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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday meaning ds2 misses first 4 days of reception?

134 replies

Mosschops30 · 29/12/2013 20:40

This is a holiday of a lifetime for us so not a regular occurance
Ive got two older children who ive never taken out for holidays and never will again.
However if i go 4 days earlier its approx £800 more expensive which could be our spending money.

Ds2 will have a staggered intake into reception anyway so he may not even start til the thursday or friday.

Would i ruin his life if he didnt start until the following monday? Will everyone have made friends?

OP posts:
ll31 · 30/12/2013 08:23

I wouldn't tbh, his first day of school is an impo

MammaTJ · 30/12/2013 08:25

Unlikely to get fined, as legally he doesn't have to start school until after his 5th birthday, I think the September after, or the term after.

I remember threatening a useless HT who would not deal with my DD being bullied that I would just pull her out of school if he didn't sort it and let County Hall know why!

He sorted it.

diddl · 30/12/2013 08:29

I wouldn't.

I think that school is too important & that that should be conveyed.

Kids don't have to start until 5-but surely if you decide to send them before then, then you send them!

Otherwise wait until they are 5!Hmm

How about that OP-keep him off for another year!

justjodie92 · 30/12/2013 08:34

Hi.

I'm a teacher and our Reception children didn't start their staggered entry until the second week of term. The first week was set aside for Home Visits. Definitely worth checking with the school.

Have a great holiday!!

EasterHoliday · 30/12/2013 08:36

I missed the first week of reception 30-odd years ago. By the time I got there, all the other kids knew each other, where the looks were sand which shoes to change into when, where to go for lunch and when to sit / stand. I didn't and it made me stick out like a sore thumb. The school can't repeat a full induction for one child and won't. The fact I feel so strongly after decades says I'd never inflict that one one of mine in favour of a slightly cheaper holiday. I think it's very selfish.

givemeaclue · 30/12/2013 08:38

Request for your son to be at the end of the staggered intake then he won't miss any. Sure they will accommodate. Write to the head.

givemeaclue · 30/12/2013 08:39

And have a great time, whee are you off to?

Lifeisaboxofchocs · 30/12/2013 08:55

OP, pls read Easter holidays post

Rhubarbgarden · 30/12/2013 09:18

I have to say, in light of Easter's post, if I remember back to my first day of school I became close friends with those I sat next to that day. I can remember another girl starting a short time afterwards and although she joined our friend group she was a bit peripheral throughout Infants School. It was always "my friends and x" rather than just "my friends". I don't know why we made that distinction, we liked her just as much as each other, I can only guess that starting late made her seem separate, somehow.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 30/12/2013 09:21

When I was at school the children who missed a few days at the start had no trouble settling in.
£800 is a lot of money.

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 30/12/2013 09:24

Oh dear such mixed reviews Hmm

Try and answer posts:

  • I absolutely can't afford an extra £800, this is a one off trip to Disneyland Florida and costing a small fortune for me and dcs
  • I'm not worried about ds1 they don't get to choose where they sit anyway and are in different groups for different subjects to mix ability. He's settled in school and has a mixed group of friends
  • school is not going to be totally alien to ds1 he's been there every day since he was born, knows all the boys on ds2 class and friends with a little girl who will be in reception
  • I'm not sure they will have all their routines nailed by the following Monday, some children will have only started on the Thursday or Friday so will have done one or two days. For the routine they have helpers for at least a month at the steps, in the cloakroom etc

Totally confused as to what to do.

OP posts:
EasterHoliday · 30/12/2013 09:28

Florida? In which case factor jet lag into the equation. Disneyland isn't going anywhere. Leave it a short while which gives you time to save the 800 (or stay in a villa instead of the park etc, so many ways to cut your cost on the holiday)

cece · 30/12/2013 09:28

As a teacher, I would say the first day of the year is the worst day to take off for a holiday.

It would be better to tag onto the end of Summer term or a half term.

June2009 · 30/12/2013 09:36

Are they staggering the first days? Can he join a group who will start a bit later? Dd had 5 weeks of 2.5 hours a day settling in, they had 3 groups of 10 staggered in that class.
I changed our plans so that she would not miss her first day but had I talked to the school I would have realised that she could potentially have started a week later and have her first day with other children.

I was a bit worried and changed our plans because she is one of the youngest and whenever she changed rooms at nursery she found it hard to settle. I think it also depends on your child's character.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 30/12/2013 09:37

such mixed reviews

Ah. This is the trouble with considering a term time holiday. Once you've looked at the prices and considered it, it's almost impossible to stop yourself justifying it.

It must be very frustrating. But I think it's useful to just have a personal policy on these matters because otherwise there's always an issue with holidays or spending.

He could miss out on mixing at the start of term. But then, he might be one of only 50% of the class who starts on time. You'll not know until you've done it.
I don't think anyone else can decide this one.
Good luck.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 30/12/2013 09:41

Definitely agree it depends on their individual character.
And whether they've been in the nursery, or know any of the other kids.
It would be annoying to not go, and then to find there's another five kids whose parents kept them off for a holiday.
If some others are starting later he could start with them.
Don't you have to get the older DCs to school at the start?

lottieandmia · 30/12/2013 09:44

I would go for it.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 30/12/2013 09:46

Disneyland is probably more than most would spend very often, so is a 'holiday of a lifetime' in that sense, but in terms of being a valuable experience, not so much, surely? It's just a theme park somewhere warm!

WooWooOwl · 30/12/2013 09:47

I'm really torn for you on this one! I posted earlier saying that I think you should go for it, and Florida makes me think even more that you should in a way, but it is very far from the ideal way to either have the holiday or start/go back to school.

But it is highly likely to take your child longer to settle if they start later than everyone else, there is no point trying to tell you it won't make a difference. It will make a difference, probably even more so on the back of an exciting and tiring holiday, but the question is whether you think it's a price that is worth paying.

I would be just as worried about your older ds, if not more so tbh. By Y4 they are expected to work, and there will be a lot of stuff that he misses in the first four days. You can't expect him to catch up properly without extra help from his teacher, and I don't think it's fair to expect that of teachers.

At my school our head tells parents not to ask for help catching up when they have had absence for holiday.

It will have a negative effect on both of your children, and I generally think that parents should devote their children's first few weeks at school to letting them settle in. It's a lot for them, and they do need a bit of time and space to deal with it if they are going to settle in as well as possible, and be rested before hand.

When you say you can't afford the £800, does that mean you wouldn't go at all if you can't take those four days?

scaevola · 30/12/2013 09:48

If it's staggered start, then it might be OK.

You say the head already knows you - is this a personal connection or some existing link with the school. If the latter, then use that link to find out exactly what the staggered start involves.

You cannot be fined for absence of a child below statutory school place, but if you have chosen to enroll your child then they must attend. You may face other EWO action.

Lulaloo · 30/12/2013 09:51

I would contact the school and if there is a staggered start ask for the latest start date possible there will be lots of people trying to get their child to begin first!!! -at my school final 3rdof reception year enter last week of sept!!
Go on holiday, really will not make a difference in reception.

Chocovore · 30/12/2013 09:52

No I wouldn't. Our HT is very against missing the start of term although she is quite flexible at other times. I think you risk souring the relationship with the school if you choose not to attend on day 1 tbh. Not worth it imo, Disneyland will be there another time.

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 30/12/2013 10:01

No I didn't say the head knows

And it won't become a habit, have never done it before and won't be doing it again
And no we won't go because there is no other suitable time

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 30/12/2013 10:04

Did you say you have an older child in year 12?

paneer · 30/12/2013 10:12

find out if they have a staggered start and if they do request to be the last intake.

a friend did this in September because she had just had another child. her reception starter didn't start school until the end of September.