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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday meaning ds2 misses first 4 days of reception?

134 replies

Mosschops30 · 29/12/2013 20:40

This is a holiday of a lifetime for us so not a regular occurance
Ive got two older children who ive never taken out for holidays and never will again.
However if i go 4 days earlier its approx £800 more expensive which could be our spending money.

Ds2 will have a staggered intake into reception anyway so he may not even start til the thursday or friday.

Would i ruin his life if he didnt start until the following monday? Will everyone have made friends?

OP posts:
PicardyThird · 30/12/2013 10:14

I don't think it's the end of the world and I don't think it will have long-term consequences for your child's education, but I do think it's far from ideal, tbh. It's an important rite of passage and I think should be treated as such in your family, plus it does risk souring your relationship with the school, as others have pointed out.

Where I live, starting school is a big big deal and celebrated properly with a ceremony at the school, then relatives, lunches out, gifts etc. No child would stand for being taken on holiday by his/her parents and missing that. I know UK culture is different but I still think it's an important step in a child's life that should be marked and worked around.

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 30/12/2013 10:18

Not sure I understand 'soured relationship with the school'?? With regards to what? I take my dcs, pick them up, attend parents evenings, that's it and I don't think it will change.

Yes dd goes into year 13 but she's in community college and doesn't start until 8th September and we get back on 5th

OP posts:
ParenthoodJourney · 30/12/2013 10:24

I took my DS out of reception for 2 days last term to go away for a long weekend which was much needed as DP was very stressed with work and we were all in need of some family time. It was worth it, although i was worried about taking him out and felt guilty! But I knew they could not do much as he is only 4 and we did lots of reading and number games whilst away to ease my guilt Grin

However, my DS took a long time to settle in reception and missing the first week I feel would have made it worse as they need time to gradually settle before the long days start. It does depend on the child and how ready they are for school - In our case I wouldn't have lost the first week for £800 because DS really wasn't ready and really needed that time to settle in and it can really help.

You need to check the intake process with the school and think about how ready DC is for school and if it will be worth it if the first week is missed. If it is - go for it.

Have a nice holiday Smile

WeAllHaveWings · 30/12/2013 10:30

I wouldn't have done it with ds, settling in at the same time as his peers would have been more important to me than a holiday (Disneyland is just an expensive choice of holiday, a holiday in Portugal would be a once in a lifetime for me!).

Ds took a bit of settling in the first week or so, which surprised us as he was one of the oldest in his class . starting at different times from everyone else you'd have made it harder for him. Its his first days at school, a huge step for him, I wouldn't risk it.

Why can't you wait another year and save up the extra £800 to do it during the school holidays? (Or go somewhere you can afford this year in the holidays)

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 30/12/2013 10:30

Sounds like you've made up your mind! Personally I'd go somewhere cheaper but less tawdry and not take the children out of school, ticking several boxes all at once!

WooWooOwl · 30/12/2013 10:40

Couldn't you go somewhere cheaper?

Or save Florida until the following year so you have a bit more time to save?

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 30/12/2013 10:59

Of course we could do somewhere cheaper and we do every year

I've been given this money with strict instructions to use it for holiday. We have never done Disney but have always wanted to.

OP posts:
lljkk · 30/12/2013 11:01

Walk away from this thread & decide for yourself what to do.

ParenthoodJourney · 30/12/2013 11:02

It sounds as if you have made up your mind already

WooWooOwl · 30/12/2013 11:05

If you go, have a wonderful time! It will have a negative effect, so you need to be prepared for that, but it could be worth it.

My dc still talk about the Florida holiday they had, and it was 6 years ago now but they have very fond memories.

flatmum · 30/12/2013 11:11

Florida is a great family holiday and is not actually that tawdry IMO so I can see the attraction. Mine missed the last 2 days of a half term to go earlier this year and I did not lose an iota of sleep over this, despite people acting like it is a form of child a use on here. The head was fine with it and they finish at midday and are in primary school, not near the end, no exams or tests etc. They missed one day of winding up, taking picturs of the wall, collating work and half a day o watching a DVD. However, I wouldn't miss the first day of term, just think that's a bit unfair. My parent often ds it and I always felt like the "new girl" even I it was jut a few days.

Can you go 2 days earlier and have 1 day less holiday? Or go at a different time of year?

LeaveTheBastid · 30/12/2013 11:12

We did it in September, DD missed the first week and a half. She settled in perfectly when we got back and hasn't missed a day off since. We weren't fined.

deckofcards · 30/12/2013 11:22

Well I wouldn't - not for Disney at any rate. You need to compromise and have a cheaper holiday in the school holidays of which there are 12 weeks. What will you do if you actually need to take your children out in the future for a legitimate reason such as a cancelled summer holiday because one of them was taken desperately ill and it's needed as family rest/recovery time? What would you do having broken the rules if the school breaks a rule that is important to you and you are on the back foot and unable to complain without having it thrown back at you? What would you do if a teacher takes a week off two weeks before your child's KS2 sats because they have been offered the holiday of a life time or a place on big brother to the detriment of your child's education?

It won't make any different to the education of your child but it sets them the wrong standard about breaking rules and compliance, it dilutes boundaries and discipline and it puts you on the backfoot in relation to the school.

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 30/12/2013 11:33

Dear god some people take life way to seriously
It's an AIBU thread, I'm not posting over a matter of life and death, I'm canvassing opinion, that's what AIBU is for.

Do you all get in a strop when someone on RL doesn't take your exact advice??
And as for breaking rules!! Well I'm not sure anything could be worse than missing 4 days in school!!!

I work with deprived families and most of the time I'm just grateful that my children are not being subjected to physical, emotional, sexual abuse, witnessing DV, drug use or alcohol abuse, they are not caring for an adult with a MH problem, they're not homeless

So I am grateful for all I am blessed with, lighten up guys there are REALLY bad things happening out there

OP posts:
Oblomov · 30/12/2013 11:35

I cancelled our weeks holiday for ds1. But it wasn't lifetime thing.
At same school, with ds2 they do staggering over 2 weeks.
Find our when he's due to start, first.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2013 12:09

OP I have a feeling you're going to do it anyway and that you're looking for agreement rather than advice.

Using language like "Would I ruin his life" and "an unauthorised absence is not going to leave him in therapy", kind of proves that.

Just do it because you're obviously going to anyway.

My only advice to parents in this position is, stop looking at holidays you can't afford...then you won't be in this position in the first place.

TraceyTrickster · 30/12/2013 12:51

We did this with my daughter...she started the first full day in reception. She missed 1 hr, 1 hr, 2hrs, 2 hrs a lunch....and settled in fabulously after that.

As she was only 4.5 we could not be fined anyway. And we had a great holiday.

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo · 30/12/2013 12:57

My gut reaction is 'no' but when I think back DD didn't really start making friends until the second week so maybe it wouldn't make a huge difference.

You know best how your DS deals with change/transition so I would base your decision on that.

justmyview · 30/12/2013 13:02

I think OP has already made her decision and has come here seeking reassurance.

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 30/12/2013 13:07

I think if I'd made my decision I would have booked it which I haven't

OP posts:
LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout · 30/12/2013 13:08

I would do it yes. i wouldn't worry about 4 days off school for any of my kids. Ever.

CaterpillarCara · 30/12/2013 14:14

If they are being staggered in, just ask for him to be in the last "stagger". What will the older children be missing though?

SuburbanRhonda · 30/12/2013 16:14

OP, it's not really that people take life too seriously. It's that people take education seriously. Quite a difference.

I'm surprised that someone gave you this money with "strict instructions" to use it on a holiday. Who on earth does that? If it's a gift, surely it's yours to use as you wish?

And, yes, it was clear from your OP that you hadn't booked the holiday yet. But I think what is clear is that you've made your mind up, so in your position, I would just do it.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/12/2013 16:19

lily, you're right, anyone can request pretty much thing they like, from starting full-time straight away to not wearing school uniform.

But having that request granted, when letters had already been sent out stating the start dates for each child, caused bad feeling amongst other parents, some of whom stated that they would have asked for that for their own child had they thoughts it was an option.

So it was very definitely a special case in the example I described in my post Smile

diddl · 30/12/2013 16:28

Were the instructions also to take the holiday in term time?Grin

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