Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dsis charging for Christmas dinner.

362 replies

MercuryRising · 24/12/2013 02:11

Hi.
We are going to my dsis for Christmas dinner this year. This is the first year she has hosted.
In previous years my dmum or I have hosted and on these years have footed the bill except if somebody has offered to bring alcohol or puddings with them. I have just had a text from my dsis telling me that she has worked out the bill and it is £16 per head so I need to pay £64 for me, dp and 2dc (5 and 7). Now I do not consider myself to be tight but feel angered about the way this has been done because it really does feel that she is charging her own dniece and dnephew to eat. Aibu to feel rattled by this?

OP posts:
NoComet · 24/12/2013 09:29

DM pays for meat, we do everything else.

No idea how it pans out, I don't keep accounts and stuff is on far too many supermarket bills to care.

fedup21 · 24/12/2013 09:36

I have only read the initial post and the one where OP says fine, she'll settle on the day do apologies if the thread has moved on since then.

I would imagine that the fact you didn't kick up a fuss shows why she's done this-she knew you wouldn't so knew she'd get away with it.

What I don't understand is why on earth you didn't say anything about all the previous years?! Now she has no idea how cross you are and will do this again!

TikkaTurkey · 24/12/2013 09:39

Wowsers. That's outrageous! I can be a bit of a tightarse myself Blush but even I think that that is BEYOND cheeky!
If you host dinner, you don't charge it, ESPECIALLY if you always usually host for free!
£64 for dinner at her house? She's taking the pish.

FourAndDone · 24/12/2013 09:43

OMGBlush

whattoWHO · 24/12/2013 09:46

At the very least I'd be negotiating a discount because I don't kikey bread sauce and none of us would be eating brussels.

TidyDancer · 24/12/2013 09:46

I'm stunned. And this is coming from the one who has gluezilla and the takeaway bitch of a cousin to deal with.

Do not pay under any circumstances. Trust me on this. If people think they can take advantage of you, they will keep doing it.

passedgo · 24/12/2013 09:53

OP don't wait til the new year to toughen up, toughen up now!

passedgo · 24/12/2013 09:54

OP don't wait til the new year to toughen up, toughen up now!

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2013 09:56

There's another thread where people are having guests drop out of their Christmas get-together at the last minute.

Maybe you should be one of them? At least you've got good reason rather than just a better offer!

soverylucky · 24/12/2013 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PTFO · 24/12/2013 10:00

YADNBU. But then you knew that!! Don't go. Go to the supermarket NOW. Ring your sis and ask what she was thinking, ask if you should have charged last year and are you sniffing glue cos you really are off your fucking rocker. Invite everyone round to yours but her show em how its done.

Hell email/text her the link to this if you cant face doing that, we can say it for you. Merry xmas tight sister you have truly lost the plot. shame on you.

Bonsoir · 24/12/2013 10:00

I think that it is a good idea to offer to contribute it a big family Christmas (or other special occasion) meal by ringing up the hosts and making a meaningful suggestion well ahead of time. I often bring dessert from Paris or send champagne ahead, after checking that thus suits the host family's plans.

phantomnamechanger · 24/12/2013 10:03

I cant believe anyone in their right mind thinks this would be OK!

You say she's expecting her first DC so maybe the reality of how much it was going to cost to host did not hit her till she actually did the big shop, because she is not used to feeding a family/lots of people. Even so, there are better ways of going about this than she has and if she is relatively well off and has enjoyed everyone else's hospitality over the years she needs to just take it in her stride and get on with it.

we do what most normal folk seem to do - and offer to take something to any event that someone else is hosting - I am doing 2 savouries and a pudd for a boxing day buffett at SILs - apart from being polite it means there's something I know the kids like!

drivingmisslazy · 24/12/2013 10:07

OMFG utter outrageous. I would definitely not be paying. Fair enough to bring your own booze and maybe a pudding but to charge (unless your totally skint and agree this beforehand)

Pancakeflipper · 24/12/2013 10:07

I think she has a cheek.

I have been a host for 10yrs to our families and none of them bring a bottle /mince pie etc. though my mother brings a box of ready to make trifle and expects me to make it complete with sprinkles.

Next year after a talking to from MNetters I am growing some balls. But I didn't think of charging......

FairPhyllis · 24/12/2013 10:08

Tell her to get stuffed. If you go and give her the money then she will continue to behave outrageously.

YouTheCat · 24/12/2013 10:08

I await the update with interest.

If you end up dashing round the supermarket, I hope you end up with the most delicious food and have a great time. Smile

Your sis is a cow.

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 24/12/2013 10:11

Wow. Outrageous! Tell us how it ends!

I have no problem with saying "I would love to host but I can't afford the cost". Spreading it can be a good way to have a big family Christmas without someone having to spend a lot of money.

But to offer to host, as others have done in the past, and then send a bill is Shock

CaterpillarCara · 24/12/2013 10:14

Sharing is fine - be it items, turn-about hosting or money. It should always be open and agreed though.

She has in the past experienced "turn-about hosting" and is now trying to move to a different model when it doesn't suit her as it is her turn to cough up!

We're going to family. They are doing turkey, potatoes, pudding, cream, snacks. We are doing ham, side dishes, crackers, booze, juice, mince pies, cake. Hopefully that is roughly even - but we have at least tried to be fair.

I have done it the money way in the past, one year when I ended up hosting 14 - some unknown to me - we decided about a month ahead that the kitty approach would be best. I think it was about £12 each, but I think it was a fairly different scenario to this.

Original poster
MercuryRising · 24/12/2013 10:23

Thank you lovely mners. We are now having dinner at home and taking the dcs to dsil after so they can play with their cousins. I tried to be reasonable but she is having none of it. In a not very festive manner she can go shove her Christmas dinner somewhere unmentionableGrin Thank you for making me see sense. I have also spoken to a rl friend today so feel very happy that I definitely anbu!

OP posts:
passedgo · 24/12/2013 10:25

Excellent! I bet she's absolutely fuming!

Xmas Smile
nennypops · 24/12/2013 10:26

Tell us more! How does she attempt to justify this?

FannyFifer · 24/12/2013 10:27

Well done, hope your dad is going to yours as well,she will likely ramp up the price as she's now 4 X £16 down.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 24/12/2013 10:28

Come on , spill! Grin

Was she all spluttering and indignant, was it you or dh who spoke to her?

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 24/12/2013 10:31

Yeah, everyone will have to pay more now, hope shes down more, it'll teach her a lesson not to be a greedy cow.