Upset by trainer at gym, aibu?

[Gymphobicmum]

I probably am. :)

I'll start off by explaining that in June I was a lot heavier than I am, 5 stone heavier to be precise. I have worked so hard and got down to 12 and a half stone. I am 5 foot 3 inches, so I am aware I'm still overweight but I have had SO many lovely comments and was feeling quite good.

I do want to lose another 2 and a half stone to bring me to a healthy BMI, and to do this decided to join a gym to go to in the new year. So I had an appointment today (quiet time of year they said!) to get me used to the machines and all that.

Anyway, firstly I was grilled as to why I wanted to join, I explained I wanted to get fit as I currently do NOTHING but I kept being 'steered' towards talking about my weight. "Any other reasons/ are you interested in nutrition/do you want to lose weight?" Well, I do, but to be honest it's very personal and I don't want to talk about it with the trainers yet. So I said just general fitness was ok, was my aim.

So I am shown around the machines and all was fine but the first comment that upset me a bit was the stomach exercises. I was told 'you'll need this, it's a great exercise for getting your spare tyre down!' Ok, I DO have a spare tyre but ... Then I was forced to do a load of other exercises for 'flabby arms, saggy buttocks, wobbly legs!'

I honestly was upset but not that much, I just thought 'general woman target areas' and then I was done. I was then asked again if I wanted to lose weight and since I obviously do, I said yes as I thought saying no would sound stupid, it's just I'm not using the gym as a weight loss tool but a health/fitness tool. But anyway I was told to stand on the scales. Sharp intake of breath and I am told I am 12 and a half stone, 5 foot three inches and therefore am 'obese' and at risk of all sorts of horrible illnesses and at that point I did lose patience and said thanks for the compliments but I'd decided not to go ahead.

I know they couldn't have known I had already lost a lot of weight but I really feel shit. Why didn't they just accept someone joining the gym to join? My friend goes and only ever uses the sauna and steam room. I just want to improve my outlook on life and I have felt so good lately but now I just want to finish the mince pies and clotted cream and devour the quality streets as obviously no matter how much weight I have lost I still look like a cow!

Please be nice, aibu?M

The first alarm bell is when he suggests that stomach exercises can reduce fat in that area. Spot-reduction of fat is simply impossible. You can reduce your overall bodyfat percentage through calorie reduction, but where it comes off is down to genetics and history, not specific exercise.

Nocturtle you are BANG ON the money here. I have a hereditary condition called lipodema (i inherited it from my paternal grandmother) NO matter how much weight i lose my lower legs have a slightly lumpy apperance.

It has taken me since August to lose 1 stone 5. I dont mind though. slow and steady wins the race and all That trainer sounds like an eating disorder trigger waiting to happen. 12 and a half stone is what i would like to get down to. (i have to allow for the weight of loose skin) a by product of extreme weight loss. I used to go to a gym called Curves. But my local one closed unfortunately. There was a lovely trainer there who just used to focus on health and fitness.

Biwi, was that really necessary?

I am sure you were trying to help, but I feel like a huge fat slob who will never leave the house again.

I am miserable tonight. I've just caved and eaten. I knew I would, I've been feeling rubbish all day about it.

I dont agree that you should even have had to tell this trainer you have lost weight.
Each person whould be treated with respect and asked about their own goals.

YANBU

I had a trainer in my old gym when I was about 8 and a half stone at 5'. He proclaimed me 'genetically lucky' but that he could get another inch off my waist. I was a size 8 and interested in strength and muscle at that point. That bastard told me if I did Olympic lifting I'd 'get a thick neck'. I'd been squatting 70kg for reps at that point... He was binned.

I've since gained weight for a number of reasons including ill health, steroids, bed rest and being a greedy bastard. My new trainer gets that I will deal with what I want to deal with, so if I want to focus on a 10k obstacle race (which I did) let's focus on that rather that the fact it's a tubby person doing it. Getting my fitness back lets me do more so I need to restrict calories less. Right now I'm focussed on strength, because yes I need to lose weight, but it's fucking December and we have parties and whatnot. I might be ready to face a diet post-Xmas, but I'd still like to be able to run 10k (I can and then some) and squat my own body weight in the interim.

BIWI Overweight ppl are aware they are overweight.
In my "after" picture ppl thought i weighed 9 and a half stone I was actually over 11 stone when it was taken.
Diffrernt ppl are different body shapes. And there was NO excuse for the "flabby wobbly" comments.
In my view ALL gym trainers Slimming world and weight watchers consultants should be made to gain a qualification in physiology before being allowed anywhere near the public in this capacity.
Drug counsellors have to be qualified so why not weight ones.
I have had 3 yes 3 seperate doctors tell me that MY "flabby stomach" will not disappear without surgery because you cant excsersise away loose skin.
If it were me i would be putting in a complaint and tweeting the fuck out of it.

You have done a fantastic job to lose that weight already and must be terrifically motivated. I'm so impressed. Don't let one jerk who doesn't even know you put you off.

Do you mind me asking how you've managed your weight loss? Did you follow a particular diet?

Vegas, yes, I have done lighter life. It's been expensive and at times difficult to stick to and I am proud that I have, but I also know I could not have done it without the support from those who love me and care about me, which is why I suppose it has come at a shock to be treated less than kindly.

Gymphobic I know how you feel. In cases like ours ppl are never satisfied so i dont give a shit what other fuckers think anymore.We are a nice little safe prejudice. You have done brilliantly.

Posy ive been power walking 5/6 days a week since August When i started my ankles really hurt. Now they dont hurt at all.

Yanbu for being upset. Trainer was unreasonable to angle about your weight.

Yabu for having a go at biwi, she spoke sense.

You may not like what I am going to say, but you need address the cycle of comfort eating. And you cant blame others for behaving in a way that make you overeat. YOU are in charge of you, and what you stuff yourself with. Dont use upsets as an excuse to eat.

I know it is hard. It is the same for me. I have had to seriously rethink my diet due to gallstones, and am currently eating an insane diet of bread and veg, and lost weight too. Cant have anything fat.

I'd write a formal letter of complaint. Do you have any other gyms you could use? You need to be comfortable with your trainer, one that will be behind you 100% and listen to your goals. Go elsewhere...

Please don't let one insensitive person put you back! You have made fantastic progress this year.
Is there another gym you can try in your area? Maybe try classes for awhile. I used to find using the machines can get dull (although being able to run further than last week, or lift more can be motivating for awhile). Plus, if you do a variety of classes you might find you don't plateau as quickly, as your body doesn't get used to the same work out. I find yoga, with a bit of walking/jogging is great for the toning and fitness and not a PT in sight. Maybe try Couch to 5km as someone suggested?
Good luck with whatever you try though. And step away from the biscuits :-)

You've done so well well done you. Gym trainers aren't all the best communicators. Having had lots of experience with fitness trainers however, I know that they are told to ask these questions. I was asked them myself by several different gyms and I've never been overweight. They are just clumsily worded questionnaire type questions. I think you should go back and join- you'll probably never cross paths with him again. And if you don't know how to use something just ask another member of staff or try some classes. There are lots of overweight people in gyms he obviously just had crap people skills. Good luck!

Quint i got gallstones AFTER a healthy diet.

In my view ALL gym trainers Slimming world and weight watchers consultants should be made to gain a qualification in physiology before being allowed anywhere near the public in this capacity.
Drug counsellors have to be qualified so why not weight ones.

BIWI as trainers go, they should have learnt to that any weight issue are very sensitive. Hell even women who do not need to loose weight can have weight complex!

There is no need to talk about 'spare tyre' or 'wobbly arms' etc... The weight and height along with the BMI should only give them some information on health pov and an idea if some exercises are actually not a good idea atm.
The OP came stating that she just wanted to be healthy, which is the reason why she wants to use the gym. She doesn't want to use it to loose weight anyway! So the trainers should have given her the service she was after ie fitness rather than insisting again and again about her being overweight. If someone in any other situation had made half of these comments, they would have been told they were extremely rude. I am not sure why this trainer isn't

Cos overwweight ppl are a nice little safe prejudice Venise.

My story is on this thread from about page 10.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1824580-to-think-the-diet-industry-is-utterly-evil

Agreed, Darkest. There are bullies all over the fit/thin industry, damaging vulnerable people wherever they put their toned, narcissistic arses

OP, YANBU! Find a gym with grown-up staff. Merry Christmas

Yanbu at all, totally unacceptable way to. Seak to a potential customer. Dd it work, no as you did not join the gym. I would would complain to the Gym. Well done on tat fantastic weight loss

Quinte and how is that supposed to help the OP??? Telling her that she needs to stop comfort eating when she is clearly saying she had a shit day. And forgetting about the fact she has already a hell of a lot of weight.
I didn't know that making someone feeling shameful was helping in any way addressing any weight issue, let alone comfort eating....

OP you have done a FANTASTIC job already. You also clearly know what is working for you re weight loss so keep it up!
And ignore anyone who tells you it's not good enough.

YY Garlic Happy Chrimbo

Please don't let this idiot of a trainer put you off!!

Like all professions you get good ones and bad ones.
It is possible for you to go back and just ask for another trainer to show you around.

By the way, amazing achievement!!!

I think you should have stood up for yourself a bit more tbh. I mean you say you were 'forced' to go on some equipment . Also you should have refused to get on the scales and re-iterated that you weren't there for weight loss as you had already stated so did not wish to be weighed. Thing is though you say you really were there for weight loss to help you lose that last couple of stone and also you didn't tell them about your weight loss so far so really they aren't mind readers so if you give them misleading information and withhold something(your huge weight loss) that is fairly relevant to how aware you are about the health risks of obesity then they maybe wouldn't have felt the need to 'enlighten' you about this.

Did you just go with the trainer who happened to be at the gym? You might find it more useful to find the right trainer first and he can draw up a programme for you to take to the gym by yourself.

I am on my second PT and I have some things that I particularly look for in a trainer. They have to be a practising sportsman, my first PT was into martial arts and the current one does triathlon and iron man. The reason for that is I want someone who understands functional fitness rather than prioritising appearance.

I also look for continuing education, especially in anatomy (eg sports massage), they more they know the less likely they are to give me an exercise that will injure me. They are also more knowledgeable about how to modify exercises to address the particular muscular and skeletal issues that I have, not just exercises that suit an average person.

Lastly they have to have a sense of humour, because exercise is really, really dull and I need a dry, witty mind to keep me distracted from the boredom.

You've done so well, don't let a tactless fool put you off.

Quint, I wasn't having a go at all. I was pointing out that it was a really horrible thing to have to read, and I'd rather not have read it.

Quite honestly, I totally accept it was meant to help, I totally accept it was true. It still made me feel shit.

After all my thread didn't say 'aibu to think I am 12 and a half stone, 5'3 and don't look overweight', I said the opposite.

And I am well aware I comfort eat but breaking that habit isn't going to happen overnight and I really don't want to talk about my issues with food and leave myself open to a kicking - sorry.

Like I say I was not having a go but I was very upset by it.