Upset by trainer at gym, aibu?

[Gymphobicmum]

I probably am. :)

I'll start off by explaining that in June I was a lot heavier than I am, 5 stone heavier to be precise. I have worked so hard and got down to 12 and a half stone. I am 5 foot 3 inches, so I am aware I'm still overweight but I have had SO many lovely comments and was feeling quite good.

I do want to lose another 2 and a half stone to bring me to a healthy BMI, and to do this decided to join a gym to go to in the new year. So I had an appointment today (quiet time of year they said!) to get me used to the machines and all that.

Anyway, firstly I was grilled as to why I wanted to join, I explained I wanted to get fit as I currently do NOTHING but I kept being 'steered' towards talking about my weight. "Any other reasons/ are you interested in nutrition/do you want to lose weight?" Well, I do, but to be honest it's very personal and I don't want to talk about it with the trainers yet. So I said just general fitness was ok, was my aim.

So I am shown around the machines and all was fine but the first comment that upset me a bit was the stomach exercises. I was told 'you'll need this, it's a great exercise for getting your spare tyre down!' Ok, I DO have a spare tyre but ... Then I was forced to do a load of other exercises for 'flabby arms, saggy buttocks, wobbly legs!'

I honestly was upset but not that much, I just thought 'general woman target areas' and then I was done. I was then asked again if I wanted to lose weight and since I obviously do, I said yes as I thought saying no would sound stupid, it's just I'm not using the gym as a weight loss tool but a health/fitness tool. But anyway I was told to stand on the scales. Sharp intake of breath and I am told I am 12 and a half stone, 5 foot three inches and therefore am 'obese' and at risk of all sorts of horrible illnesses and at that point I did lose patience and said thanks for the compliments but I'd decided not to go ahead.

I know they couldn't have known I had already lost a lot of weight but I really feel shit. Why didn't they just accept someone joining the gym to join? My friend goes and only ever uses the sauna and steam room. I just want to improve my outlook on life and I have felt so good lately but now I just want to finish the mince pies and clotted cream and devour the quality streets as obviously no matter how much weight I have lost I still look like a cow!

Please be nice, aibu?M

I think it's just standard personal trainer speak that they learn in personal trainer school, along with motivational sayings such as "let's do some hard work!" and "dig deep!"

I had a few personal trainer sessions last year which I really enjoyed, but mine had a habit of shouting "BURN THAT FAT!!!!" if I looked like I was flagging a bit (I was a size 8-10 and trying to get stronger and fitter - not thinner! A year later I could do with burning a bit of fat!)

You have done great with your weight loss, please don't let the comments put you off - he's probably a self-employed trainer trying to (badly) sell you his services.

You're not unreasonable. Expecting the minimal level of customer service from a trainer at a gym is not unreasonable.

She wasn't ever truly open to the idea of asking a potential customer (you) what they wanted, and convincing you that the gym could meet your needs. She just assumed she knew. With 20/20 hindsight, you may not replied as you could have, but so fucking what? You shouldn't have to be prepared to argue your case and life thus far at an induction session. They're supposed to be making you want to pay to come back!

You should be able to turn up, totally unsure about your goals, and be able to discuss what goals you should have with the trainer. You turned up with some goals, and basically got talked over, didn't you? The trainer didn't ask more about what your answers meant in depth, either in technical terms like cardiovascular fitness, or asking you what kind of changes you wanted to see, like ability to run fast or for a longer duration. She steered you back to weight-loss, and tried to humiliate you.

Well, guess what. Their loss. Because now you know what gym is bad value for money!

This PT was fucking rude and also very stupid. I would be livid too, if it were me. I think you should make an appointment to see the manager and tell him/her the story as you have told us. It can't be good for business to have an ignorant little twat putting off potential clients.

You have done brilliantly well and congratulations on the weight loss and for being so brave as to go to the gym in the first place. They can be quite intimidating if you are not used to them. You can find a PT who is more suitable for your needs and who you feel comfortable with.

You are not going to let a half witted jerk put you off your stride are you?

I think you are incredibly naive to think that your weight will or be mentioned when you join a gym and see a trainer.

You have done fantastically but still have weight to lose and the trainer will be your best friend in this so get over the issue you have with talking about needing to lose the remaining weight.

I think you're being the teeny tiniest bit unreasonable, but I completely understand why. I joined the gym in October with a similar outlook to yours - have recently lost some weight, want to lose more but moreover want to improve my health. I had a very similar conversation with the personal trainer during my induction session at the gym but the crucial difference between my experience and yours was that I never felt like she was taunting me about my weight. She was factual and informative, listened to me and reflected back what I was saying I wanted to achieve. Yes my weight was mentioned but as BIWI perfectly fairly said, that's to be expected.

Unless you've been very overweight and tried to slim down, I don't think you can truly understand just how sensitive an issue it is, hence the trainer's lack of diplomacy in discussing it with you. He/She probably thought the comments were no big deal. I doubt there was any intention to hurt your feelings.

I would try another gym but this time tell them how well you've already done by yourself with losing weight and be firm that your goal now is improving your fitness.

Good luck.

A lovely trainer at a YMCA gym once told me lots of gym staff have massive body issues (not all, obviously) and a hairdresser told me the same about her trade and beauticians too.

I have lost count of the number of times I have walked out of a salon or gym at the end of an appointment feeling like shit because of snide comments (and I've never been particularly large).

I have a lovely hairdresser now and wild horses wouldn't drag me into a beauty salon

Congratulations on improving your health (for you) and a for the tosser at the gym . Do complain!

Well, YANBU to be upset but YABU to expect anything else from gym staff. People who are fit and like exercise have no understanding of those who come in neither category.
I suggest you find a way to exercise that doesn't involve speaking I any of them.

YANBU. I would have been pissed off too! I've been a member of 3 different gyms plus visited 2 while on holidays and I was never met with such a rude approach!

Do you? I've never met on yet who wasn't contemptuous and snotty.

And seemed to think I was an utterly inferior being for not enjoying that stuff.

I had a similar experience. A muscle bound knob of 20 lecturing me on my diet which I did not need or want because although I was overweight I wasn't seeing him for dietary advice. I just wanted some exercise but he couldn't get it. Why he had to try to be a life coach ffs I don't know. My objective was about a level of fitness but he could not separate that from weight, weight, weight. I wanted him to stick to what he knew about rather than impose his view of what he thought I needed. I never wanted to be patronised by this fuckwit who was assuming I was some kind of loser, he was the cock doing that job, reliant on income from people like me to survive, with his muscles as his achievement. I changed trainer.

Don't let this experience put you down OP. I agree you didn't have to tell them about your weight loss as some kind of apology for not being skinny to begin with. They can be like a bunch of sad fascists, so, ignore, take what you need, go elsewhere if you want to.

I think you did great telling them "thanks for the compliments" as that is hilarious. You were treated poorly and they should have had some sensitivity training or so ring to prevent them from going on about your weight. It's an area many of us are very sensitive about, not unusual at all. The fact that after you said you didn't want to discuss weight loss they kept on at you and made you go on a scale, called you obese, etc is ridiculous and shouldn't have happened. Well done on your weight loss so far, congratulations.

I have lost three stone since May going from 12.5 to 9.5 and along the way I have had many of the same comments at the gym and at classes. However I find telling them how much I have lost shuts them up. I also tell them I am well aware of the health implications hence why I am getting off my arse! Well done on the weight loss btw. Ignore the idiot, go to a different gym and if I were you I would simply say I have lost a lot of weight still want to lose more but my main aim now is my fitness.

Ps I still get comments now saying I am 'heavy' in the gym and I am 9.5 stone and a size 10.

I think a PP was right, saying you're at the wrong gym - or at least you have the wrong trainer. If she is making you feel bad then there's no chance you will get much positive out of going there.

I think you need to be a bit more specific about what you mean about 'fitness' though, as that's too vague an expression, and it covers weight as well as things like cardio levels.

When I went for my assessment at my new gym, you have a fitness appraisal, and one of the standard measurements is your weight, along with my height (I wish I could do something about that!) and my blood pressure. Then after that, a series of tests to determine my cardio fitness and my strength.

These then formed the basis of a discussion about what I wanted to achieve, how often I could get to the gym and what kind of exercises would be suitable/I preferred.

That conversation is key, as you can work with the trainer to set something up to achieve your goals (and weight loss could be one of those, if you wanted - or not).

I'm sorry she made you feel so bad, and I'm sorry if my reply made you feel worse.

YANBU to be annoyed, I talk weight loss with the nurse and fitness with my gym instructor/class instructors. They are two totally different things and I would not expect my nurse, as qualified as she is, to give me more than basic fitness information no sooner would I ask my gym instructor about my diet.
I suggest that you complain to the gym in question and see what they say about what you experienced with this person, you could have been a mystery shopper for their company for all they know.

That does not mean that all instructors should be tarred with the same brush as this numpty! You need to shop around like you would for a car and don't settle for the easiest/closest option.
I went for the easy/closest option and got lucky as I now workout under the instruction of some very wonderful and helpful people, many of whom I now class as friends.
One of which spent an hour with me in the weights section last night, I was the only one who turned up for his class, encouraging me that 40kg for squats was not my best and I left having got up to full reps of 50kg squats as well as coaching me a new set formation and how to do front squats.
Do not give up and good luck finding a gym you are happy with and please remember once you join you need not ever talk to those that work there if you do not want to as there is a wealth of information out there online with regards to gym plans.

I agree with Poppy but sometimes they think they know what we want and simply do not hear us, and believe me I do not lack assertiveness or communication skills, but a 20 year old cock preening his muscles thought he knew best and the woman was an idiot who needn't be listened to. Just one bad experience for me but clearly I am not alone.

Plenty of other trainers /gyms out there though.

I think this is awful. The thing is if you're overweight you're already feeling insecure and embarrassed about your body, and going to a gym is a huge step. All they did was make you feel worse.

I'm not overweight, but I've joined gyms a few times (and lapsed of course) in an effort to get fit, and I do remember a couple of occasions like this where I just ended up feeling horribly self-conscious and awkward. They always have these trainers who are superfit themselves and have no concept of what it is like to be unfit and have problems with body image.

This trainer is a patronising arse.

BTW, why not get some weights and work out at home? Try this site:

www.stumptuous.com

Contains absolutely zero patronising "concern troll" bullshit.

Huge congratulations OP on your journey so far, you are amazing. And I'm really sorry you had this experience.

Unfortunately the fitness industry does have it's fair share of unempathetic people and you encountered one. If it's any consolation, the Olympic coaching team told Jessica Ennis that she was too fat!

I wish you could meet my trainer. He is the most positive, un-judgy, inspiring person and sex on legs and made me realise just how shit some trainers are. If you are in Cornwall I will introduce you.

So, in summary, it's not you, it's him. Happy Christmas.

I wish I was a fat as Jessica Ennis!

I think it is pretty unrealistic to think you are going to get yourself that fit without losing the weight first, so in your case it seems logical to assume that weight loss and fitness go together.

It's entirely possible to be fit and fat.