to a lot as a child. The last section of the journey through a grotty industrial zone had DS1 in total delight at the sight of scrap yards with broken cars dangling from cranes. He thought it was fantastic, and that kind of enthusiasm is (temporarily) contagious.

Try reading Ben Hatch "Are we nearly there yet" for an idea of what it's like travelling with small kids.

Not as exotic but we go camping around Europe and have done since they were 5months old. We don't book, just drive around and turn up. EBF is definitely a bonus - it took me three weeks of agony and trips to breastfeeding clinic with women watching me waggling my nipple to achieve it the first time. Also when weaning we just went for finger food and jars (complicated by them all being dairy intolerant). They have always been encouraged to be fairly flexible with bedtimes etc - not outrageously but enough not to worry about them falling asleep at the wrong time or being up a bit later.

School and fixed holidays are a pain now as it pushes the cost up. I think a lot of it will be down to how you react to parenthood - if you want strict routines then the child might find it difficult to adapt to different routines. If you find that you want more security in owning a house or renting in a nicer area for schools then your budget might change. If you or your dh become very concerned about your dc's health then you might not want to travel as much (there are of course basic hygiene levels with a child but some parents take this further). Also it depends on the child you get - if they have SN then just taking them to a different town could be impossible.

Good luck ttc, enjoy your holidays and enjoy your dc.

I think the important thing with holidaying with children, whether in a far flung corner of the world or somewhere closer to home, especially once they reach toddler age and older, is to remember the holiday is for them too. Any holiday is great if your child is happy and has something for them to do too. It invariably will turn to hell on earth if you try and impose something on them that just has no interest for them. We have a 3 and 6 year old, and usually alternate interests to keep everyone happy. (ie, walk round something they're not really interested in, followed by the playground.)

We travelled a tremendous amount when our children were little. It was easy and fun, and the children were (and are) extremely happy, friendly, flexible, people. We have three children, and stopped travelling so much during the school year when the oldest was 8 (still do quite a lot in the holidays). I am talking about flying; I agree that long road trips are a pain.

A few things made it easy and fun: breastfeeding, co-sleeping, using carriers (no pushchairs most of the time), having very little equipment, being happy to read aloud A LOT all helped.

NOONE can tell you NOW whether you will be able to travel with your kids.

I sailed through pregnancy one and dd as a baby. she was was
very portable, even with bottle feeding. if you have a portable one you really do not necessarily need to limit yourself

However pregnancy 2 I could barely walk let alone do a fraction of the things you are expecting to do while pregnant.

when ds was born I had such trouble feeding him getting to the toddler group for dd was an adventure. I would have hated to deal with all that puke in a confined space or anywhere without decent sanitary facilities and easy (daily) access to a washing machine.

he turned out to have special needs. travel insurance for him doubles if they ask you any medical questions and access to a medical system that doesn't ask for your credit details first is suddenly more important than massive adventures.

marriage broke down before he was one, ds' special needs mean I can't work. I don't have the money for long haul.

This year I've booked to go back to the same caravan site as last year, less than three hours drive. What I want from a holiday/travel is very different it has evolved naturally.

don't prejudge it now, you may be able to travel, but don't expect you can either else you could end up bitterly disappointed.

in the end it's down to nothing more than luck

An old work colleague of mine took her baby to visit his Palestinian relatives who were/are scattered throughout the middle east.

I think the only bit she regretted / would have done differently was driving out of Baghdad while the tanks were rolling in on the other side of the road.

That child had been to about 20 countries before he was two.

I think the way you travel has to change and will change but exactly how will depend on you and your family.

I think if it is a really big deal to your partner then is it really time to TTC?

Breastfeeding makes it all a lot easier. We took 1.5 yo ds1 to united Arab Emirates (he was not bf'ing at that point, long trip which wasn't a direct flight). We took 6mo twins and 3yo ds to turkey, with parents! We took 1yo twins and 4yo ds to Sri Lanka. Twins were bfing, which was a lifesaver. None of these trips were any more difficult than driving to France. We're not big travelers either! I think you do need to be a hit more committed to breastfeeding. Its often hard but if you ate committed most tunes it can work out and really makes travel a lot easier.

Sorry. If you are committed, most times it can work out. Like most things, if you go in with a negative attitude, it is less likely to work. I could not have done the turkey or s-l trip with bottles sure to the types of places we stayed (definitely not 4 start but perfectly clean and comfortable).

I just can't see the point of long haul and adventurous holidays with young children. We travel a lot, but had a break of a decade when our's were young because, if you're going to have children why can't you do the UK or Europe for a while? They won't remember India or Cambodia, so why go to the expense? Or risk illness.
Children are happier doing less exotic holidays IMO, and some parents should grow up themselves and stop thinking that what they want is all important.
It'll still be there in 10 years time.

We have taken our 3 year old and 15 month old on a hiking holiday in Switzerland, we did drive though, 15 hrs door to door. It was long but doable, flying just was not an option with the kit we needed. You do change from hotels to villas as it is easier. Skiing is the one refusal from me and I love skiing, I don't see the point in a family holiday if you are chucking the younger ones into daycare all day. One last thing our friends camper vaned round New Zealand with us when their baby was 6 months old, was not a problem at all :)

Carla. My then 4yo ds still remembers Sri Lanka and he is 8! I don't think parents should ever put their lives entirely on hold for their kids (I speak as a stay at home mum) as long as it doesn't endanger them. Yes, it will all be there in 10 years but if its a huge part of your life and happiness, and you can afford it, then go for it.

Carla. My then 4yo ds still remembers Sri Lanka and he is 8! I don't think parents should ever put their lives entirely on hold for their kids (I speak as a stay at home mum) as long as it doesn't endanger them. Yes, it will all be there in 10 years but if its a huge part of your life and happiness, and you can afford it, then go for it.

Carla. My then 4yo ds still remembers Sri Lanka and he is 8! I don't think parents should ever put their lives entirely on hold for their kids (I speak as a stay at home mum) as long as it doesn't endanger them. Yes, it will all be there in 10 years but if its a huge part of your life and happiness, and you can afford it, then go for it.

You definitely don't have to give up travelling right across Europe and into North Africa just because you have a baby. Personally, I didn't feel like doing the hike across the Atlantic any more when I had small DC, but there are so many fabulous places to go in Europe that I didn't feel remotely deprived.

IME the British Isles are not fun for small DC - Britain is great for heritage tourism, but DC aren't really up for that when they are little. A Greek beach is a much better bet!

My brother in law had his first transatlantic flight at 6 weeks old, my dh at 4 months, for holidays. (Feel sorry for the other passengers!) they just got on with it. Though it is easier with breast fed babies (my mum went sailing on a boat when I was 3 weeks old - only doable as no need to sterilise bottles and heat milk etc).

Do what makes you happy and you can afford! What about exploring Eastern Europe in A camper van?

Also yy to travel when they are 12 months or under. Maybe a bit of a break from 14-24 months! Toddling = dangers everywhere!

I would not make any firm plans either way until you actually have a child. Babies are very portable, but as they get older they will have their own preferences- my DD is prone to bouts of extreme anxiety, getting on a plane with her is very difficult and she reacts badly to the change of routine of going abroad. She can cope with holidays in the UK (just about) because the surroundings are not so extremely different (same language, TV, shops ) We did not predict this problem before she was born, and like your DH, just assumed she would travel easily. So get to know your baby first- some children like to travel, others really, really don't. On the plus side- we have had some lovely holidays in the UK, exploring parts of it which we as adults had never visited. There are some beautiful places on your doorstep!

I took the dtds on a long jaunt camping around Europe, the summer before they started school. They do remember bits of it, especially when I show them photos, but realistically it was more for me than for them.

As someone said upthread, you have to mix up things you want to do, sightseeing etc, with stuff they want to do - playing on beaches etc.

But i'm not talking about parents 'putting their lives entirely on hold'. We love travel, but we've had lovely, simpler, holidays with our children when they were younger because, even if they remember exotic destinations, I think they are happier doing less.
I caught dysentery in India and, for that reason, never take a young child to a country where there was that risk. It's not just that they might catch it, but you might. Who'd look after your child then?

Britain is great for heritage tourism, but DC aren't really up for that when they are little. A Greek beach is a much better bet!

Again, depends on the child. Ours are Ok with heritage, our anxious DD does not like sand! Lots of heritage sites are very child friendly these days too.

you don't have to justify why you are able to travel! Good for you, and good luck with ttc.
Just after dd was born we booked a month long road trip through the desert states in the US. It was booked for when she was six months. The flights over were a bit painful for us, and our fellow passengers, but that as soon forgotten about once jet lag was out of the way. We had an epic adventure but it was different to the pre baby ones. The baby carrier came in very handy. It took quite a lot of organisation though but would not baulk at any trip across or into Europe now. doddle!
Enjoy whatever lies ahead for you.

Well I think you have to wait and see what kind of baby you get. Some are very portable, esp if you are breastfeeding and travel while they're a baby could be very easy.

Buuuut get one like ds1 and you may not leave the house for a year.... He just cried thru any journey longer than 30mins... Soooo stressful, we didn't leave our county while he was a baby. But then the other 2 have def been more portable.