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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset by trainer at gym, aibu?

107 replies

Gymphobicmum · 23/12/2013 20:25

I probably am. :)

I'll start off by explaining that in June I was a lot heavier than I am, 5 stone heavier to be precise. I have worked so hard and got down to 12 and a half stone. I am 5 foot 3 inches, so I am aware I'm still overweight but I have had SO many lovely comments and was feeling quite good.

I do want to lose another 2 and a half stone to bring me to a healthy BMI, and to do this decided to join a gym to go to in the new year. So I had an appointment today (quiet time of year they said!) to get me used to the machines and all that.

Anyway, firstly I was grilled as to why I wanted to join, I explained I wanted to get fit as I currently do NOTHING but I kept being 'steered' towards talking about my weight. "Any other reasons/ are you interested in nutrition/do you want to lose weight?" Well, I do, but to be honest it's very personal and I don't want to talk about it with the trainers yet. So I said just general fitness was ok, was my aim.

So I am shown around the machines and all was fine but the first comment that upset me a bit was the stomach exercises. I was told 'you'll need this, it's a great exercise for getting your spare tyre down!' Ok, I DO have a spare tyre but ... Then I was forced to do a load of other exercises for 'flabby arms, saggy buttocks, wobbly legs!'

I honestly was upset but not that much, I just thought 'general woman target areas' and then I was done. I was then asked again if I wanted to lose weight and since I obviously do, I said yes as I thought saying no would sound stupid, it's just I'm not using the gym as a weight loss tool but a health/fitness tool. But anyway I was told to stand on the scales. Sharp intake of breath and I am told I am 12 and a half stone, 5 foot three inches and therefore am 'obese' and at risk of all sorts of horrible illnesses and at that point I did lose patience and said thanks for the compliments but I'd decided not to go ahead.

I know they couldn't have known I had already lost a lot of weight but I really feel shit. Why didn't they just accept someone joining the gym to join? My friend goes and only ever uses the sauna and steam room. I just want to improve my outlook on life and I have felt so good lately but now I just want to finish the mince pies and clotted cream and devour the quality streets as obviously no matter how much weight I have lost I still look like a cow!

Please be nice, aibu?M

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 23/12/2013 20:27

Why didn't you tell them about the weight loss Confused it's a terrific achievement!!

NatashaBee · 23/12/2013 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Gymphobicmum · 23/12/2013 20:29

Wips, because I don't know, I've never felt like that massive woman was 'me' Xmas Blush and I don't want others to know it was ever me! Have never been that big before in my LIFE (and never going back there either!) I don't know if that makes sense, but it's how I feel, as if I just want people to see me as a normal person not someone now normal who was once massive!

Thank you though, I am proud :)

OP posts:
Sammie101 · 23/12/2013 20:31

What an idiot that trainer was! Gyms are intimidating places as it is without someone making you get weighed and insulting you! I would have told said trainer about how much you have already lost (I am in awe of that btw, that is such a fantastic achievement!) and found somewhere else to go!

Saurus72 · 23/12/2013 20:34

No you're not being unreasonable. You are clearly driven and have been for some time in order to have achieved this fantastic weightloss.

I do think it's a shame you didn't endure the extra couple of minutes of humiliation though, so that you could have joined (and never spoken to the instructors again), and just got on with using the machins in the way that suits you.

Is there another gym you could join?

pictish · 23/12/2013 20:37

Sounds like the trainer needs some lessons in people skills.
Sorry they made you feel bad. xx

Original poster
Gymphobicmum · 23/12/2013 20:38

Yes, I think I'll do that saurus, or perhaps call them after Christmas and explain that I was upset and felt as of their emphasis on weight loss was potentially quite hurtful.

Stupid gym! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 23/12/2013 20:38

Yeah, well done on losing all that weight- it shows a tremendous amount of willpower which I'm in awe of.

However- I can imagine that the type of comments you mention (referring to "spare tyres", maybe "bingo wings") were used deliberately to shift the focus away from a full-on, gym bunny, scary work out to something more jocular, however misplaced. It doesn't necessarily mean that they thought you specifically had a spare tyre. More than likely it's a spiel they come off with during every induction.

Same with the obese thing- they're there to sell their services, and I'm sure one of the most successful ways to do this is tell people that if they don't pull their finger out they're going to die an early and miserable death from heart disease or something.

I think if you'd told the PT about your weight loss so far you would've had a different experience and it would've been more tailored to the lifestyle you want to achieve. But certainly complain if you feel that it was way off base. Maybe the tiniest bit U?

Original poster
Gymphobicmum · 23/12/2013 20:43

Yes, I should definitely have said something, I suppose I just think someone saying that they want to achieve general fitness is a positive thing as weight loss would eventually be a natural by-product of this anyway? Also, I hate being weighed! I am weighed once a week and that's on Sunday mornings so today was less than 48 hours later and I was upset I'd 'gained' a pound, even though I haven't.

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 23/12/2013 20:44

I'm fit and do competitive sport and I get comments about my weight all the time at a size 8/10! I think it just goes with the territory of being in a sporty environment with fit people. I mean, if you spend all your time in Asda and TKMAx, no-one will make those comments but in a gym, people do assess you on your physical ability. I don't think its possible to go through life without someone making some kind of comment somewhere about you, but the main thing is your end goal and your own determination and not losing focus.

Original poster
Gymphobicmum · 23/12/2013 20:45

That's helpful less, thank you! I feel it's less 'me' now! And how did you know where I spend all my time ... Grin

OP posts:
Snowdown · 23/12/2013 20:45

Well done on your massive weight loss, that's brilliant.

Exercise will help a bit with weight loss but it's more beneficial for your general health, so I think you're right, the weight loss angle is not the thing to focus on. Exercise will help everyone regardless of their size.

YANBU OP just because someone is a trained instructor doesn't make them the best person to deliver an inspiring motivating sales pitch. Have you tried couch to 5k running programme - no gym fees, no annoying instructors and it's incredibly motivating to see your fitness improve week on week. Get over onto the exercise boards or the general weight loss boards for extra support.

Belchica · 23/12/2013 20:46

YANBU...

They are of course selling a product at the end of the day, which I think explains the persistent attitude of the trainer - end of year, final push to meet targets etc...so try not to take it too personally. But I would be upset if I were in your shoes and, if you have a choice, join another gym and let this one know why once you're sorted. I think the trainer could do with a dose of his/her own medicine and experience some 'feedback'.

Well done on the weightloss. Amazing.

LessMissAbs · 23/12/2013 20:50

No, honestly, OP. I'm a fit athlete, and I've had critics telling me I'm "too muscular" for an endurance athlete. I've had the size of my backside criticised. I've had an Olympic athlete comment that I'm a bit short. I got 2nd in a 5k last year and a coach came over and congratulated me on my performance and then added "but you are too fat".

It happens all the time. In fact, I suspect it happens the slimmer and fitter you get actually. But as you get slimmer and fitter, you also get more confident in what your own body can achieve, at any rate, I couldn't give a fig! Never, ever let anyone else get in the way of your goals.

Echo what is said about running btw if it appeals - I use gyms purely as a means to an end and wouldn't go near a personal trainer, far too prescriptive for me.

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow · 23/12/2013 21:00

I completely understand where you are coming from, but just to hopefully make you feel a bit less bad about it, i think the questions the trainer were asking are pretty standard and sound exactly the same list that i was asked when i joined the gym. Infact i remember being asked the question about whether weight loss was one of my goals, which was quickly followed up by "although you dont look like you need to lose any weight"...i dont mean that as a boast (!) But just to demonstrate that they just reel these questions off i think.

Also, a lot of people join the gym to tone up, and even healthy weight/slim people could have wobbly or flabby bits that they want to work on, so it isnt necessarily a weight thing...it might just be a common assumption/reason for wanting to work out.

You have done amazingly well with your weight loss, so dont let this make you feel like this is any less of an accomplishment

MajesticWhine · 23/12/2013 21:02

YANBU. Big congratulations on your weight loss... and bah humbug to the instructor who made you feel bad.

cleofatra · 23/12/2013 21:03

YANBU. The trainer was rude.

maillotjaune · 23/12/2013 21:06

YANBU that was totally unnecessary.

When I was shown round my gym a few weeks ago I just had a quick demo of how to use the machines then a try myself. No personal questions, no weighing.

And congratulations on your amazing progress!

cleofatra · 23/12/2013 21:09

I am in this line of work and the focus should be on client led goals and health rather than going on about "flabby bits".

Nocturtle · 23/12/2013 22:08

Firstly, congratulations on phenomenal weight-loss. That's a magnificent amount of weight to lose in such a short period, and must have taken some incredible willpower and sacrifice.

Next, some important knowledge I have to share. Trainers in gyms are notoriously ignorant, both about physiology and social etiquette. The amount of nonsense I've heard from the mouths of these self-proclaimed experts is astonishing.
The first alarm bell is when he suggests that stomach exercises can reduce fat in that area. Spot-reduction of fat is simply impossible. You can reduce your overall bodyfat percentage through calorie reduction, but where it comes off is down to genetics and history, not specific exercise.

Joining a gym and going regularly is great. Get some muscle on your body and you'll feel so much better. But if you want specific advice about different exercises or your lifting/cardio program then embrace the wealth of information available on the internet, not the trite remarks of a spotty nob with a logo on his polo shirt.

HollaAtMeBaby · 23/12/2013 22:11

YANBU but I think you should have stood up for yourself, been honest about your weight loss so far, and declined to be weighed!

Also, not sure if you know this but a gym programme for weight loss would not necessarily be the same as a programme for "general fitness" - maybe this is what the trainer was trying to figure out? although he/she sounds like an arse so maybe not...

Darkesteyes · 23/12/2013 22:13

Shock at the mysogynistic comments made by that trainer. Ive gone from 21 stone to 10 stone 12 then back up to almost 17 and now back down to 15 stone 3.

If he/she had spoken to me like that he and the name of the gym would have been all over Twitter and i would have sent it to the Everyday Sexism website.

HollaAtMeBaby · 23/12/2013 22:14

Also agree that it was very rude and unprofessional to talk about "spare tyre, flabby arms, saggy buttocks, wobbly legs" etc. I think you should complain to the gym.

BIWI · 23/12/2013 22:16

Did you tell them what your objectives were, though?

You have done brilliantly well, but unless you told them that, they were probably making all sorts of assumptions. And as trained 'health and fitness' coaches, if they weighed/measured you, then they are actually bound to make your weight their focus, along with other fitness measures.

They will take your overall fitness and health into account when putting together a programme for you, and if you are obviously overweight (and sorry to say this, but you are), then they will be trying to put together a plan to help you with this.

I'm sorry that you were upset by the way that they treated you, and they should have dealt with you a bit more sensitively - but without you telling them what you have already achieved/would like to achieve in the future YABalittlebitU.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 23/12/2013 22:19

YANBU, sounds like you had a dreadful experience.

If you don't feel up to a gym induction again, then why not try some classes. Bodypump is a great weight based class which is good for toning, Bodycombat is cardio based and very intense. Or if you really want to try something hardcore then Metafit.

Or to get your general fitness up then get a step counter, I have a nifty little one from omron and aim to do at least 10,000 steps a day. Much easier to fit in than gym visits and only requires a decent pair of trainers.