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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be stressed out about having sons due to being the MIL?

104 replies

Milinthemaking · 28/12/2013 10:20

Honestly, it does worry me.

I have no children yet but am in my 30s so should get a move on. But I am worried about potentially having no daughters and ending up always being the MIL!

I can't imagine having babies, raising them, loving them and then being seen as an annoyance at best. I have read stories about presents for children being binned as the mother didn't like it (on another forum) daughters in law refusing to spend Christmas at the in laws and just general MIL hatred!

My own upbringing meant we rarely saw my dads parents but saw loads of my mothers.

Please, are there ANY positive MIL stories there??!

OP posts:
GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 28/12/2013 10:40

There's actually been more than on thread over the past weeks about nice normal mothers in law.

Search for them.

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 28/12/2013 10:41

In fact, if you've seen that episode of SaTC where carrie is dating the writer but can't dump him because his family is so fab, that's my inlaws. But in Hastings instead of New York Wink

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 28/12/2013 10:42

The fact that you spend any time worrying about this? Is a worry.

No one knows what the future will bring. No one has a crystal ball.

You could wind up alone.

You could wind up with 1,000 grandchildren surrounding you.

First, have a kid. Then start to think about it!

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 10:42

Just hope your sons don't marry a MNetter.

NewtRipley · 28/12/2013 10:42

I've got a son and it worries me too.

But on the plus side, MN has given me lots of ideas about what not to do (to be fair, I'm not a complete idiot/neurotic so I wouldn't do most of them anyway). But still the message seems to be - don't intrude; support. And realise that your son will possibly marry someone very different from you.

Chippednailvarnish · 28/12/2013 10:42

Have you considered therapy?

It's not really normal to think like you do.

NewtRipley · 28/12/2013 10:43

usual

that too Wink

curlew · 28/12/2013 10:43

I have very rarely (please note it said very rarely not "never") read a MIl thread where it was not at least 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.

diddl · 28/12/2013 10:43

We were always closer to my mum's mum.

And the same has happened with us-closer to my parents.

My Dad was never that bothered about seeing his own parents & it's the same with my husband.

I was a SAHM, but ILs would never visit me in the week & have an hour or so with husband when he came in.

They always wanted a Sat/Sun for a longer visit-and of course we didn't want to keep giving up our weekends.

Of course it pissed husband off that me & the kids were effectively being snubbed, as well.

I have teens-one of each & when I recently said that when they moved out I'd like to see them once a week, they both threw their hands up in horror!

As I explained, though-it would depend on circumstances!

Orangeanddemons · 28/12/2013 10:44

I still see my Mil even though I split up with her son 18 years ago. She has never interfered, always been supportive and my current dh is friends with her too. She is also like a grandma to our dd.

Current mil is more...well...difficult. Just moans about being ill all the time, but not evil or interfering. I often read the mil rants on here and wonder....

YouStayClassySanDiego · 28/12/2013 10:45

You are over thinking this.

I have three sons and it's only on forums such as this that I read about mil and dodgy relationships with their son's wife.

Get pregnant, stop worrying if you have a gorgeous baby boy and stop stressing about an event that is at least 16 years away.

edwinbear · 28/12/2013 10:45

My mil is fab. My in laws left yesterday after spending a wonderful Christmas with us. I have always got on well with her, but since I gave birth to her only two dgc she and I have bonded over how utterly perfect we both think they are Grin.

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 28/12/2013 10:45

We've been on several holidays with the ILs, live in each others' pockets and she has free access to DD who utterly adores her. She stayed at ours for christmas (my much loved FIL died from cancer this year) and we go for coffee and lunch trips together.

I can tell her stuff i can't tell my own mum who is quite uptight and old fashioned.

Hope this makes you feel more positive OP !

Original poster
Milinthemaking · 28/12/2013 10:46

Yeah - all right, God, you've made your point, cheers, got it.

I don't need therapy, cripes! It was meant to be somewhere between serious and light hearted. I've certainly seen some threads on here where I think 'oh stop whining!' but I don't think their writer needs any sort of therapy!

I suppose we all wonder about different things, and I am just at a point where I'm wondering about my future, I never really thought that made me abnormal or in need of therapy but apparently it does!

OP posts:
GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 28/12/2013 10:47

I didn't say you needed therapy.

And I am not sure you have gotten my point.

But I'll shut the fuck up now, since you obviously think you'll die alone. Good luck with that.

Original poster
Milinthemaking · 28/12/2013 10:48

Thanks for the positive replies :)

Diddl, my experiences mirror yours to a large extent, I think that my dad was just a bit crap though. That said, I could well have a son who is as well!

'Wait and see' is all you can do really but it does seem that from reading here at times PILs can't do right for doing wrong!

OP posts:
ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 28/12/2013 10:48

Op, don't know why you're getting stick for musing on this topic. People whine on all day on here about the most ridiculous, trivial shite so just ignore the people asking if you've nothing better to think about

Original poster
Milinthemaking · 28/12/2013 10:49

Jesus God, I was responding to a poster below you, hence I started a new paragraph. All I said to you was I'd got the point you were making Confused

I don't think I'll die alone, or if I do it'll be because I've outlived everybody! It's a chance I suppose ...

I don't think I am the one in need of therapy ...

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 28/12/2013 10:49

Don't get the hump because of the replies !

Worrying about being a potential mother in law when you haven't had the baby yet is a little odd.

thornrose · 28/12/2013 10:50

Op I think your wider worries about not having children or getting married are very valid and normal. I'm not sure why people are suggesting its not? Confused

PacificDingbat · 28/12/2013 10:50

Em, you are overthinking this a teeny bit though, aren't you?
You don't have children yet - you could have 6 daughters none of which chose to marry. Then what??

Lead your life. Strive to be nice to others. Don't overthink your every move which often leads to stilted weirdness, then see what life brings.

Fwiw, I have 4 sons, I'll be a MiL in due course hopefully. I hope to be getting on with my potential DiLs/SiLs Wink. Not something I've considered much.

Also, by buying in to the whole 'evil MiL' stereotype you are not doing anybody any favours IMO. There's plenty of threads on here about 'my mother/father/neighbour/best friend is driving me nuts', so it's really just people.

Original poster
Milinthemaking · 28/12/2013 10:53

I haven't got the hump, don't worry! Any annoyed sounding posts aren't, I've been a bit taken aback by some but definitely not ANNOYED!

Thorn rose, that is a relief as yes, that probably worries me more than the MIL thing! Own fault for posting but it was fresh in my mind as there just seem to be loads of them.

Over thinking, right, got its, and yes, people generally are annoying Grin

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 28/12/2013 10:55

Don't worry - if you can't "overthink" on MN, where can you?

Original poster
Milinthemaking · 28/12/2013 10:57

Well yes, as obviously I could never voice these admittedly silly anxieties in RL!

OP posts:
thornrose · 28/12/2013 10:57

Ah, I just realised you posted this in fight club! Grin

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