to not want my 6 year old DD to spend tomorrow cooking?

[PintameElCielo]

I think I am.

DH's family are Spanish and MIL has just started teaching DD how to cook. I have really mixed feelings about it- if she were a boy she would not be in the kitchen, but she adores spending the time with MIL and I do think it's important that she understands the culture. The cooking effort for Christmas starts tomorrow at SILs and DD and I have been invited. She is desperate to go but I dunno, I just don't want her to be another woman stuck in the kitchen while the men sit on their arses and do nothing.

Is the alternative that she sits on her arse and does nothing?

That's a tough one. On the one hand it is great that she can start learning to cook so young. On the other hand it is unfair if none of the boys have to help. I think as long as she knows that you don't expect her always to be stuck in the kitchen and that men can also cook she will be fine.

Do you have a boy too?

If it was your DS you would probably jump at the chance for him to get involved. It would be a shame to deny your daughter that experience purely because she is a girl and you don't want her stereotyped.

I was berated by a family friend for buying my DD an apron for her second bday. I was at great pains to point out my DS had received exactly the same present for the same bday two years earlier.

I don't think change happens by de-skilling women.

I can't cook well- wish someone had taught me.

If she wants to do it, let her. Who cares about stereotypes if a girl/woman enjoys cooking or any other activity that is stereotypically female? Surely you care more about your daughter enjoying herself?

When she is a bit older, say preteen/young teen you can teach her about gender stereotypes and he fact that men and women should share the chores

I sit on my arse while my fella does the cooking, so am not in a position to lecture anyone else.

YANBU. Its indoctrination. Compromise, and let her go for an hour or two?

She's an only, but a son would not be taking part. I can't emphasise that enough. It's expected that all the women help, I am excused because I'm totally hopeless and the recipes are really complicated.

Cooking for younger children involves maths, speaking and listening, following instructions and fine motor skills, chemistry - all of which will benefit her learning in non gender specific ways. How lovely to spend such quality time with an adult who loves her. What a shame the boys miss out.

Yes, I know. It's been so damaging for Michel Roux, Michel Roux junior, James Martin, Simon Rimmer, Raymond Blanc, Rachel Allen, Delia Smith, Mary Berry.....

It's cooking. It's a life skill. Whether it becomes a subservient role is a different matter.

I think it's fine so long as she can go and do something else when she gets fed up cooking

What's wrong with her spending time in a welcoming family environment involving multi generations? It sounds like a great activity, fun and educational too.
If you're worried about gender stereotyping I wouldn't be bothered if she also does lots of 'male' activities too.

Cooking is a great skill regardless of gender. She loves her GM. I would encourage her.

I think I am mixing up the cooking with general gender-crapness. I really appreciate that she will be able to cook so well (MIL is a genius, she really is), I just hate that a six year old is expected to cook while a 40 year old does nothing. It just rubs me the wrong way.

What other skill-developing and/or life-enriching activities do you have planned for her instead?

The gender split does sound shit, but stopping her participating won't actually be addressing that - all it will do is mean your DD missing out on gaining skills, cultural knowledge and having a good time.

I'm not sure if it's anything to do with her being Spanish?

My MIL is Spanish and my DH is a brilliant cook, also my BIL is a chef.

If your DD wants to spend her Christmas Eve like that I'd let her.

The fact you don't have a DS isn't important right now. If you ever have one in the future, then you can make sure he gets involved.

I can understand your reluctance but dd is keen so...

I'm sure with you as her mum she's not going to be imprisoned in a kitchen for long :)

Id let her go this time but maybe not next year. You don't want it to be a given that every xmas eve she is to go there and cook, teach her it's okay is she does it but try to make sure they dont come to expect it of her and they dont give her the impression she should be doing it every year without fail.

I thought the cultural bit was important

Okay. We're going, and it'll be lovely.

Well, my DS (aged 4) will be spending large parts of tomorrow "helping" either me or DH with various bits of food prep. It's an important skill. The gender split in your set up would annoy me too, but I think cross-generational cooking makes some lovely memories (sorry, that last sentence sounds a bit wanky, but you know what I mean!)

I'm spanish. I was in the kitchen from the year dot. I'm still in the kitchen, with my sons as well as my dds. Let her go. It's fun, I learnt to cook with Abuela and loved it, and remember it fondly every Christmas.

My 12 year old ds will be spending the day at my mother's all day cooking.

Wow, that's fantastic - what a great opportunity to learn to cook amazing food, be surrounded by loving family passing on their skills and traditions, and become a part of a vibrant culture! Buy her a tractor for Xmas if you want to even the score. This is a wonderful life-affirming family-centered occasion for her. Jealous!!!!

Too many days in my post