Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dh not to get pissed when in charge of dcs?

64 replies

Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 20:56

Background-dh not happy because we did'nt spend xmas with his parents. I have spent many xmas with them and we go there every sunday for dinner and have done for 20 years!

Dh wants us all to go down for dinner tomorrow and for us to get a taxi so he can get pissed with his dad-I don't drive.

I am ill-been puking since yesterday,achy,not eating etc. I really don't want to go. However dh is saying he will go with dcs but he will still want a drink with his dad. When I say a drink I am not talking a few beers btw-I am talking a few bottles of wine plus bottle of whisky!

Am I bu to tell dh that no way is this appropriate? and I really don't want dcs to go if he is drinking?

OP posts:
NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 27/12/2013 21:03

I think yes, yabu. You don't sound like you will be drinking so if anything happens, you could grab a cab. No big deal.

Shakey1500 · 27/12/2013 21:07

YANBU.

If you don't feel like going then he should be responsible with his drink whilst with the DC's.

And even if it is near-ish why should you grab a cab if you're ill? Confused

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 21:08

Did you miss the part where I said I have been up all night puking? Forgot to say we went to see inlaws yesterday and mil was in bed also ill and made a very passive aggressive comment about us giving her a bug because dh insisted we go down on sunday even though he and dc2 had been puking all nightHmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 21:11

Dh is now on the phone to mil telling her that it will be either only him coming down tomorrow or all of us and its all dependent on me-he is putting on his feeling sorry for himself voiceHmm

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 27/12/2013 21:14

YANBU. He needs to stay sober enough to look after dc.

3bunnies · 27/12/2013 21:14

I personally wouldn't be happy. How old are the dc? Will MIL help. Will MIL be sober? You sound as if you should stay at home anyway, don't want to reinfect her.

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 21:17

Dcs are 10 and under-no mil is not much help. Dcs end up going a bit feral when they are down there because there is nothing for them to do! Lots of ornaments/breakables about so I am always on tenterhooks when they are playing.

Dh will sit on his arse and be served like a lord while I will be expected to muck in and supervise the dcs. Was supposed to be going to a friends tomorrow but even if I am well then that is obviously not happening.

OP posts:
scaevola · 27/12/2013 21:19

YANBU.but you might want to aim off a bit if there will be a reliable adult there. This might be DH - if he is being responsible (but possible not meeting drink driving limit)l

Do call him out if he badmouths you to his family when you are genuinely ill.

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 21:22

Mil will not supervise dcs though scae-she will be cooking mostly. Plus when I say dh wants a drink I am not being precious or over exaggerating-we usually end up having to stay at inlaws when he starts drinking as he gets absolutely rat arsed.

He does not see a problem with doing this when in sole charge of dcsAngry

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 21:31

Great-messaged my friend to say I might not be able to make it and she is really disappointed. So looks like I am going to have to suck it up and go to inlaws even if I am feeling shit.

OP posts:
AnnaClaudia · 27/12/2013 21:41

yanbu - had the same problem for years with my ex dh and his boozy family. Booze came before everything! Good luck, am so glad to be out of it.

maddy68 · 27/12/2013 21:42

He will not be by himself with the children. It's Christmas yabu but you are ill so probably more sensitive than usual

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 21:45

No he will be with fil who will also be rat arsed and mil who will also have a drink and who will not supervise the dcs but will moan like fuck if they play up!

I don't want to go to inlaws and watch them getting pissed while I have to run after the kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 21:47

anna-I will be accused of drip feeding now but dh does have issues around alcohol. He is a lot better than he used to be but goes through bad periods-the amount of alcohol he has bought for xmas/new year is ridiculous!

I would be happy for him to go to inlaws with dcs,have a few beers and get a taxi but I know from bitter experience that what he is talking about is an all day/night drinking session that will end with him passed out on the sofa at 3am!

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 27/12/2013 21:48

YANBU. He shouldn't be getting off his face with DCs around. That's irresponsible and probably unpleasant for them to see.

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 21:52

Yes thats what I told him Xmas-its ok to have a couple if drinks but I would not dream of getting rat arsed in front of dcs. He really cannot see the problem with it but his solution is they stay home with me even though I am ill! Btw when he was ill on 23/24th he went to bed early both nights and left me to sort out all the cleaning/wrapping/sorting for xmas!

Just as long as he gets to go get pissed with his dad. We had to go down last sunday even though he was ill too because he "could'nt let his mum down"Hmm

OP posts:
MerryChristmasMollyHooper · 27/12/2013 21:53

If you are ill he doesn't really have the option of getting shit faced or not.

The children need to be looked after and you can't do it on your own right now.

He will just have to suck it up and you need to tell him that.

FutTheShuckUp · 27/12/2013 21:54

I dont get the attitude on here sometimes that its fine for kids to tag along and see their parents off their face, its ridiculous and not normal in my world.

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 21:57

I agree merry but when I pointed that out he said well the dcs will just have to stay home with you then! Even though he knew I already had arrangements to go to my friends. Now obviously as am poorly won't be going anyway but that's not the point!

OP posts:
roamer2 · 27/12/2013 22:05

If MIL is ill I think she would be very pleased if you and dcs stayed away (especially if you are ill and might give her more bugs) - can you not put it to PIL and DH like that? Then no need to feel guilty

FishfingersAreOK · 27/12/2013 22:07

Could you not get a babysitter - you go to your friends and come home later - and DH -well you could just tell him to fuck off to his parents and come back when he has grown up?

FishfingersAreOK · 27/12/2013 22:10

Ah - just realised that you are not going as ill - sorry.

OK - I would say yes DH, you can go to your parents as soon as youngest DC are in bed. Then you do not have to look after them IYSWIM and then tell him to fuck off and come back when he has grown up/has a more sane relationship with alcohol.

Flojobunny · 27/12/2013 22:10

YANBU, send DH without the DCs. Let him have a good time with his family and u and the DCs relax at home.

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 27/12/2013 22:13

flojo-I am ill. I cannot relax at home with dcs-the youngest is only a toddler so cannot be left to own devices!

fish-that would be a good compromise but won't wash as mil wants us/dh for dinner which is served about 4pm. I don't understand why mil wants us down when she saw us yesterday and made a point of saying how ill she wasHmm

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 27/12/2013 22:15

If DCs are well, they should go with their father and he needs to not get wasted. You're ill and he has to take responsibility for them. It's really very simple.

Surely he can go and get drunk with his dad some other time? It sounds like they see each other often so it's hardly a massive sacrifice.

Swipe left for the next trending thread