Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed of at getting biscuits as christmas present from SIL

130 replies

auntpetunia · 28/12/2013 10:25

When she knows I am a coealiac! Am seriously annoyed and want to phone and ask her what she's playing at DH (it's his sister ) says it's not worth it. And just to leave it.

OP posts:
jellybeans · 28/12/2013 15:45

'Those that don't think it's a problem, just imagine you were told that you could never eat a biscuit (or whatever other delicious thing everyone eats) again.
Then imagine that people kept giving them to you as presents.
I would be more than pissed off.'

^^ this is brilliant Thiscoukdbeme

Caitlin17 · 28/12/2013 18:27

The level of egotism displayed by the OP and others is breathtaking.

Firstly this is not the same as serving up nits at a meal so please drop the hysterical comparisons. Touching a sealed tin won't bring on a shock.

There is no suggestion sil was being vindictive.

My take on it is.
1.sil presumably was buying for her own husband, parents, children and siblings all of whom are a million miles more important to sil than the OP.

  1. Why a grown up woman should think she is entitled to expect a present from her sil is beyond me.
  2. Why said grown up can't be happy with a token gift is beyond me.
  3. Why said grown up can't, as millions of people, children and grown ups, all over the world, just think "ho hum a bit unfortunate, but never mind I can do x, y and Z with it" is beyond me.
  4. Why instead of adopting suggestion 4 she has to get all huffy and take offence, come on here and start a thread about how badly she's been treated says more about her ego than the thoughtlessness of sil.

For the avoidance of doubt I'm not the sil(mine got an alpaca scarf) but if this is the worst thing that has happened to the OP she should be thankful she is so blessed.

babybelle11 · 28/12/2013 18:33

A token gift is fine. Not one that could make her ill though.

CMOTDibbler · 28/12/2013 18:44

I'd rather someone said 'I can't be doing with finding something you can eat' or 'I bought these for dh' than give me a gift of gluten. Its not even a token gift if that gift is not just something you dislike, but would cause actual harm if consumed by the recipient.

My exsil used to do this, I remember one year DH and I got between us a bottle of dip that clearly stated it contained gluten. Nothing else - and token gifts had not been agreed.

ThePinkOcelot · 28/12/2013 18:59

My MIL is coelic and I bought her biscuits this year. Made sure they were "free from" though. A bit thoughtless of your SIL.

Original poster
auntpetunia · 28/12/2013 19:03

Oh ffs now am egotistical! I was pissed off at the lack of thought a effort, I haven't said anything to her even when she phoned this afternoon. I will regift the biscuits to a care home so its a win win for everyone.

And for your information Caitlin I expect a present because we discussed it years ago when we both had kids were we gonna stop doing adult presents, and it was agreed for the reasons already stated that we would continue doing adult presents!

OP posts:
ImAlpharius · 28/12/2013 19:16

Meh. I have a severe nut allergy, have done for many years and still get many unsuitable gifts from people who know better. I have never been offended, it is the thought someone being generous enough to give a gift that counts (I hope the thought and intention isn't my painful death anyway lol). I always see it as a useful emergency regift!

Caitlin17 · 28/12/2013 19:34

OP you asked;if you were expecting universal sympathy for the horrendous experience why bother asking.

Johnnyrotten123 · 28/12/2013 19:46

*I feel your pain OP, my delightful sister decided to give me, my dh and my dcs homemade biscuits for Xmas, I was not pleased at all as we had spent £30 on her.

She is not skint, just decided to be 'artsy'. They were disgusting as by the time I got them on Boxing Day they were 3 days old and hadn't been in an airtight box so although I'm not allergic I was still given an inedible present!

We've had great fun deciding what to give her next year, I'm thinking some value strawberry jam, which I shall personally and lovingly decant into a naice jar, at least she'll be able to eat it!*

The worst of MN Christmas present threads encapsulated in one post. You sound like a real fucking charmer. Your sister went to the effort of making you something for Christmas and you're mad because it wasn't to your taste and didn't cost enough? Urgh.

Original poster
auntpetunia · 28/12/2013 19:49

I asked was I being unreasonable …I didn't ask for sympathy. It wasn't a horrendous experience -wtf are you talking about. I asked and some agree I was being unreasonable , and some say I wasn't. That's how it goes.

I'm still pissed off I think she's been completely insensitive and not thought about the people she's buying for. But I'm not going to fight with her or even mention it.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 20:03

Do you live alone?

CombineBananaFister · 28/12/2013 20:06

Agree it'snot the end of the world to get the wrong/unsuitable gift but if the SIL bought it because she thought auntpetunia should just get over her faddy diet thing then that's worse than getting no gift at all.

It's like you've told someone you can't have something as it makes you ill and yet they choose to think they know better anyway and not taking it seriously.It's not the gift, it's the lack of thought.

Why don't people take celiacs as seriously as other allergys.

Op I have sympathy, I am allergic to dogs (severely) and yet it takes hospitalisation and asthma attacks to make people understand I cannot go near their dogs, even for a bit or even if a don't stroke it and that I'm not an animal hater or have anything personal against their pet.

Projecting a bit here Grin sorry just got back from bad attack Sad

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 20:07

Why cant your DH or kids eat the biscuits?

Original poster
auntpetunia · 28/12/2013 20:21

Yes they can eat one box …we got two! As I said no problem I'm giving them to my Mum.

OP posts:
Lulu1083 · 28/12/2013 20:57

Get a grip johnny you've slated me on that twice now. No need to quote me, I'm sure everyone can see for themselves!

No, they weren't to my taste, they were bloody stale which is because she couldn't be bothered to make them on the day I always see her. I am a really nice person, which is why my feelings we're hurt when my sister put such little time and effort into a present when I always spend on her, and get her what she asked for. We always send each other lists/ideas before you start on that.

They were plain biscuits, so no expense at all had gone in to the ingredients, just some butter, flour, sugar. I would never dare give that as a gift to someone unless I was trying to say something. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to moan about that at all. I didn't say anything to her, just binned them, and used the hurtful situation as a joke to my dh trying to think of things which would be an equal non display for her next year. She got our other sister a fair bit, and I'm more disappointed for the dcs tbh, who (whatever imagined slight my sister has taken against me) have done nothing wrong.

jellybeans · 28/12/2013 21:32

'Why cant your DH or kids eat the biscuits?'

hmmm why buy someone a present at all if they can't eat it? !!! awful..

Caitlin17 are you coeliac? I'm guessing not.

'Why don't people take celiacs as seriously as other allergys.' very true CombineBananaFister

Why would you buy gluten filled biscuits to someone who will be ill if they eat it?

Caitlin17 · 28/12/2013 21:41

No I'm not allergic to anything. I'm suggesting the sil may simply have forgotten as possibly, just possibly, the OP wasn't actually the single most important person and uppermost in sil's mind when sil was doing the Christmas shopping.

CaptainTripps · 28/12/2013 21:52

Petunia - the biscuits are so bad just from a medical point of view. I have a nephew who has coeliac disease. I wonder if the people who are criticising you have any idea how awful this disease can be.

Secondly, it shows a careless disregard by your SIL towards you.

Caitlin17 · 28/12/2013 21:52

A friend of mine(A) once got from another friend (B)whom she had known for over 20 years the book which accompanied the television series about The Royal Opera House in Covent Garden. This was despite in all the years they had known each other A had never been to any opera or ballet anywhere, far less at Covent Garden, had never expressed the slightest interest in either or the television series. As useless gifts it's well up there with the tin of biscuits. Friend A just thought it was funny.

Original poster
auntpetunia · 28/12/2013 21:53

Oh caitlin just leave it. What a load of rubbish I would hope that when you buy someone a present you actually think about the person you are buying for. Obviously you give no thought to any presents you buy.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 21:54

Well you know ,instead of making a huge deal out of it.

Just stick them in the cupboard for the rest of your family.

Caitlin17 · 28/12/2013 21:59

Aunt petunia, I usually do give thought to what I buy, whether the recipient likes them or not I'll never know as I doubt any of them will be starting threads on here about them. I didn't get any what the hell were they thinking of presents this year although OH did. He will quietly pass them on.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/12/2013 22:42

"I'm not sure she forgot more like she thinks I'm being fussy! She's done similar in the past invited us for a meal and produced lasagne. Then told me a little bit wouldn't matter. It's not like this is new we've been married 23 years."

So it's not thoughtlessness and the SIL has 'form'. In short, she thinks she knows better than the OP what the OP should can eat. It's less a gift of biscuits and more an order to the OP to get over herself and her damn' fussy eating habits.

OP, YANBU to be pissed off at her.

TikkaTurkey · 28/12/2013 22:50

Sorry, not read all the pages (there's 4 of them, and I'm tired!)
Accept the present graciously as all well mannered people would do. Phone and ask her what she's playing at?! Shock how RUDE would that be.
I'm sometimes a lot of the times by well meaning friends given perfumed bath toiletries that I can't use due to skin issues.
I wouldn't DREAM of ringing them to ask what they're playing at, how f grabby!
Be grateful they thought of getting you a present at all.
Thank them for their kind gift, then secretly gift it to the next school tombola/raffle whatever if you're that bothered.
DON'T ring them up and moan it's not what you wanted, because if you do you deserve nothing but a lump of coal if you're lucky next year!
Manners. Whatever happened to them?! -silently despairing of the human race--

jellybeans · 28/12/2013 22:52

Yes I think much of the criticism is cynicism or ignorance over how bad coeliac is. Often they think coeliacs are just a bit fussy. No thought is put into a gift if it will effectively poison the recipient. Buying something not to someone's taste is absolutely not on par with buying them something that will make them ill.