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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what the fucking fuck I should do?

131 replies

Midori1999 · 28/12/2013 21:34

DS, 17, moved in with his Dad after he left school at 16, so he could take up an apprenticeship at his Uncles' company, where his Dad worked. Since then there have been problems with him getting on with his Dad and a couple of months ago DS was arrested after being found with ecstasy. (Three tablets, he's since been let off with a warning basically, no caution, nothing on his record, he's very lucky!) this came totally out of the blue to me, I was shocked. A few weeks later, DS's paternal Aunt, who lives with them, searched his room and found cannabis. They told their brothers/DS's work and he was suspended from work but told his job was open for the future if he got drugs counselling, lived with me in the meantime etc.

The DS my ex describes is not the young man I know. I know he's not perfect and obviously the drug thing is appalling, no excuses whatsoever for that, but he's lovely when he's here, other than occasional minor sulking and being a bit late home sometimes when he was younger.

DS and his younger brother (DS2) have been at their Dads over Christmas. Their Dad was supposed to bring them both back today. EX rang me this morning to say he'd let DS go to a party last night and he hadnt come home. He knew they were leaving to come back at 12.30 (it's approx 3 hours drive). We both tried to ring DS and text him, ex text him to say leaving at 12.30. No answer to calls or texts. In the end I told my ex to just bring DS2 back and that DS1 would just have to get the train. He's got the train lots before.

When ex got here with DS2 he said DS1 had been back to his house, spoken to his Aunt and was on his way back here. That was at 2.30. The train journey is 1 1/2 to 2 hours. He's still not home and either his mobile is switched off or his battery is dead (DS said it was low in a text to me)

I spoke to my ex an hour ago and it turns out that when DS got to the house, his Aunt was going out and wouldn't let him in. DS had a key, but my ex changed the locks before he left this morning. What the actual fuck?! So DS possibly has a dead phone, no money (he has savings but he wouldn't be able to transfer to his current account without phone/Internet and I have no idea how to get hold of him. My ex has no idea where the party was last night, except 'near his recently ex girlfriends' and he also has 'forgotten' his ex girlfriends address and doesn't know her surname.

I don't know what to do, but I'm thinking I should ring the police. I've no idea what to say though.

OP posts:
HoneyDragon · 28/12/2013 21:37

Any explanation as to why the locks were changed? Ds is still a minor and you were expecting home home. I'd seriously consider calling 101 and explain there may have been an altercation too, and ask for advice.

HoneyDragon · 28/12/2013 21:37

Him home. Sorry.

Original poster
Midori1999 · 28/12/2013 21:42

Thanks. I'm furious about the lock changing. ExH changed them this morning before bringing DS2 back. dS1 had a key to get in last night, so presumably thought he could get in. Ex changed them specifically so DS couldn't get in. I don't know what he was thinking or what sort of person would do that tbh.

OP posts:
MrsKCastle · 28/12/2013 21:45

So your DS spoke to his aunt at 2.30, was supposed to be getting the train home, but no communication since? Did he have money for the train fare?

I would call the police and just give them the facts- he was seen at x location at 2.30, should have been home by now and you're worried.

Also check whether there are any delays on the train route, and maybe try contacting his friends, see if any of them have heard from him?

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 28/12/2013 21:54

This is an awful situation, I would call police for advice at once, if it was me.
Hope you some news soon
Deal with the arsehole (ex partner) later

HoneyDragon · 28/12/2013 21:55

I'd definitely call the police, certainly after the lock changing. At least they can advise you how best to try and find him. You must be distraught Sad, have you got anyone with you in RL, Midori?

Original poster
Midori1999 · 28/12/2013 21:59

Thanks. My DH is here. I've spoken to my sister on the phone, she's obviously worried too.

My ex reckons that DS is probably just at a mates and won't realise that I expected him here, but I'm not so sure tbh. He must have been pretty upset. Of course, he could be at a friends, but he's never had his phone off before, his usual tactic would be to ignore calls/texts.

I only have contact details for a few friends who aren't local to DS. One he speaks to daily and I've spoken to his Mum who is going to get back to me.

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 28/12/2013 22:03

Keep trying the phone. It's possible he could charge it at a friends house.

plecofjustice · 28/12/2013 22:04

Don't forget that, depending on where you are in the country, the trains are awful at the moment between planned works and the weather. It's taken some of my friends 6hrs+ to do 2hr journeys today. Does he change at major terminal stations to do the journey, that would be staffed and they can announce for him when trains from his area come in?

MrsKCastle · 28/12/2013 22:05

Do you know if he had enough money on him to get home? Could you contact the station near his Dad's house and see if they remember seeing him?

Hope you have some news soon.

timidviper · 28/12/2013 22:09

Could your other DS help you find any of his friends on FB or Twitter to see if they know where he is?

Hope you find him soon

bellasuewow · 28/12/2013 22:10

If he has a phone on him then you may be able to connect with it in an emergency by calling the phone provider it may be worth a try. Since his recent brush with the police he may be feeling very low and not wanted by anyone so please try and call his friends who ever you can get hold of and have a look at his fb page etc to post a message to contact him.
You can deal with the arsehole irresponsible cruel twat afterwards. Your ex owes your ds an apology for being a crap father.

revivingsnowshower · 28/12/2013 22:13

I agree to contacting as many of his friends as possible.

stinkysox · 28/12/2013 22:16

Hope he turns up soon op. After party last night maybe he's fallen asleep on the train?

lilacjellybean · 28/12/2013 22:17

Does DS2 have any contact info for friends?
Also agree with PPs about contacting his mates through FB etc.
Hope he gets home soon!

ballstoit · 28/12/2013 22:18

When did you last hear from DS? When he mentioned the low battery?

minouminou · 28/12/2013 22:19

Any news OP?

Whereabouts are you in the UK?

Snowhoho · 28/12/2013 22:22

Hope hes home by now OP.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 28/12/2013 22:23

I'd be hugely worried, have ds1 and 2 18 and 16.
What was your ex thinking ?

Poor lad, hope he's ok.

LynetteScavo · 28/12/2013 22:25

Have you checked which train he should have got, and when it should get in?

I imagine a 17yo would have gone to a friends house for now...and will go back to his Dads house when he thinks he's home (probably tomorrow morning) to ask for money for the train.

youarewinning · 28/12/2013 22:28

Could your ex go to train station and see if he's there or if problems with trains?
It's possible your DS had a problem and due to lock change and refusal of entrance to his dad's house he's felt unable to go back there despite needing support?

Hope he's found soon OP.

Xoticdreamz · 28/12/2013 22:28

I would be getting it on Facebook / twitter and asking the police for advice . What an arse changing the locks...I can't understand that one. Hope he is home soon.

somedizzywhore1804 · 28/12/2013 22:29

Agree with others: phone the police.

somedizzywhore1804 · 28/12/2013 22:29

And of course, hope he's found safe soon.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 28/12/2013 22:32

What the actual fuck are his father and his aunt thinking?

I would be worried until I heard from him, but I wouldn't call the police, he's more than likely at a mates.

I would do what I could to find him via facebook etc