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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed of at getting biscuits as christmas present from SIL

130 replies

auntpetunia · 28/12/2013 10:25

When she knows I am a coealiac! Am seriously annoyed and want to phone and ask her what she's playing at DH (it's his sister ) says it's not worth it. And just to leave it.

OP posts:
TikkaTurkey · 28/12/2013 22:57

I feel your pain OP, my delightful sister decided to give me, my dh and my dcs homemade biscuits for Xmas, I was not pleased at all as we had spent £30 on her.

Lulu, I'm actually sat here with a face that just went Shock at that. So because you spent £30, the recipient has to spend an equal amount or you'll sulk like a child at them?!
Wow, the entitlement of some is astounding.
So, your sister has put time and effort into making things for you, rather than rush round the shops spending £30 on random impersonal stuff.
Sounds nice to me. Money isn't the be all and end all, you know. Hmm

sunbathe · 28/12/2013 22:57

Tikka - on what planet were the biscuits a kind gift?

Ha ha ha.

SaucyJack · 28/12/2013 22:57

Thank them for their kind gift,

For the millionth effing time, there is NOTHING kind about giving somebody something to eat you know (as the OP's SIL does) will make them ill.

It's not even thoughtless- just bloody weird and spiteful.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 23:00

Fucking hel
MN takes gift giving to a whole new level.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 23:00

L

noddingoff · 28/12/2013 23:00

OP, if you get invited round to theirs and given lasagne again on the grounds that, "a little bit won't hurt" I would treat her and all her dinner guests to a nice graphic description of the raging explosive shits, stabbing gut pains and copious vomiting that could ensue. In her loo. (I know nothing about coeliacs - may this doesn't happen - but hey she probably doesn't know either).

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 23:01

Has to be perfect.
Has to be expensive
Has to be of equal value to the one you gave

Has to have fucking bells and whistles on.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/12/2013 23:02

For those who are downplaying coeliac disease :
Extract from NHS website

"Coeliac disease isn't an allergy or an intolerance to gluten.

In cases of coeliac disease, the immune system mistakes substances found inside gluten as a threat to the body and attacks them.

This damages the surface of the small bowel (intestines), disrupting the body’s ability to absorb nutrients from food."

Biscuits wouldn't just make a sufferer vomit/have diarrhoea - it causes permanent damage to the gut, so the effects can be lasting.

TikkaTurkey · 28/12/2013 23:02

For the millionth effing time, there is NOTHING kind about giving somebody something to eat you know (as the OP's SIL does) will make them ill.

It's not even thoughtless- just bloody weird and spiteful.

Maybe she didn't realise there was gluten in biscuits? Not everyone's clued up on allergies. (Being someone with multiple allergies and intolerances of my own, I know this to be true - not everyone thinks when it comes to food!)
I've lost count of the time I've been told "oh, surely a little bit of chocolate cake won't hurt you?" Um, yes it will it's got eggs AND it's covered in milk, you muppet. Hmm
They just don't THINK. Nothing to do with so called being 'spiteful.'
Some people are just clueless when it comes to allergies.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 23:06

My best mate got me some make up I can't wear.
I have dodgy allergic eyes.

Did I start a thread calling her a spiteful insensitive bitch,did I fuck, because it doesn't matter.

MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 28/12/2013 23:06

But the biscuits are no problem if she doesn't eat them.
Anybody with the disease would hopefully know this and not eat them either.
The sil might not think biscuits are bad, I'm not sure I would have known, unless my friend a sufferer herself had told me.
I can't see the big deal myself.

SaucyJack · 28/12/2013 23:09

Did your best mate know you have allergies Usual?

TikkaTurkey · 28/12/2013 23:09

Meh. I have a severe nut allergy, have done for many years and still get many unsuitable gifts from people who know better. I have never been offended, it is the thought someone being generous enough to give a gift that counts

I'mAlpharius - a voice of sanity and reason in a sea of grabbiness, very refreshing to read your post!
I'm like you, have allergies and have had them for years, but still get unsuitable gifts. Seriously wouldn't get offended though. What's that old saying? It's the thought that counts.
As in the thought that someone has gone to the trouble of buying and wrapping a present up for you.
Seems to sadly be lost on some, though.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 23:16

Yes she does,Saucy.

But she has a million and one things to do for Xmas. She didn't think I know I'll get usual some mascara that will make her eyes swell up

She just bought me a present.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/12/2013 23:18

" It's the thought that counts. As in the thought that someone has gone to the trouble of buying and wrapping a present up for you."

And if the thought was actually Get-over-yourself-you're just-being-a-fussy-eater-and-attention-seeking-and-I-know-better-than-you-so-suck-it-up-la-la-la-I'm-not-listening-to-you-when-you-say-it's-a-medical-condition?

TikkaTurkey · 28/12/2013 23:25

And if the thought was actually Get-over-yourself-you're just-being-a-fussy-eater-and-attention-seeking-and-I-know-better-than-you-so-suck-it-up-la-la-la-I'm-not-listening-to-you-when-you-say-it's-a-medical-condition?

Who said that's what the OP''s gift giver actually thought?! Confused Did she actually come out and say "You're fussy and attention seeking so I'm getting you a tin of biscuits as I know better?!'
Or is there just a chance that she doesn't KNOW that gluten is in biscuits? Not everyone would automatically know.

TikkaTurkey · 28/12/2013 23:27

But she has a million and one things to do for Xmas. She didn't think I know I'll get usual some mascara that will make her eyes swell up
She just bought me a present.

^^This. It's just present buying. No need to read malicious intent into it.

Lucylouby · 28/12/2013 23:27

This is part of the reason I dislike Christmas gift giving and receiving. Op has been given something that is wholly unsuitable for her. She has no use for it. So it a waste of money and resources and time.
I would love to receive homemade biscuits from my sister. Instead I got smellies that I loathe the smell off so they will become a tombola prize. If sister had thought and looked in my bathroom (she visits often) she could have made a mental note of the smellies I do use. I don't think it's enough to buy a random item and wrap it up. You have to put a bit of thought into it as well.

volvocowgirl · 28/12/2013 23:33

I got a bottle of booze and a box of chocs from my SIL/BIL. I'm 7mths pregnant and have problematic gallstones (been in hospital for weeks before crimbo due to them causing an issue with my liver). They'll both be out of date before I can consume them.
Though other SIL/BIL got us nothing even though we were all together for the usual 'present swap' and they'd bought everyone in else in the room something... strange.
I'm going to suggest children only pressies next year and buy me and my DP and LO something nice with the money we save.

Lulu1083 · 28/12/2013 23:38

tikka and usual did either of you bother to read my full comment, or did you just decide I was money motivated? Once more, for you two who can't seem to grasp this simple fact: the biscuits were stale, and totally plain.

There was a) no time and b) no effort gone in to these; they were the most basic biscuit recipe you can imagine, and take 15 mins tops to bake, and she could have made them when I was seeing her/ kept them in an air tight box at least.

I make biscuits/cakes and give them away free all the bloody time as random gifts, so I know that they only cost her a very small amount. IF she was skint/ wanted to do token gifts only this year maybe SHE shouldn't have asked for expensive stuff, but then again she gave my sister a pretty nice gift so it's not like it was an equal thing! It was a shit gift that went straight in the bin while she got her lovely gift to keep. So very sorry for not patting her on the back for all the non-effort she put in!

usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 00:34

I don't give a fuck what people make or buy me for Christmas.

It's not important.

jellybeans · 29/12/2013 00:45

It is pretty disheartening as a coeliac getting box after box of biscuits though that you cannot eat.

TikkaTurkey · 29/12/2013 01:46

She is not skint, just decided to be 'artsy'. They were disgusting as by the time I got them on Boxing Day they were 3 days old and hadn't been in an airtight box so although I'm not allergic I was still given an inedible present!

How do you know she's not skint?! Confused She may not usually be but might be feeling the pinch this year and decided to do something different.
Does she regularly convey her monetary situation to you and go over her finances? As most people don't.
Maybe the box wasn't as airtight as it should be - maybe an oversight on her part?!
More likely an explanation than "haha, let's piss off lulu by showing I'm a tight cow and not paying out lots of expensive money we just can't afford as she's spent that amount on us!" Hmm
Because most decent people don''t fork out loads on presents then expect the same back. Common decency appreciates presents regardless of monetary worth.

Snowdown · 29/12/2013 08:50

This is why I hate gift giving, tell people what you'd like - why don't you just buy yourself what you'd like.
It's the thought that counts, if I bought for all the siblings and the in laws and kids I'd have to buy for nearly 40 people and that's not including other people who I'd like to give thank you presents, my own dcs and dh. Without any malice, there would be very little thought attached to these gifts, a heap of stress and a lot of that will have to do...and consequently a lot of people get stuff they don't particularly like, want or can use - it's a token gift, of what though - of I was too busy buying lots and I had 5 secs to think of you?

Mass gift buying is expensive and feels like a very empty, pointless experience....just so people can have something to unwrap on the day and feel a little bit slighted by the lack of thought.

Isn't it time we just put a stop to it, feel better, less rushed, buy our own biscuits, I prefer my gluten free biscuits to be homemade though. Wink

Lulu1083 · 29/12/2013 08:51

Actually, no it isn't tikka. I know she's not skint because she has no kids (so baking fresh Boxing Day would be no trouble either, we didn't see her till lunchtime) and she lives with my mother, she is totally bankrolled by her, I've posted bits and pieces about their weird dynamic and my charming mother on here before.

This is exactly the sort of thing she would do to piss me off, give me something totally crappy and smile about it, and quite frankly she'll be getting the same next year, as I have to give her something or my mum will go off on one at me slighting her favourite. No that's really not the spirit of Christmas, but I don't care, it'll make me feel better knowing I've given as good as I've got.

Someone gave me a deliberate, crap present, I'm well aware they did as it's my bloody sister, not yours. Why are you so keen to defend her honour and paint me as grabby?

At no point in my post did I moan it wasn't of equal value to mine, you have inflected a meaning that isn't there. I moaned because I had spent £30 on her, getting her something she asked for, and basically got nothing in return. If she had spent a few quid or some thought on it, that would have been better. As it is she spent no effort, no money.

If the biscuits had been edible (and maybe with a few more ingredients as I still can't get over the fact that they were plain, she's a great cook, plus lives at my mums so she didn't pay for ingredients anyway!) given by a sister who isn't a spiteful cow sometimes,and that's what she's given my other sister too; then I would have loved it. As I said myself previously I often give biscuits/cake away as random gifts, if you can make your own gifts then why not? Good for you.
All these things point to a statement, there really is no excusing it.