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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be stressed out about having sons due to being the MIL?

104 replies

Milinthemaking · 28/12/2013 10:20

Honestly, it does worry me.

I have no children yet but am in my 30s so should get a move on. But I am worried about potentially having no daughters and ending up always being the MIL!

I can't imagine having babies, raising them, loving them and then being seen as an annoyance at best. I have read stories about presents for children being binned as the mother didn't like it (on another forum) daughters in law refusing to spend Christmas at the in laws and just general MIL hatred!

My own upbringing meant we rarely saw my dads parents but saw loads of my mothers.

Please, are there ANY positive MIL stories there??!

OP posts:
GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 28/12/2013 10:22

Hundreds and hundreds of them.

I have a son. I am also a completely normal person who, more or less, gets along with everyone.

So why shouldn't I get along with a daughter in law?

Stop worrying and just be a normal person.

londonrach · 28/12/2013 10:24

I love my mil. Shes my fav person to go shopping with. Shes always supportive and is the winner of nm best mil 2013 award. Have had post before about mils if you want to search. Loads of positive mil stories on that post.

Mrswellyboot · 28/12/2013 10:25

I love my MIL, don't worry. I actually find my own mother and I aren't as at ease with each other.

I have a baby son, this issue has never crossed my mind, it's surely a lifetime away!!

Original poster
Milinthemaking · 28/12/2013 10:27

It is a lifetime away but my family are important to me. My dad was widowed in his late 40s, and if that happened to me, I can only think how sad and lonely a life with no husband and estranged sons/grandchildren would be!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 28/12/2013 10:28

I had a great MIL, for the all too short time she was with us. I now have a great DIL and hope one day to have more of the same (I have 4 sons). Honestly, if your sons marry sane women from Planet Earth and you treat them as such, there really should be nothing to worry about.

On the other hand, looking how many Mothers From Hell threads there are on here, perhaps you should be more afraid of having daughters!

Anniegetyourgun · 28/12/2013 10:29

looking at *

Valdeeves · 28/12/2013 10:29

I think there's nothing you can do about it so stop worrying!

paulapantsdown · 28/12/2013 10:30

This is why I'm hoping that one of mine is gay, and that the other marries an orphan!

FredFredGeorge · 28/12/2013 10:30

If you have daughters, and they get married, you'll still be the MIL... I think you need to look well beyond mumsnet (where obviously you mostly hear about women having problems with their MIL) and realise that everyone can have horrible MIL's whatever their sex.

More importantly though, just don't be an idiot and remember your adult children are adults, and need to be treated as such.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 28/12/2013 10:31

I mean it, just don't be over bearing or impossible and you'll be fine.

Do you plan on insulting your DIL daily? On telling her she's parenting wrong? Feeding the DGC cake every hour on the hour?

No? Then you'll be fine.

I certainly wouldn't worry about it now. It will make your life miserable for the next decades.

Perhaps you need a better hobby? Xmas Grin

NoelHeadbands · 28/12/2013 10:31

Don't be worried, we always hear the horror stories on here and the nice stuff goes on without comment.

I have two sons. I've also had the privilege of having two of the loveliest MILs you could wish for.

I'm hopeful

Chippednailvarnish · 28/12/2013 10:32

You are sounding like you are already gearing up to be the Mil from hell.

You haven't even got children yet, Milzilla or what?!?!

SilverApples · 28/12/2013 10:33

I think if you have a good relationship with your child and are able to step back and think with your brain instead of other random parts of your anatomy, it isn't a problem being a MIL.
We've always found talking and being honest the most useful approach to potential problems.

harticus · 28/12/2013 10:35

Loved my MiL - absolutely loved her.
Fabulous funny brilliant woman who brought nothing to my life but wit and wisdom.
Her only failing was raising an arsehole of a son (my ex).
My parents adored their respective MiLs too.

Find something else to worry about.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 28/12/2013 10:35

Oh wait, I totally missed that you don't even have any children yet?!?!

Okay, then yes, you are gearing up to be the MIL from hell if you're already fretting about this.

Calm down, dear.

specialsubject · 28/12/2013 10:36

wow, you really don't have enough in your life if you are worrying about this.

BTW if you have daughters, and they marry, you will also be a mother-in-law.

Morgause · 28/12/2013 10:37

Pray your sons don't marry possessive, unreasonable. demanding, selfish women.

Fortunately my DiLs are lovely and we all get on well.

ChatNicknameUnavailable · 28/12/2013 10:37

I'm not worried.

My MIL has been like a 'what's what' guide of what NOT to do as a MIL.

As long as I do the complete opposite of all that she has done in the previous 10 years, I should be just fine.

SilverApples · 28/12/2013 10:38

Just don't read all the whiney anti-MIL threads on MN. Or any other forum.

shelley1977 · 28/12/2013 10:38

I went out my way to make my ds girlfriend feel part of the family, they even lived with us twice. But she turned out to be a twisted spiteful girl who has made my life and my ds life hell. He only stays for baby. I have always been nice and have got on with all my ds girlfriends and are still intouch with some.

meditrina · 28/12/2013 10:39

Whichever sex children you produce, and whatever their orientation, if they go on to couple up, you will be DM to one half and DMiL to the other.

There is no reason to decide now that you expect difficulty with DILs but not SILs.

KatieScarlett2833 · 28/12/2013 10:39

I love my very kind but LOUD MIL. It's not her fault she is LOUD and I am not. It's not her fault that her DS married an introvert only child. She is a wonderful grandma and mother. I am very lucky to have her.
I also have a son in a LTR. His GF is a darling and we adore her, the feeling is mutual. She's having a bit of trouble at home at the moment and chose to come here instead of her Dads so we must be doing something right.
On here you only hear the bad stuff. Not much mileage in "oh my MIL is so great" posts, is there?

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 28/12/2013 10:40

My MIL is amazing. Kind, generous, loving and helpful, she treats me and the her other DIL like she does her own daughter. I love her, she's The Best

wonderstuff · 28/12/2013 10:40

There are lots of people who have a great relationship with mil. There are also women with strained relationships with there own mothers. I have a son, he's only three, but my plan is to try to raise him to be a thoughtful, caring, decent man. I will teach him that men and women are equal and model healthy loving relationships. I also have a daughter and I plan to treat both children as equally as I can. Anything could happen in the next 30 years though, so I'm going to try to take each day as it comes.

Actually children have a way of forcing you to live in the moment. While they are young they demand so much energy they don't leave you much to worry about the future as much.

Original poster
Milinthemaking · 28/12/2013 10:40

No, you're probably right.

I worry about it, though. Not in the sense that it keeps me up at night or that it turns me to drink or that I sit and cry when I'm alone about it Grin

But I suppose I have been reflecting on my own family this Christmas and thinking about my future family and how my life will pan out and I do worry that I will grow old, alone with no husband or children. I worry that if I do have the much coveted husband and children I will lose them anyway. I worry that I want and will want nothing more than to offer people my love and kindness but it will never be good enough.

It crosses my mind, is all.

OP posts: