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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed of at getting biscuits as christmas present from SIL

130 replies

auntpetunia · 28/12/2013 10:25

When she knows I am a coealiac! Am seriously annoyed and want to phone and ask her what she's playing at DH (it's his sister ) says it's not worth it. And just to leave it.

OP posts:
frogspoon · 28/12/2013 11:51

I would get them out next time you have her over, and make a point of what a kind gift they are, but unfortunately you are unable to enjoy them and you would like them to. Hopefully that might guilt trip her enough into putting a bit more thought into next year's present.

Odd that she gave you lasagne when you came to visit. Did you remind her before coming that you are coeliac and can't eat pasta. I don't eat meat for religious reasons, and whenever I visit friends I remind them in advance and have never had a problem. I think you will just have to keep reminding her.

gobbynorthernbird · 28/12/2013 11:52

YANBU. 'Here you go, have a gift that you're medically unable to eat, because you're obviously being silly and on one of those fad diets. I don't take you seriously at all.'

CranberrySaucyJack · 28/12/2013 11:53

Ignore JeanSeberg

I can only assume she doesn't have the intellectual capacity to understand the concept of allergies/food intolerances.

You wouldn't make someone a sandwich with rat poison in, and then expect them to be grateful for it. Giving someone ordinary food you know will make them ill is no different.

RockinAroundTheXmasTreeHippy · 28/12/2013 11:53

Yes thoughtless & from your other comments she obviously doesn't " get" celiac disease at all

So you have 2 choices, ignore it & put it down to experience & her ignorance - or give them back to her, explaining that you are very grateful, but you can't eat them for medial reasons & as she bought them that she maybe would like to eat them herself - then hand over NHS print out explanation of celiac along with the biscuits.

I got a lovely big box of quality chemical laden bubble baths, soaps & creams from my own SIL - I can't tolerate them, the smell makes me nauseous & they make me very sore down below, so like DD who grts urticaria from such stuff, I have to stick to purely natural only - SIL should know this & when asked I always ask for Lush.

She decided Lush was a poor present & wanted to get me something nicer Confused this isn't the first time this has happened & this year I will be offering it back to her - she genuinely isn't meaning to be nasty, she's just not like that, she just doesn't "get it"

frogspoon · 28/12/2013 11:55

Jean, its like giving a nut allergy sufferer a fruit and nut assortment or a person with lactose intolerance chocolate

It usually means you don't care enough to think about buying something suitable. The OP's SIL could have brought e.g. chocolates, it would have cost the same but would have shown a bit more thought.

JeanSeberg · 28/12/2013 11:56

Appreciate your concern but my intellectual capacity is fine thanks. Just think there's more important things to feel pissed off about. Slightly irritated, yes, pissed off no.

eatyouwithaspoon · 28/12/2013 11:57

Why dont you all decide not to buy for adults much less stress and hastle for everyone no more thoughtless rushed presents = result

Lulu1083 · 28/12/2013 12:16

I feel your pain OP, my delightful sister decided to give me, my dh and my dcs homemade biscuits for Xmas, I was not pleased at all as we had spent £30 on her.

She is not skint, just decided to be 'artsy'. They were disgusting as by the time I got them on Boxing Day they were 3 days old and hadn't been in an airtight box so although I'm not allergic I was still given an inedible present!

We've had great fun deciding what to give her next year, I'm thinking some value strawberry jam, which I shall personally and lovingly decant into a naice jar, at least she'll be able to eat it!

Caitlin17 · 28/12/2013 12:17

You can make use of it unless every single person who ever ccomes into your house is allergic to biscuits. On the usability of presents it scores pretty high. You can even say have some of the lovely biscuits my sil gave me, she must have forgotten I can't eat them.

And of course your gift to her was carefully chosen with effort. Every donor thinks that.

As you post on here have you considered she might too? Would you be happy for a 25 year friendship to end in tears as you're bitching about her to strangers?

NadiaWadia · 28/12/2013 12:25

BigWelly what on earth is wrong with Thorntons?

BackforGood · 28/12/2013 12:26

I'm going to tell MiL

How old are you - 6 ? Hmm

It was a thoughtless gift, but hardly worth dwelling over - you can pass it on to all sorts of places, from your work staff room, to your local Children's Hospice or old peoples home, or a prize for a raffle or tombola or something. It's not worth stressing over, surely?

sunbathe · 28/12/2013 12:30

Ha ha, it makes me laugh when people say 'it's the thought that counts', when it's so obvious that no thought has gone into a present.

Caitlin17 · 28/12/2013 12:38

So far as "thoughtless" this present was from sil, not husband or own children. Frankly even thinking of getting sil a present is enough thought.

The present is not terrible, OP can make use of it. She is sounding petulant and unreasonable.

kelda · 28/12/2013 12:38

YANBU. Despite the fact that google is so easy to use, many people don't understand that coeliac's is a disease and can lead to permanant damage to the gut.

A coeliac diet isn't fussy eating.

Do all the people saying you are making a fuss about nothing, would they think it acceptable to give a diabetic a box of chocolates?

Caitlin17 · 28/12/2013 12:40

Ffs sil forgot. What is the big deal?

Thiscoukdbeme · 28/12/2013 12:42

We were given several boxes of chocolates containing nuts, DS is severely allergic and we can't evenopen them in the house. The people they were from knew the situation from very well.
YANBU - it's so frustrating and a bit like rubbing in in your face in it eg 'here are these delicious things you can't eat'
Beyond thoughtless.

kelda · 28/12/2013 12:43

Thiscoukdbeme - that was the other analogy that sprang to mind.

sunbathe · 28/12/2013 12:44

Are you the sil, Caitlin? Xmas Smile

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 28/12/2013 12:46

She's a coeliac- it's like giving kryptonite to superman

She's pissed off, irritated, mildly bemused, whatever. I'm sure she'll get over it.

Yanbu op.

Thiscoukdbeme · 28/12/2013 12:49

Those that don't think it's a problem, just imagine you were told that you could never eat a biscuit (or whatever other delicious thing everyone eats) again.
Then imagine that people kept giving them to you as presents.
I would be more than pissed off.

AmberLeaf · 28/12/2013 12:50

YANBU.

If she has known you 25 yrs and knows that you are coeliac, has served you food you can't eat in the past, then she is being very thoughtless.

A relative is coeliac and has also had the totally unsuitable food served at dinner despite telling the host [an in law too!] prior what she could/couldn't eat and why.

The odd mistake out of ignorance would be forgivable. But to do it repeatedly, is an indication of just not giving a fuck.

Those saying 'its only biscuits' etc, it really isn't, its the demonstration of thoughtlessness to the OPs health.

AmberLeaf · 28/12/2013 12:52

Keep the biscuits, rewrap them next christmas and give to SIL Smile

Caitlin17 · 28/12/2013 12:54

No I am not the sil. I think the levels of petulance expressed by grown ups on this forum in relation to presents is beyond ridiculous

Misspixietrix · 28/12/2013 12:54

Its not a case of OP being fussy though is it? She has anmedical condition. We discovered in the new year that half of 4yo Ds's problems re toileting was due to being lacto. As a result none of the family got him a selection box as per tradition this year but did get him an array of cars pyjamas and toys that aren't going to give him crippling stomachache and the explosive shots for the entire boxing day. Its a matter of being courteous to the OP not to leave her in much worse pain or with a gift she can not use. OP have you recently been diagnosed or has SIL known for years? Sorry if I missed it.

Misspixietrix · 28/12/2013 12:55

*a medical! Bloody phone!